Absolutely Do Not Touch Eldmia Egga – Chapter 80

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Yuziro
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“Why is it so quiet around here? I thought people would be watching your every move.”

Lagnis said, as she let down her ponytail after finishing class and ordering a simple drink at the café.

It was true that after Esmée’s visit, it seemed as if a barrier had been erected in the area, abruptly cutting off foot traffic.

“The princess was here earlier. That might be why.”.

“Princess…? But Esselua was in the same class as me.”

“Not her. First Princess Esmée visited.”

“The First Princess?!”

In all the time I had known Lagnis, I had never seen her move like that – like a cat startled by a cucumber.

I was genuinely amazed by her reaction, jumping up as if Esmée had been sitting in the chair she was about to take.

I didn’t know she could move like that.

“W-why would the Iron-Blooded Princess… No, wait. It’s not strange for her to intervene directly, considering the mess that Rudra’s bastard caused, is it?”

“Hold on. Iron what? Iron-Blooded?”

What kind of outrageous nickname was she giving to my hamster?

Was there another cute homonym for “iron-blooded” that I didn’t know about?

Apart from her unique way of speaking, there was nothing about her that warranted being called “iron-blooded.”

Regardless of my confusion, Lagnis sat back down, acting as if it was natural for me not to know, and continued her explanation carefully, as if someone might be listening.

“She’s a monster among monsters who, at just 18, has nearly secured the foundation for imperial succession. Naturally weak in body and unable to master swordsmanship, she showed outstanding talent in all other areas. She even chewed up and spit out the high nobles of the empire, who were called old snakes for maintaining power for a long time, through purges to establish her base.”

Eh…?

“It took about four years, as far as is publicly known? We don’t know how it really was, but even though the Emperor has many children who don’t get along, no one except the Second Prince dares to challenge her succession. That’s the current situation. She earned the nickname ‘Iron-Blooded’ for showing quite a tyrannical tendency to get to that point. In fact, she’s been called that since she was 15… These days, nobles bow their heads just at her appearance.”

The words coming out of Lagnis’s mouth were far beyond my imagination.

Purges?

Tyrant?

The little cake monster hamster who would blush, stammer, and get nervous at the slightest mistake, yet couldn’t resist praise…?

“My… my hamster couldn’t possibly…”

“What hamster… Wait? What did you just say? My?”

Suddenly, Lagnis’s eyes lit up again, and I unconsciously leaned back a bit as I told her about what had happened while she was in class.

It was just a simple story of enjoying pleasant conversation while decimating a cake and getting a promise about the Gwillo incident… or so I thought…

Lagnis’s expression was anything but simple.

“The Iron-Blooded Princess… What madman would try to make a move on her…!”

“Oh my. You’re saying things that could be misunderstood. What do you mean by ‘make a move’? We simply had a pleasant tea party.”

Although it was quite a shock to learn that she was three years older than me, not just a year or two, in the end, she was still just a child.

Even though, contrary to appearances, she was a natural-born empress of conspiracy who had enjoyed purging the nobility… she was still a cute little kid.

“Can’t you live normally for once, Eldmia? How do you manage to get involved in incidents wherever you go?”

“Well… if you’re asking if this is entirely my fault…”

“Then is it my fault?”

“No… come to think of it, it really is my fault…”

Come to think of it, it really was.

In a way, I could argue that Lagnis was the origin of the incident for telling me to win against the hero, but honestly, even without that, I would have tried my hardest to win given Sieg’s attitude at the time.

Because I won, Rudra’s dog stuck to me, and unless he was a reformed dog from a parallel universe, he still would have died by my hand.

“Even if you didn’t know who she was at first, you should have reacted differently once you knew it was her!”

“No, teacher, that’s not right. I firmly believe that I survived because of my awesome choices.”

I couldn’t concede on that point.

With any other choice, my head might have been chopped off on the guillotine like the enemies I had dispatched so far.

“Sigh… my head is throbbing. How on earth did Asirye manage to raise you for six years?”

“With love and affection…?”

I unnecessarily spoke and got my shin kicked.

What a world it was, where speaking the truth brings pain.

It wasn’t much different from my previous life.

“…Phew. I don’t know what kind of miracle happened, but it seems the Iron-Blooded Princess left without harboring any ill feelings towards you.”

“It was the brilliant social skills of Eldmia Egga, with a mental age exceeding 30, that actually built up goodwill.”

“…This is too serious. We’re talking about the future empress, not some elf…”

“Huh? What did you say?”

“W-why are you listening to my mumbling!”

“Ow! H-how can you kick me after speaking so loudly yourself!”

“Shut up!”

For some reason I didn’t understand, I was kicked in the shin for the crime of being impertinent and had no choice but to keep my mouth shut in the face of violence.

Ugh… how unjust.

“Right. We still… still don’t know.”

She kept muttering to herself as if she was ruminating on all the world’s problems alone.

I was curious about what she was pondering so deeply, but sensing that I’d only get my shins kicked again if I asked, I kept my mouth shut.

Finally, seeming to have finished her thoughts, Lagnis returned to the main point.

“As I said earlier, she’s currently the most likely successor to the throne. Her words are as good as absolute. Even if she only said it to you, she’s not the type of person to speak lightly. This Rudra issue seems like it will be a very unexpected harvest for me, for us.”

Despite saying this, Lagnis couldn’t manage a bright expression, as if she had other concerns.

What was it, really?

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The third day in the empire passed without incident, perhaps due to the major event of meeting Esmée.

In fact, just the rumor that I had conversed with her allowed me to enjoy a very comfortable journey home from school.

“Hahahaha! Brother! I believe in you! You didn’t disappoint, you little rascal!”

“I haven’t had a normal morning since coming to the empire. Why are you acting up again this morning?”

The fourth day dawned with the ominous signs of an approaching storm, thanks to Sieg, who came running like a ghost, slapping my back with a broad grin.

“I heard you met that forehead ghost yesterday?”

Esmée’s pure white, smooth forehead came to mind all too naturally, but knowing his intentions were obvious, I pretended not to understand and replied.

Even though he used the word ‘forehead’, shortening it to ‘fore’ was purely because this guy was a reincarnator, so reacting would be dangerous.

“Who are you talking about? What’s a ‘fore’?”

“Ah! I meant forehead. I heard you met Princess Esmée.”

“Who are you calling Princess Esmée… that forehead ghost?”

Wow, this guy really has no filter.

Does he even call the Emperor ‘uncle’?

But rather than being taken aback by my response, he seemed to be enjoying himself even more, baring his teeth in a grin.

“Hehe. Normally, I wouldn’t dare call her that either. But once she voluntarily enters the academy’s rules, she’s nothing more or less than a forehead ghost.”

“Pardon?”

What’s he talking about now?

Do the principles of equality apply to imperials just for visiting the academy?

“Anyway, I believe in you, brother! It’s almost sad that there are only four days left! Are you sure you don’t want to live with me in the empire?”

“Please stop saying such horrifying things. Why should I hear such words from a guy?”

I really got goosebumps all over my body for a moment, damn it.

“Ha. What a shame, what a shame. I wish there was some way, you know. But what can we do? I’m a man who knows how to enjoy the present. I’ll put aside the regret and enjoy the remaining four days.”

“What on earth are you…”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about!”

Sieg, who was shorter than me, recklessly put his arm around my shoulders and pointed towards the academy’s main gate that we had just passed through.

Following his finger, I saw students who were clearly flustered by an unexpected situation, along with a very expensive-looking carriage entering.

“It, it’s the First Princess’s carriage!”

“The Princess is coming to the academy…?”

“S-someone must have committed a crime!”

What’s with that last reaction?

Is that really her image?

My hamster?

As we watched the carriage slowly enter and stop, Sieg laughed so happily that I really wanted to give him a knock on the head.

“Kuhehe, that damn forehead. I heard you honorably killed Rudra’s lunatic yesterday?”

“Please speak in a way I can understand. What’s a ‘lunatic’? I did have an honor duel, but what’s this about an honor killing? Where do you get such bizarre vocabulary?”

Talking with this guy was unnecessarily nostalgic but also annoying because I had to respond to everything.

But Sieg didn’t seem to mind anymore and just continued speaking.

“As long as you understand what I mean, it’s fine. You’ll often encounter this when talking with me, so just go with it. Anyway, thanks to that lunatic causing an unprecedented situation, that forehead ghost was angry to the tips of her hair. Man, you should have seen her yesterday. That little bean was so angry it looked like her hair might stand on end. I heard she was ready to summarily execute Rudra’s envoy on the spot.”

As the stern-faced old butler who had descended from the coachman’s seat opened the door of the stopped carriage, a very dainty foot appeared.

Soon after, Esmée fully emerged, dressed in a simple dark purple dress dyed with a color that anyone could tell belonged to a different class of nobility, with gold accessories as accents.

“Envoys will keep coming for the next few days, and rather than stand by and let such a thing happen twice, she said she’d personally accompany you. That forehead has a ton of work to do, so if it comes to that, the people around her will have a hard time, but they can’t even make a peep.”

“She’s going to accompany me?”

“Yeah, she’s going to accompany you. Hahaha. I know her temper well, and she must be feeling like she’s shitting blood, for real.”

This guy is laughing like he’s gone mad with joy.

Was it really that funny?

Besides, there wasn’t any problem yesterday?

Was it different when it’s official?

After giving some light instructions to her butler, she ignored the students around her who were unsure whether to kneel or continue their normal school routine, answering with her indifference as she naturally approached me.

The students, relieved that they weren’t rebuked for not kneeling, began to hurry to class very enthusiastically.

She looked at me and smiled faintly, she then looked at Sieg next to me, and seemed to frown before smiling again, it was clear what action I needed to take.

“We meet again, Esmée. It was a much quicker reunion than I expected.”

“Huh?”

I naturally freed myself from Sieg’s arm around my shoulder as he stopped laughing and seemed about to lose his senses, and Esmée lightly accepted my greeting and replied.

“Indeed it is, Eldmia. As I said, I have staked my name on this.”

“…Huh?”

Only Sieg, with his stupid expression, was unable to understand the conversation we were having, experiencing cognitive dissonance.

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[Only eldmia could make Mussolini be his bitch. Anyways, Ive had a rough day at work and I had a crazy headache all day, so sorry for the late chapter. As always, tell me if you spot any issues with the translations]