Absolutely Do Not Touch Eldmia Egga – Chapter 3

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Yuziro
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“Fuck, fuck, what do we do with that? What do we do with that?”

There were three guys left. The ones who were already in the back seemed to be dead, and the one whose throat was just cut was having a seizure, but as the surviving guys had no intention of helping him, he would die soon.

I rubbed my eyes with my bloody hands, pretending to cry, and observed the guys.

Even in this situation, they neither ran away nor rushed at me simultaneously to try to kill me. It was clear evidence that a magic sword held considerable value, yet their skills were too lacking in order to take it from me by force.

I had no intention of letting them live. These bastards came to plunder this place where there was already nothing left? In my eyes they were no longer humans, but creatures worse than beasts.

“Fucking shut…!”

When I wailed loudly beside them, one guy who couldn’t hold back his anger in the confusion tried to shout, but the guy next to him hurriedly stopped him.

“You crazy bastard! Don’t provoke him! K-kid. C-could you put that sword down?”

The vicious-looking guy was sweating profusely while forcing a smile, which was utterly disgusting. Yeah. It was time for them to think that if holding it caused trouble, putting it down would solve the problem.

“Sob… sob… ah, it won’t come off.”

At this moment, I was the embodiment of a pantomime actor. I put on a method acting performance, making it seem like the sword wouldn’t fall off even if I tried to drop it from my left hand with all my might, then burst into tears again.

“Wahhh, Mom!”

Mother! Father! Watch from there as your son twists those bastards and sends them to a twisted afterlife! I will show you that your son can live resiliently in this harsh world!

My mana was still sufficient. I had packed it in, so my body could endure the joint damage I had anticipated. I walked towards the grave where I had laid my parents to rest, sniveling.

The sword I was holding was the one my mother had been gripping. And my father was also holding an identical sword.

If the guys were eyeing the magic swords, their eyes would roll back as soon as they saw my parents’ corpses.

“Hey! Where are you going?!”

“Wahhh!”

If you’re curious, you should follow me. As expected, the guys eventually approached me hesitantly, dragging the slave along to see what I was doing.

“Fucking crazy… huh?!”

With a whoosh, the sound of one guy leaping forward was heard. When I quickly turned my head, the gaze of the approaching guy was already on the longsword held in my father’s hand, so I thrust the sword towards his heart.

-Squish!

“Ack…!”

There was a different sensation of resistance compared to cutting, and I almost dropped the sword from my hand, but I gritted my teeth and endured it. I could feel all the blisters bursting, but it was better than dying.

As I forcibly resisted the body leaning towards me, the bandit’s breath ceased as he fell to his knees with a thud.

In the meantime, I pulled out the dagger from his belt, hid it in my bosom, and wailed at the top of my lungs.

“Mark!”

“Wahhh!”

The other two guys were still stomping their feet, unable to grasp the situation, but… the woman with the collar around her neck was unbelievably calm, as if in another world.

I think she noticed.

“Huh, huh, huh?”

I pretended to be startled. Pretending not to understand, I let go of the sword with both hands. At that sight, the eyes of the two guys widened.

“Wahhh, Dad!”

There were two swords anyway. And I had a dagger in my bosom too. I went straight to my father’s corpse, pretending to sit down, and grabbed the sword.

“Hey, fucking hurry and grab that!”

As I moved away from the sword, the two guys rushed in without hesitation to squat down next to Mark’s corpse.

Are they idiots? When a little kid is killing everyone who approaches while holding a sword, couldn’t they think that the moment one of them grabs it, the other might die? I thought they might immediately start fighting over it, but it wasn’t even that.

They were just a pair of friendly idiots. I ran with the sword without hesitation and thrust it into one guy’s neck.

“Ack?!”

“Huh? Huh?!”

There was no need to pull it out again. I drew the dagger that was in my bosom and thrust it upwards with all my might from under the chin of the guy who was startled next to me.

“Urk!”

Since it wasn’t a longsword, I pulled all the mana I had in case of unforeseen circumstances, so even the hilt went in. As the guy fell backwards and collapsed, I fell to the ground, and only then did a deep sense of relief wash over me.

“Fuck! I thought I was going to die, seriously! Is this life?!”

There’s a limit to hardcore, really!

If it weren’t for the mage who taught me how to use mana, I would have died now or been crying in misery in the mountains, unable to even protect my parents’ corpses.

“Ahhhhh!”

Of course, even now, I was screaming, overwhelmed with sorrow.

But since there was still a long life ahead, I decided to stop the nonsense and get up, brushing my butt. Then I shifted my gaze to the slave who was looking at me.

Through the messy platinum hair of her dirty dress-like attire, eyes filled with composure were looking at me.

“You noticed, didn’t you?”

“…Yes, sir.”

She spoke politely. Is it because she’s a slave? No. Even if it were me, if there was an 8-year-old psychopath kid who killed 6 people in front of me while my hands and feet were inconveniently tied up, I would have no choice but to speak politely.

I pulled out the longsword I had thrust into the bandit’s neck again, approaching her cautiously in case she might try to kill me, and only then could I tell that she was an elf. It was only visible now because of her disheveled hair and drooping ears.

“An elf?”

At the same time, it was also amazing news for me.

“…That’s right.”

The shackles around her neck, arms, and legs were engraved with unknown patterns. If those weren’t decorations, there could only be one reason for putting such things on her.

“Are you a mage?”

“……Yes.”

For a moment, I felt like a halo was emanating from the elf woman who was utterly shabby and haggard, and I unknowingly knelt down and exclaimed.

“Thank you, God! You fucking existed!”

A mage! And an elf mage at that! And an elf bound by magic!!

It was clear that the world wasn’t just about dying. Good things come after bad things pass! But to others, it must have just seemed like a fit, as the elf retreated, extremely wary.

Neigh! At the sound of a horse neighing in the distance, I came back to reality, jumped up, and grabbed the elf’s hands.

“Ahhh!”

“Let me make a proposal!”

“What?!”

“A proposal!!”

Mages can’t lie.

It was an unchanging truth verified through the mouths of the mage who was no different from my lifesaver and my parents.

I would make her an offer she couldn’t refuse.

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“So… in exchange for freeing me, you want me to raise you until you turn 16?”

“It’s not an inaccurate expression, but to be precise, I’m asking you to teach me all the survival skills and life wisdom you know.”

Her name was Asirye, an elf. She said she was an adventurer.

I couldn’t understand how she got caught by those idiots, but it turned out those idiots had robbed another slave trader and merely took Asirye as their loot.

And they were on their way to the city to find the slave market, delighted with the unexpected loot, when they discovered our village.

I was even more curious about how the idiots who were robbed by idiots managed to capture an elf, but I just accepted it as it was.

“As you can see, I have nothing left due to the invasion of the Demon King’s army. But how is an 8-year-old kid supposed to live in this harsh world?

Although 8 years is not a short time, you’re an elf, Asirye! If being dragged around as a slave or facing imminent death ends with just 8 years of servitude, isn’t it a profitable deal?”

All the conditions were perfect. One might think she was an idiot for being caught by idiots, but being a mage, and especially an elf was not something to be taken lightly.

Rather, the possibility of an elf slave falling into the hands of idiots through a rare twist of fate that doesn’t easily happen even to genuinely kind people was higher than the possibility of her being an idiot elf mage.

And I, who was now in a position to make a deal with her, was holding a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

“It would be great if I could learn magic too, but I don’t even think I’ll be able to learn it just because I want to.”

She was an elf who had lived for 120 years. A whole 120 years! Although she was a mage, she knew how to use a bow and could handle a sword a little, but for elves, a little meant they didn’t even consider it as having learned it even after 1-2 years.

From survival skills to adventurer tips, there was so much to learn from her, like a living, breathing encyclopedia.

“Please, big sis! If it’s not you, this poor little human boy will die within this year!”

Although I said I would make an offer she couldn’t refuse, I was afraid she might refuse. In the end, I knelt down, bowed my head, and begged and begged again.

“…Can’t you just take me around as a slave?”

“What? What are you saying? What do you take people for?”

This girl was saying something dangerous. My mood instantly soured, and my face scowled.

“Who do you take me for, a dog butcher? A slave. I didn’t think of you that way, but your ideas seem very violent. Do elves also have a slave system, by any chance?”

“No, that can’t be!”

“Then why are you saying that?!”

When she retorted with indignation, I snapped at her. Why are you mentioning slavery when you don’t even have a slave system?!

“…Are you really human? And an 8 year old at that?”

She looked at me with utter suspicion, but I answered nonchalantly.

“If you live in this world for a long time , you’ll have seen many strange things, so just accept it as it is. It’s an unchanging fact.”

I had already killed six people, so what more was there to hide by pretending to be a child? But I had no reason to do anything that would make her doubt my sanity, like saying I had been reincarnated or whatnot.

Her gaze, filled with strange suspicion yet no longer wary, stared at me for a while.

“Alright. I accept.”

“…Really?”

“Really. I, Asirye Enderinia, an elf of the Blue Vine and a mage, swear on my name. For the next 8 years, I will assist you and help you live on your own.”

I survived! I was so moved that I could have cried, but I quickly got up and untied the restraints on Asirye’s body one by one.

It wasn’t very difficult since the bandit leader had the key. But for some reason, Asirye, who had been making a strange expression the whole time I was removing the restraints, spoke up.

“You’re just untying me like this?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, what about an oath or something…”

“…Eh?”

What is she talking about…? Don’t tell me…?

“What if I just take the stuff and run away like this? When you’re freeing someone who’s wearing slave restraints with conditions, you’re supposed to re-contract by placing your hand on the restraints.”

“Eek!”

For a moment, my mind turned blank, and I almost passed out.

“P-please! Help me! Help!”

While I was about to cry, I clung to her calf and flailed around. I fucked up! I fucked up! I thought I could just untie her!

“Wait, wait! I won’t run away! I have my honor too!”

Fortunately, Asirye was an elf with honor and common sense. Asirye, who calmed me down when I was almost in a panic, stroked my head and said,

“Don’t worry. One way or another, you are my savior. Elves never repay kindness with betrayal.”

“Just like mages don’t lie?”

“Actually, there are some bastards among mages who do lie.”

“Gasp!”

It wasn’t… the truth…!

“Haha. No, of course, it’s generally true that they don’t lie. But it’s not absolute. So you shouldn’t blindly believe that mages don’t lie.”

To think that such bastards are given the great power of magic. It’s a truly unfair world.

But apart from that, Asirye gently grabbed my shoulders with both hands, looked straight at me, and spoke. Unlike before, her emerald eyes were shining with definite vitality.

“But there are no elves who repay kindness with enmity. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Phew… thank you.”

I thought I was really done for, but it seemed I had avoided a hardcore otherworld survival story, at least.

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