Being a Viking Isn’t Fun – Chapter 10

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Shio
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I requested another of Aella ‘s coins from the village chief and stored it. Afterwards, I was busy running around.

In books, you often read something like, ‘So-and-so anchored at such-and-such place, spent the winter there, and moved on the following summer.’ However, making that a reality turned out to be much more work than anticipated. As the person in charge of practical matters, I had no choice but to handle everything myself…

First, we had to negotiate with the locals because we weren’t going to massacre them.

We had to politely convey the message, “We’re not interested in your lives, so let’s not fight!” and wait for their response. If they wanted to fight?

Well, we had to either slaughter them or retreat.

Fortunately, we achieved our first objective of securing a foothold on the British island by making an oath with Allah’s magic ring.

We set up an encampment on a hill next to the village, ready to flee to the ships at the first sign of a surprise attack, but nothing happened. So, our first objective can be considered successful, right?

Usually, when traveling, unfamiliar beds and food were the hardest things to deal with. However, the brave men of the Danes and Sviar ate heartily from the smoked meat and fish hanging from the longhouse ceiling and slept comfortably on the ground with the sky as their blanket.

Perhaps this was true camping?

21st-century humans were masquerading their all-in-one tents, unaware of the true, manly essence of camping.

In my case, while I had no physical problems, a deep sense of self-loathing overtook me while camping this way, with thoughts like, “But I’m from the 21st century…”

It was worse because I had learned that sleeping on grass could lead to bites from tsutsugamushi mites…

‘I’ll have to overhaul everything about this expedition (Viking raid) soon.’

Even if it was impossible to amass supplies like the armies of the distant future (2022), we owed it to ourselves to at least have blankets to spread on the ground and cover ourselves with.

Considering the production rate of Aros, it was more than doable.

“You slept like a bear last night, Helgi! But aren’t you being too relaxed, sleeping next to people who could turn into enemies at any moment? Hahaha!”

Anyway, we looked for a nearby stream to wash off the terrible outdoor odor, and eventually came across a shallow tributary flowing from the River Dour.

Taking into account the white cliffs we had seen at dawn while crossing the sea, the tributary definitely contained limestone. But I trusted my maxed-out stats and traits and plunged straight in.

[Splash-! Bubble bubble-]

Despite it being full summer, I sank deeply into the still-cold stream water and closed my eyes in contemplation.

The sound of boisterous men reverberated through the water, giving my mind, consumed with thoughts of Father and the expedition, a brief respite.

‘Let’s take it slow. One thing at a time. First, we need to move to a larger village. Dover is too small to handle 800 foreigners.’

Capturing and torturing Aella was impossible right now, so we had to solve problems one by one.

The road laid by the old Roman Empire began at Dover, and that road led to Canterbury (Cantwareburh – fortress of Kent people), a larger village further north.

‘We must absolutely take that place.’

It didn’t matter if it was with one of Allah’s magic rings, bribery, or more nefarious means, we had to dominate Canterbury, the center of Kent. If we failed? Well, that wasn’t an option…

Before falling asleep last night, I sought out Ivarr to discuss various matters. He suggested that we head directly to East Anglia, another kingdom of the Angles, just south of Northumbria. But…

As a person from the 21st century, I couldn’t accept that. Leaving the rear of our advance route unstable didn’t make sense, so I wanted to solidify our position here in Kent more firmly.

‘It’s clear that the expedition will be prolonged, and if we continue to muddle through with gifts and threats as we are now, it’s likely to cause problems down the line. Fortunately, we’ve made a good first step, so for the second step-‘

“Helgi! Helgi!”

‘Hmm?’

Ivarr’s faint—yet urgent—voice halted my thoughts, and along with the pleasant flow of water, I felt him shaking my shoulder.

The cool wind soothed me as my body, clad only in linen undergarments, rose from the water.

“Phew- What is it, Ivarr? What’s going on?”

After taking a deep breath of the pleasant wind and catching my breath, I prepared for an enemy attack, given Ivarr’s look of undisguised bewilderment.

“What do you mean, what’s going on? I thought you had died in the water, Helgi! You dive like a fish, brother!”

His expression soon morphed into one of admiration as he slapped my shoulder loudly. And the dozen or so warriors who were enjoying some type of cold-water combat shower also cheered, shouting things like “Fish Helgi!” “Son of Hel!” “Demigod!”

“No one could ever beat Jarl Helgi in diving.”

“Can you beat him in anything else?”

“Well, maybe in swimming! I’ve never lost to anyone else!”

After apologizing to Ivarr for worrying him, a wry smile soon crossed my lips as I watched the warriors boast about their skills, spurred on by my unintentional eccentricity.

“Everyone seems to have washed enough, so let’s switch with the next group now. Even though we’re on an expedition, it would be unfortunate to miss washing day (Lauda).”

Have I mentioned how shockingly clean the Vikings of this era were?

They had soap (closer to a slippery oil lump)! They even trimmed their fingernails, toenails, eyebrows, beards, and cut their hair. In Viking society, barbarians were extremely unpopular.

Who were the barbarians, you ask? The dirty Anglo-Saxons, Franks, and other assorted barbarians. I suspect that our trade with the Eastern Roman and Muslim empires greatly contributed to the Vikings’ cleanliness, but…

Despite these practices, many areas still fell short due to it being the beginning of the medieval period.

For example, sharing a house with livestock, lice and fleas, sewage being collected in large pits (although, it’s impressive that it wasn’t thrown in the streets).

These were practices that I would have to work to change. Especially after having experienced the extremely advanced hygienic culture of the 21st century.

However, I didn’t know how to make toilets out of white porcelain, or how to build sewers.

So, I planned to visit big cities like Rome and Constantinople someday. All I needed were books containing knowledge, my automatic translation ability would take care of the rest.

But for that, I’d need to earn a lot of money first.

“So, Helgi. You still haven’t changed your mind? You know, about what we talked about last night.”

As we walked shoulder-to-shoulder in pairs, inhaling the strong scent of phytoncide, Ivarr suddenly asked a question.

“My thoughts haven’t changed, Ivarr. We must make Canterbury friendly to us.”

“Canterbury, my brother. The people of Kent are tough. They’re quite fierce, befitting descendants of the Jutes. Bagsecg, the current Konungr of Jutland, would be quite pleased if he saw them.”

“Ah- Konungr Bagsecg, I heard he was heading to Uppsala when we left.”

“Yes, I heard that too. It seems there was some exchange with Father. I heard Mother would handle it well, but there was supposed to be a marriage arranged with Halfdan… Anyway, what’s important now isn’t whether Halfdan marries Bagsecg’s daughter or not, Helgi.”

Ivarr shook his head and put on a deliberately serious expression.

“Canterbury. Are you really going there? As you know, it’s difficult to occupy such a large town with our 800 men. Let’s go to East Anglia instead, Helgi. It’s just a shell now. We can raid one of those… what do they call them, monasteries, sell some as slaves, drive out the rest, and spend the winter there. That’s all we need to do.”

Ivarr’s words were cruel. But wasn’t it only natural?

If a flock of sheep defeated a wolf, it’d make the news, because such miracles were uncommon.

Devouring the weak. An unjustifiable practice, proven throughout history to be both logical and effective.

Despite this truth, I disagreed with Ivarr.

“Ivarr. My brother. If we burn every place we set foot on this large island for Father’s revenge, the embers will grow until they finally become uncontrollable. Like Surtr¹ in the myths.”
Ivarr shook his head, his ears seemingly perking up at my response.

“So if we go to Canterbury, will this situation be different? In my opinion, it will only end when either we die or they die.”

I almost nodded at Ivarr’s sensible words.

After all, weren’t we the invaders? Right now our 800-man vanguard was behaving, but the second and third waves of Northmen that’d follow us were not something anyone could stop.

Although we brothers rose for Father’s revenge, our warriors needed rewards. Honor was sufficient compensation, but people always desired more.

Aside from my domain, Aros, Scandinavia lacked fertile, productive farmland due to its harsh environment. What would the second, third, and fourth sons we conscripted want from a newly conquered land?

The collision was already predetermined, and blood would flow.

I wanted to prevent that at any cost, even if just a little. Not simply out of the compassion of an amateur prophet, but for a more meticulous revenge.

“You’re right, Ivarr. But if we can clear away the obstacles to Father’s revenge with just a few words, we should at least try. Right now, I’m just hoping that the Jarl of Canterbury is someone we can reasonably communicate with.”

“Sometimes you’re quite optimistic, Helgi. Well, with strength like yours, if things go wrong, you can just clear them all away. Alright, let’s give it a try!”

Ivarr smiled and patted my back.

Now that I had the commander-in-chief’s permission, all I could do was pray for nothing to go wrong.

Fortunately, according to the Earl of Dover, the current sentiment towards Wessex, the dominant power in the west that had absorbed Kent and East Anglia, was not very favorable. (Wessex wouldn’t have brought Kent and East Anglia under its control peacefully; bloodshed and conflict naturally followed their conquest.) So this should provide us with some maneuverability.

‘If it doesn’t work, we’ll have to resolve it with fists.’

Although I had strained my brain quite a bit, I was unfortunately more suited to being a great warrior than a great politician. I had talked a big game to Ivarr, but in reality, I didn’t have much of a plan.

I planned to just face them and tell them the facts about our situation and theirs.

And if dialogue didn’t work, we’d resolve it with force. After all, I had to see the face of Aella, the Konungr of Northumbria, with my own eyes.

“They say it takes less than a day to get there following the old road, so let’s set out tomorrow. For now, let’s get some beer from the Earl’s house today!”

The group following behind cheered at Ivarr’s joking words.

Everyone was playing with the silver pieces they had in their possession, hinting at the likelihood of another drinking party today. Even my chest, which had felt heavy with responsibility, lightened a bit from the festive atmosphere.

‘It would be nice if there was mead.’

Thinking about the sweet mead, I lightly tapped the money pouch hidden inside my clothes.

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Canterbury, the heart of Kent, was a large city encircled by solid, high stone walls, unlike the wooden fortresses we had seen so far. Although it was our first time here, the people of Canterbury seemed oddly familiar with us.

“Get back, you barbarians!”

[Whizz- Ting!]

‘Damn it.’

Someone knew how to shoot a bow?

Blocking the now quivering arrow with my shield, I gazed at the high walls.

The clear hostility and fear in the eyes of those on the walls made it evident: these people had suffered greatly at the hands of Vikings.

“Wasn’t dialogue supposed to be done with words, brother? Oh my, I must have misunderstood! It starts with arrows first, right?”

Ivarr, who had approached the walls with me, quickly hid behind my back and teased me.

‘Damn it.’

“They said to get lost!”

[Whizz- Tick!]

Although this arrow hit the ground a bit away, a feeling of despair struck me.

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Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Honestly, I could do without the “manly” “true” camping Helgi was going on about. I’d rather not wake up to webs for a blanket or something LOL.

Also there is no way Helgi believed that the people of Canterbury would willingly converse with Vikings, more specifically, a Viking of Helgi’s stature. If you had a gun (in this case a bow) and a grizzly bear approached you, would you A) Believe it came to converse with it or B) Shoot it in the cranium as soon as humanly possible?

Loved the chapter. As usual, if there are any grammar errors or stuff of that matter, ping Oihs in the Arcane Translations discord.

Notes:

1: In Norse mythology, Surtr, also sometimes written Surt in English, is a jötunn; he is the greatest of the fire giants, who serves as the guardian of Muspelheim which is along with Niflheim, the only two realms to exist before the beginning of time.