Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous – Chapter 4

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Mod7
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We pretended not to know each other, hurriedly devoured our meals, and entered the entrance ceremony hall.

Even though the ceremony hadn’t started, the hall was already packed with people.

Not everyone had black hair; there were all sorts of colorful hairstyles.

This aspect really felt like something out of a novel.

Another noticeable thing was the significant number of female students.

It made sense, in a way.

Thanks to the incompetent higher-ups, countless innocent lives had been lost, with men suffering heavier casualties than women.

Due to the nature of the military, they were more focused on conscripting men than women.

A drastic measure taken to address the population decline was the introduction of polygamy.

Originally, it was only polygyny, but in this day and age?

The age of political correctness?

They were heavily criticized for proposing polygyny, accused of gender discrimination, and ultimately switched to polygamy.

Of course, this multi-partner policy doesn’t change much.

No.

It was actually even more brutal.

Who in their right mind would want to be the first wife of a hopeless loser?

“I’m his main wife!”

“Wow, lucky you. Have fun with that.”

Being the hundredth wife of a celebrity would be better.

Besides, even being involved with women required some kind of connection.

In my case, I had replaced high school with training.

This meant the only female I interacted with was Hifumi, who awaited me in my phone’s lobby.

Besides, there weren’t many people to meet at the training center except at the beginning of the year.

Why the beginning of the year?

Joining a gym at the start of the year is a national rule.

If you don’t believe me, visit a gym in January.

Not now, though, given the current situation.

Of course, there were a few attractive people I encountered at the training center.

People who came consistently every day, with cheerful and friendly demeanors.

They even acknowledged me whenever they saw me and subtly touched me while we exercised, showcasing their charm.

I closed my eyes for a moment, picturing them.

Then, with a gloomy murmur, I lamented the one minor issue:

“Fuck, why are they muscle-obsessed old men instead of women?”

Since I was always at the training center, they just saw me as an NPC.

Before I knew it, I was receiving semi-forced personal training from these old men.

When I did pull-ups, they’d lift my knees and shout, “One more! One more!”

By the time I came to my senses, they were even managing my diet.

It all started when I was struggling with my bench press form.

Who knew I’d get ganked by veterans?

Of course, I was grateful they helped me, even though I was just a nameless high school kid.

The world was a scary place.

People minded their own business even if someone cried for help at night, and helping a stranger was risky.

But…

Why are these middle-aged guys hanging out at burger joints?

Taking the fries out of my mouth was crossing the line.

And they were seasoned fries, dammit.

The faint, lingering taste of those seasoned fries haunted me to this day.

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The entrance ceremony ended surprisingly quickly, within five minutes.

There were no opening speeches, songs, or introductions to the academy’s history.

Someone just walked up and said, “Good luck,” and that was it.

This was definitely a Korean academy.

A lengthy entrance ceremony for a nation that spams the “Close Door” button in elevators?

Everyone would just bolt.

As soon as the ceremony ended, we received necklace-shaped IDs that verified us as academy students and followed the instructions.

It was time to choose our dorms.

According to the guide, dorms were single occupancy in principle.

We could bring additional belongings, and remodeling was allowed as long as you had the money.

The guide also explained some minor regulations.

Better dorms were provided based on rank.

Higher-ranked students could claim lower-ranked students’ dorms.

If students of the same rank wanted the same dorm, they would have to compete, with the winner getting the room.

And lastly, this was only possible during this specific period.

Dorm competitions often involved physical fights.

Nothing was as straightforward as a good old brawl.

Other methods included coin flips, playing ddakji, or even duels.

Duels were the most dangerous.

If someone shows up with cards when everyone else is prepared to fight physically, that person is the real deal.

Once a dorm was assigned, it couldn’t be changed for the entire semester.

That’s why students obsessed with their living space went wild like rabid dogs during this period.

…

Is this… an academy?

It looked more like a scene from “Animal Kingdom.”

Of course, I wasn’t particularly interested in competing, so I waited patiently and chose a leftover room.

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I stepped into the dorm I’d be staying in for at least a semester.

My first impression was that it was like a fully-equipped office-tel.

Since I had no rank, I was automatically assigned to the Iron tier.

Still, I was grateful that they didn’t cram us into a single room like sardines in a can, as some academies did to their lowest-ranked students.

If you weren’t satisfied with this, you had two options:

Raise your rank.

Or beat someone up and take theirs.

This truly was an academy for a PvP-loving nation.

Who were Koreans?

They were a people who could turn any casual game into a hardcore grindfest.

Even in a simple cactus-raising game, someone would find a way to inject it with steroids.

-You’re telling me it takes 30 days to collect this? Well, I’m going to finish it in 3!

-I don’t know which one is the best deal, so I just bought them all.

-Why do people care so much about rank even though the rewards are the same? Because the name card color changes!

But when there’s competition?

Game on, bring it on.

If you want to refute this, get your speaking privileges first by reaching rank 10,000.

Anyone below rank 50,000 is my sworn enemy, so stay out of my way.

I unpacked my belongings and got ready to head out again.

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The first week was the dorm adjustment period.

In simple terms, it was a week of free time, no classes.

There was a reason for this, of course.

Once this period ended, the only way to leave the academy before the semester ended was through death or suicide.

…

Doesn’t that sound familiar?

That’s right, damn it.

It’s just like military boot camp.

I didn’t know anyone and didn’t have anything specific I wanted to see.

So, the first place I headed to after leaving my dorm was the library.

I could have gone to the training center, but, I didn’t want to be in a sweaty, musty space during my last moments of freedom.

As I made my way there, I had one thought:

This place was built by efficiency-obsessed bastards.

Damn it.

Why did all the buildings look the same?

I guess this design had a good load-bearing capacity and comfort ratio.

I had already checked five buildings and was looking at the sixth.

As expected, it wasn’t the library.

Plus, the building names were written in small font, only visible up close.

What did this mean?

If you didn’t know where you were going, you had to check each building one by one.

This academy was truly insane.

Finally, after eight attempts, I found the library.

While the exterior was identical to the other buildings, the interior was filled with wooden structures reminiscent of old libraries.

Surprisingly, they had different systems for borrowing physical books and ebooks.

Physical books were borrowed from the librarian.

For ebooks, you had to connect your device with a cable.

Fortunately, the port was USB-C.

The academy’s only saving grace was not using a proprietary connector.

Since I preferred physical books, I approached the librarian to borrow one.

The librarian I saw fit the stereotypical image of a bookish girl.

As they say, the best-looking cakes taste the best.

I approached her, hoping that this stereotypical bookish girl would be helpful.

“Hello, I’m a new student. Can I borrow a book?”

“Welcome, freshman. Yes, you can borrow books starting today. What are you looking for?”

“I’d like to borrow a few books about ability awakening.”

“Okay, one moment. I’ll bring you some.”

She left her post briefly and returned soon after.

She was carrying three books.

-There Are No Bad Abilities.

-Solo Leveling with My Ability.

-Three Cool Words: Supernatural, Awakening, Blossoming.

…

These titles all sounded ominous.

But worrying wouldn’t get me anywhere, so I decided to borrow the books quietly.

“The borrowing period is one week. If you need to extend it, please come back within a week.”

“How many times can I extend it?”

“Only once. After that, you have to return the book completely before you can borrow it again.”

“Okay, I understand.”

As I was about to leave the library, I thought I might as well look for some novels to read.

“Do you have any novel recommendations?”

“Do you have any preferences?”

“I’m not picky about genres, but I’d prefer something that’s already finished.”

The librarian suddenly became more enthusiastic and approached me.

Perhaps I had entered her realm of interest, and she wanted to share her hobbies.

“Then I highly recommend this masterpiece that was recently completed!”

“If it was recently completed, it must have been serialized for a long time.”

“No, it was on hiatus most of the time, but it miraculously concluded with the last chapter, Chapter 334! It’s amazing!”

This much praise despite frequent hiatuses?

It must be worth reading.

At least it wasn’t abandoned.

“You make it sound like a very compelling novel.”

“It’s truly a masterpiece! The diligent author, Lion Soul! Lion Soul is God!”

With that, the librarian left to retrieve the book.

As I watched her go, anticipating this masterpiece, I suddenly felt a shiver of unease.

Wait a minute.

Is it BL?

Please tell me it’s not BL.

If it is, I’m justified in killing her.

I was already contemplating how to kill her if the worst-case scenario came true.

Contrary to my anxieties, the librarian returned with a seemingly ordinary novel.

But I couldn’t be sure yet.

There were crazy works out there that could suddenly take a sharp turn into unexpected territories.

“Does it have any BL elements?”

“No! Plot derailments are a sin. NTR is punishable by death.”

Thank goodness…

Now, all I needed was the title.

“Can I see the title?”

“Sure, here it is! ’30 Regressions is Too Damn Much.'”

The moment I saw the book, I recognized it.

It was a sensational novel that had been incredibly popular in its early days.

I had dropped it due to frequent hiatuses, but I still couldn’t forget the thrill I felt when I first read it.

So it was finally finished.

Now that’s something I can get behind!

At that moment, a forbidden phrase for anyone who loved this book popped into my head.

My mind screamed, “Stop, you idiot!” trying to restrain me.

But I was who I was.

My mouth moved faster than my filter.

Without a moment’s hesitation, I blurted out the shocking statement,

“Hey, isn’t this just a rip-off of ‘Omniscient First-Person’s Viewpoint’?”

Time seemed to stop.

Then, I saw the librarian’s transformed appearance.

She had somehow obtained a massive dictionary and was holding it high above her head.

It was too big to be called a book. It was huge, thick, heavy, and crude.

It was a literal ingot made of paper.

“You blasphemer!!!!”

“Huh?…”

Only a split second passed before the book, soaring high, plummeted towards the ground.

But that split second was enough to shatter something.

Yes.

My head.

BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The sound was louder than anything I had ever heard in my life.

No, it wasn’t simply a matter of auditory perception.

It was a message transmitted forcefully through my ears and bones.

A message that said, “I’m going to kill you.”

The thunderous sound that reverberated through the library was enough to draw everyone’s attention.

As everyone fell silent, stunned by the unbelievable sight, the only sound that could be heard was the fluttering of papers flying through the air.

And amidst it all, I uttered my last words,

“A rip-off novel?”

“Die!!!”

The massive weapon slammed onto my head again, causing a minor tremor.

With that, I collapsed, my vision fading.

But the librarian, as if this wasn’t enough, once again lifted the weaponized book above her head.

“I still have one more hit.”

Those were the last words I heard.

Lord, I’m coming home.

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