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Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous – Chapter 30

.。.:✧ That Elf's Head Shone Like a Beacon ✧:.。.

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Mod7
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The weekend had passed.

It was the first Monday after the midterms.

As always, Hye-ji was waiting for me at my desk.

She seemed to be in a good mood; her previous coldness had vanished.

That was a relief.

As I entered the classroom, I heard hushed murmurs.

I wouldn’t have been able to hear them before, but my enhanced senses allowed me to pick up on their conversations, as if they were whispering right next to me.

“The God of Virginity indeed. He even defeated a Gold-tier High Elf.”

“My money… Sapiens Must Die.”

“Don’t get your worlds mixed up, idiot. We just share the same platform.”

“This proves that virginity is superior to experience.”

“Stop trying to act like being a virgin is something to be proud of! You’re just a virgin because you’re ugly and undesirable! You were eliminated from the mating pool!”

“Don’t be so blunt with the truth, you bastard.”

The insults directed at me had decreased significantly.

They were more focused on tearing each other apart.

Of course, a few students were still suspicious of my sudden power boost.

“Didn’t he get a bit faster at the end? Something felt strange.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t the speed of a non-ability user.”

“The losers who lost their money are blind too. Look at them trying to slander our Lord Shinwoo.”

“This guy… he used to discriminate against non-ability users the most, but now that he’s making money, he’s switching sides? Are you Udyr?”

“He’s our Lord Shinwoo now, not your Lord Shinwoo, since he made us rich.”

The students who had profited from betting on me were now defending me.

[How pathetic.]

‘The power of money heals all wounds.’

Then, I noticed someone sitting next to Hye-ji.

A seat that was always empty, except for Kyouko occasionally.

But today, sitting in that seat was,

“Wait, why is a Silver-tier in the Iron-tier classroom? Here to bully us?”

“The curriculum is not that different. This one obtained permission from the professor.”

Jung Ah-yeon was sitting there nonchalantly, her arms crossed.

Before I could ask, she explained,

“This one is here to observe and learn from Lady Hye-ji.”

“Wow, Hye-ji, you’ve got a stalker. Congratulations.”

“She’s giving me a headache. She even tries to use the same toilet stall as me.”

Hye-ji was holding her head, as if she found Jung Ah-yeon’s presence suffocating.

A woman obsessed with another woman…

This was a serious matter.

“Hye-ji, should I add the tags ‘obsession,’ ‘yuri,’ and ‘girls love’ to our story?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!!! I’m straight!!!”

Hye-ji reacted violently to my suggestion.

Jung Ah-yeon patted her shoulder and said calmly,

“Lady Hye-ji, don’t be so harsh. You’ll get used to it.”

“Just shut up, damn it.”

Hye-ji looked exhausted.

It was likely due to Jung Ah-yeon, who had no intention of leaving her side.

“Hye-ji.”

“What?”

“Should I add ‘tragedy’ to the tags too?”

“You bastard!!!”

She lunged at my neck, trying to strangle me.

Just then, the classroom door flew open.

Two shiny, bald heads appeared in the doorway.

Lucian and Professor Pil-yong.

Lucian was fuming with anger, while Professor Pil-yong looked troubled.

They locked their gazes on me and approached my desk.

[They’re so bright, they’re blinding.]

‘Why is a Kia Sportage in our classroom?’

He then slammed a familiar object onto my desk.

It was Professor Pil-yong’s Ability Reader.

The reader landed on my desk with a loud bang, but Lucian’s roar was even louder.

“You short-lived scum! You dared to deceive this one?!”

“Shinwoo, I’m so sorry.”

Lucian was openly hostile towards me.

But Professor Pil-yong was apologizing, which was unusual.

I was used to Lucian’s behavior, but Professor Pil-yong’s actions were completely unexpected.

Instead of yelling at me, he was apologizing.

Was he a fake?

I rubbed his head vigorously.

“…What are you doing?”

“It really is Professor Pil-yong.”

“You bastard!!!”

It was definitely Professor Pil-yong. His head was completely smooth, not even a single hair follicle.

He calmed down and explained the situation.

“I tried to tell him multiple times, but Lucian wouldn’t believe me.”

“I won’t believe it until I see it with my own eyes!”

Professor Pil-yong’s annoyance was evident.

He was understandably upset that Lucian was openly denying the validity of his research.

But Lucian continued his tirade, ignoring him.

“You trash! You lied about being a non-ability user!”

“Lied my ass. You’re just throwing a tantrum because you got defeated.”

“Our duel is void! I declare it void!!!”

“Why don’t you nullify your speech about the World Tree while you’re at it?”

Lucian went berserk.

He was foaming at the mouth, like a rabid dog.

“You threatened me to say those things!!!”

“Threatened you, my ass! You made a pact, so you have to honor it!”

He glared at me, grinding his teeth.

He looked so pathetic that I couldn’t help but add another insult.

“Since you have no hair, do you have no conscience either? Is that a common trait among baldies?”

“…Shinwoo, come to the research building after class.”

“Oh, shit.”

I managed to insult another person.

Lucian started screaming again, his veins bulging.

“Enough with the chatter! Just put your hand on this thing already!!!”

“Shinwoo, I’m sorry, but please do it just this once.”

It was a waste of breath to argue any further.

I resigned myself to my fate and placed my hand on the reader.

The reader’s LEDs started flashing, just like before.

Then, the reading finished, and the announcement started.

However…

[Reading complete.]

[Unable to identify ability.]

[Considered a non-ability user.]

The announcement was different.

Unexpectedly different.

The change in announcement was followed by various reactions.

Lucian was smug, looking triumphant. Professor Pil-yong’s eyes lit up, as if he had found a new research subject.

Hye-ji was surprised. Jung Ah-yeon was confused, unable to comprehend the situation.

And then the students started murmuring.

“What? Why is the result different?”

“Is this the first time Professor Pil-yong’s research students actually worked on it?”

“Didn’t they release an improved version every day?”

Professor Pil-yong’s students were definitely not slacking off.

I could vouch for that.

I had seen them updating the reader in real-time, even while dozing off.

“I told you he had an ability!”

“But abilities only manifest before the age of 20! Why would he awaken one now?”

“Maybe the God of Virginity received a blessing from the unicorns.”

“If you’re a virgin till 30, you become a wizard. If you’re a virgin till 20, you awaken an ability. That actually makes sense.”

Of course, I was the most surprised.

My jaw dropped, and I couldn’t utter a word.

I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing.

Just then, I heard the voice in my head.

[Are you surprised?]

‘Why did it change? Is there a bug in the code?’

[The result is bound to be different now.]

‘Did it switch from Siri to Bixby or something?’

She chuckled, then continued,

[It’s because of the mana that manifested within your body after you awakened your ability.]

*’Mana…’ *

I finally understood how the reader worked.

It must be detecting the mana within an ability user’s body and then identifying the ability based on that.

Then, the next logical question…

‘But it can’t identify my ability accurately?’

[That’s only natural. After all, you’re only partially connected to this world.]

‘What does that have to do with it?’

[This world cannot define your ability.]

I finally understood.

Why this was happening.

‘So, I have mana, which means I have an ability, but it can’t identify what it is?’

[That’s right. This one is impressed. You’re actually using your brain for once.]

‘You’re about to meet the afterlife, grandma.’

[I’m sorry! Please forgive me! I don’t want to see that again!]

I ignored her desperate pleas.

Lucian shouted, seizing the moment,

“Ha! Your charade of being a non-ability user is over!”

“Shut up pointy-ears, I don’t even know what’s going on.”

I didn’t want to explain, so I brushed him off.

I shoved Lucian away, and Professor Pil-yong approached me.

“Shinwoo, please come to the research building later. It seems you’ve provided me with material for a new thesis.”

“Why is the result different? Did you bring a different operating system this time?”

“It’s the same reader as before. What happened?”

I was tempted to tell him the truth, but this was a professor who was speaking to me so kindly right now.

A cunning creature who could exploit me for his own selfish gain and backstab me at any moment.

I couldn’t trust him.

“…I don’t know.”

“That’s strange.”

He tilted his head, puzzled.

A new question popped into my mind.

What would happen now that I had awakened an ability?

“What happens if it’s confirmed that I awakened an ability? I didn’t lie on the application, but will I get expelled?”

“…We will need to discuss it internally and make a decision.”

Professor Pil-yong answered seriously.

It was a complicated issue.

Only Lucian was still ranting, smiling gleefully.

“Our duel is invalid! That statement about the World Tree was made under duress!”

“Just get out of here. Obsessive guys are unpopular characters on Nopia.”

But he wouldn’t leave me alone. He even grabbed me by the collar.

He seemed desperate.

“Hurry up and retract your statement!! My candidacy is on the line!!!”

“It’s not going to change anything. Just give up.”

“It will change! If you just retract your statement, I can become the World Tree Communion representative again!”

“That’s not going to happen, Lucianer.”

Suddenly, a clear voice echoed through the classroom.

The source: the classroom door, which was left open.

A female elf stood there.

Her golden braids cascaded over her leather tunic as she walked towards us, her steps precise and elegant.

Her body was slender and she wasn’t armed.

But everyone was silent as a sense of tension filled the air.

A palpable aura of power emanated from her.

She finally stopped in front of Lucian.

Her movements were graceful yet sharp, like a beautifully crafted sword.

Everyone was silent, except for Lucian, who bared his teeth and growled.

“What do you mean!”

“Exactly what I said. You’ll never be the World Tree Communion representative.”

“Who dares utter such blasphemy?!”

The female elf replied calmly to the enraged Lucian,

“It is the decision of the Elders’ Council.”

“Those decrepit fossils dare to?!”

“Your father is among them.”

Lucian let out a sigh.

But she wasn’t done.

“Be grateful. If it weren’t for your father, you’d already be dead.”

“That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?!”

“Harsh?! What’s harsh about it?!”

She exploded.

Her voice boomed, and her aura intensified.

Startled, Lucian took a step back.

The female elf, not wanting to let him escape, stepped forward.

Her eyes were filled with contempt, as if she was looking at something repulsive.

“You dare insult the World Tree and expect to live?!”

“This is all because that human tricked me into thinking he was a non-ability user!”

“Are you resorting to such pathetic excuses to justify your defeat?!”

“Ugh!”

“Fighting over a mere short-lived woman?! Is your head just a decoration?!”

Her eyes were filled with rage.

Her gaze was sharp enough to pierce through anyone.

Lucian, overwhelmed, could only remain silent.

She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down, then spoke again.

Her words, delivered in a calm tone, were incredibly shocking.

“I’ll get straight to the point. You’ve been stripped of your High Elf status and banished from the tribe.”

“D-don’t be ridiculous!”

“Therefore, you are no longer a candidate for the World Tree Communion representative. The voting will proceed with a single candidate.”

“I-impossible…”

His face was etched with shock.

As he stood there trembling, she delivered the final blow.

“Survive on your own. Lucianer, a mere elf without a tribe.”

Lucian collapsed on the spot.

Then, as if overwhelmed by the shock, he started laughing maniacally.

“Haha… No way… hahaha… I’m the World Tree Communion representative… haha.”

Hye-ji and I didn’t feel any sympathy for him.

We were more surprised he was laughing instead of crying.

“Sister Hye-ji, he’s laughing.”

“Let him be. He’s probably having a happy dream.”

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Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous

Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous

Score 9.7
Status: Ongoing Type: Author: Artist: Released: 2021 Native Language: Korean
Hey, all of us who CAN'T regress, how about we hit that like button? I'll go first!

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