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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Mod7
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When the two rhythmic metronomes finally stopped, two irreversible phenomena remained:
One: two broken spoons.
Two: Choi Da-eun’s massively swollen head.
She was rubbing her head and whimpering in pain.
Of course…
“Sob… sob… it hurts… I’ve been violated.”
“My heart is the one that’s been violated, you bitch.”
I felt no sympathy for her.
She should be thanking me instead.
For sparing her life.
I helped her up and calmly stated my demand.
“Stop publishing that insane novel.”
“That’s impossible! It’s already sold out!”
“…What?”
I grabbed her by the collar. What the hell was she talking about?
My hands trembled with rage, but I tried to compose myself and growled,
“What… do you mean… you bastard.”
“Well, this was my first time selling it online, and it was a huge hit! Want to see the reviews?”
Oblivious to my anger, she cheerfully showed me her phone.
It was some kind of online marketplace.
And on the screen, I saw the comments for her book.
They were all anonymous, of course.
– OMG! The chemistry between the long-lived species and the short-lived species is amazing!
– The top/bottom reversal is beautiful!
– The long-lived species will only think about the short-lived one till the very end. So beautiful!
– Author, please release the second volume ASAP!
– More! Give me more!!!
Three objective facts:
One. The word “Sold Out” was plastered everywhere.
Two. The book had an average rating of 4.9 out of 5.
Three. There were over a hundred comments.
I felt like I was going crazy.
“What… what is this? How many people bought this?”
“How dare these bastards write about me without my permission!”
“Master, Miss Hye-ji, please calm down.”
[It seems a new male love interest is being added to the story.]
‘Shut up or you’re dead, you bastard.’
Jung Ah-yeon tried to calm us down.
But it was futile.
“Do you really think we can calm down?”
“Accept it! This is an unstoppable trend!”
“You bitch!”
I grabbed her by the collar again, this time lifting her off the ground.
But even seeing her struggle didn’t make me feel any better.
“Trend my ass! You dying is the trend of this arc.”
“Shinwoo, where are they? Can I track their IQs? I’m going to burn them all.”
I threw Choi Da-eun aside and hugged Hye-ji tightly, stopping her from going on a rampage.
If she left, things would get ugly.
My embrace seemed to be working, because she calmed down.
[It’s a BL BL Party!]
‘Those bastards. Why couldn’t they just stick to J-Novel? I’m going to kill them.’
I helped the gasping Choi Da-eun back onto her feet.
“You said you were an author, right?”
“Gasp… yes, I write male-oriented fantasy novels.”
If she considered herself an author, she must be somewhat competent.
So a question popped into my head.
“But why are you writing this kind of trash when you usually write decent stuff?”
“Well, the fantasy novel I’m currently writing is a bit difficult to develop.”
She scratched her head, looking apologetic.
Then she started trembling, as if a scary thought occurred to her.
“If I make a mistake, I get a lot of comments like, ‘I’m dropping this. Why don’t you go work at Coupang, author?’”
“So it’s hard to write fantasy novels for a male audience?”
I had a good idea.
A sinister smile crept across my face.
I whispered to Hye-ji,
“Hye-ji, go gag Jung Ah-yeon.”
“Got it.”
“My lady? What are you doing?!”
Hye-ji didn’t answer her question verbally.
She simply appeared behind Jung Ah-yeon and covered her mouth.
With that potential variable taken care of, I began imparting my wisdom to Choi Da-eun.
“Choi Da-eun, I’ve read a lot of novels. I might not be able to write, but I know how to captivate readers.”
“Really?! Please enlighten me, Master!!!”
She immediately latched onto me, her pain seemingly forgotten.
Her shameless, fawning behavior disgusted me.
I wanted to slap her.
But I held back. I wanted something more impactful.
Suppressing the burning rage in my heart, I started speaking.
First, I had to confirm if she had read any other web novels.
“Before we start, have you read many other web novels?”
“No, not really. It’s already hard enough to focus on my own series. I don’t have time to read others.”
Good.
I was relieved she hadn’t read any other web novels.
It would be problematic if she caught on to what I was doing.
So, the next step was to confirm her publishing platform.
I had to make sure this would be effective.
“Where are you publishing your novel?”
“On that platform with the cute mascot, the one where the servers are always crashing.”
“I know the one.”
“Yeah, and if you shorten the mascot’s name-”
“They asked us not to shorten it, you know?”
I quickly covered her mouth.
[That was close.]
*‘Just this once. Be grateful, Novel-chan.’ *
I almost endangered the very existence of the platform.
I removed my hand and continued.
It was time for my revenge.
“Can you briefly explain your novel?”
“It’s a fantasy, growth-focused story. And a harem.”
“How are the sales?”
“They’ve declined recently.”
She seemed dejected.
She was clearly bothered by the recent drop in views.
I pretended to stroke my chin and glanced at Hye-ji.
She was properly marking Jung Ah-yeon, her hand still firmly covering her mouth.
Perfect.
I turned my attention back to Choi Da-eun and spoke.
Calmly and carefully, to ensure nothing went wrong.
“First, think about it. What do you think is the problem with your novel?”
“I think the views declined because I kept increasing the number of heroines in the harem.”
“I understand. That’s probably because you didn’t manage the heroines properly.”
She pondered my words, as if realizing her own mistakes.
I quickly continued, to prevent her from thinking too deeply.
“Is a harem just about conquering the heroines and turning them into trophies?”
“Of course not. But I don’t know what to do.”
Her eyes sparkled with anticipation.
I met her gaze and said,
“You can’t just leave the heroines be. Give the readers something to worry about. Keep them on edge so that they keep reading.”
“How?”
“They’re all virgin heroines who haven’t had any romantic relationships with the protagonist, right? Have the villain kidnap them, leaving only a note behind.”
“Isn’t that a bit too extreme?”
Choi Da-eun looked a bit scared.
I patted her shoulder and said gently,
“Think about it. The readers will be on the edge of their seats, wondering ‘Did the heroines get violated?’”
“That’s true! It’ll definitely create a lot of suspense!”
“You’re wrong! Mmm! Mmmph! Mmmmmm!!!!!”
Hye-ji quickly gagged Jung Ah-yeon.
She was still marking her properly.
“That’s how you keep the story engaging.”
“I understand! I’ll remember that!”
She took out a notebook and started writing furiously.
Once she stopped writing, I continued,
“And if the protagonist just keeps growing stronger? It takes away the tension and excitement of his initial struggles.”
“Then what should I do?”
“Have him lose his powers due to an ancient curse, and then make him train to regain them.”
“Oh! He goes back to his original roots!”
“Yes, you’re getting it.”
“Stop it! Mmm! Let me go! Mmmph! Mmm!!!”
I noticed that Jung Ah-yeon’s struggling was getting more intense, despite Hye-ji’s strong grip.
I had to hurry before it was too late.
“And you said the protagonist is male, right?”
“Yes!”
“Then create a male companion who’s obsessed with him and clings to him.”
“That doesn’t sound right.”
This time, Choi Da-eun looked genuinely confused.
But I had to finish this.
I kept a neutral expression and continued calmly,
“It’s normal for male companions to exist in novels aimed at men. The platform you’re publishing on even has stories where the entire party is male.”
“Ah, I see. My knowledge is limited.”
Thankfully, she accepted it easily.
It was time to get back to the main point.
“Anyway, you need to make the male companion obsessed with the protagonist’s every move and have him constantly clinging to him.”
“How?”
“For example, have the male companion say things like, ‘Bro, do you really want to see me go crazy?’”
“I understand! I’ll add it right away!”
“Good. That’s all the advice I have for you.”
“Stop it! Mmm! Not that! Mmm!!!”
There was no more advice to give.
Choi Da-eun quickly packed her belongings, gave us a brief farewell, and left.
Only then did Hye-ji finally release Jung Ah-yeon.
Jung Ah-yeon glared at me, looking defeated.
“…Master, you truly are a monster.”
“It’s a fitting revenge for using me as material for a shitty novel.”
“Shinwoo, what was all that about?”
“The three things that make people drop web novels.”
Hye-ji, who didn’t read web novels, seemed clueless.
But I assumed Jung Ah-yeon had picked up the hobby of reading from her sister.
And her reaction earlier confirmed my assumption.
“She’ll send a 5700-word complaint message.”
“5700 words? Consider yourself lucky if it’s just that. I’m expecting at least 57000 words.”
She glared at me.
“Master Shinwoo, do you even have a heart?”
“A king doesn’t understand the hearts of his subjects.”
“As expected, Shinwoo truly is the King of the Unicorns.”
“Damn, that’s a good one.”
The voice in my head spoke,
[Aren’t you being too harsh?]
‘It’s not like I’m bringing back a disbanded male idol group into the plot, right?’
Good luck, Choi Da-eun.
You bitch.
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It was the first practical training session after the midterms.
Unlike before, we wouldn’t be sparring with other students anymore.
Our opponents this time were monsters.
But not real ones.
Simulated monsters.
Naturally, they were weaker than the real ones.
I figured it would be manageable. Then, I noticed that Hye-ji’s attire was different from usual, so I asked,
“Hye-ji, why are you wielding a hammer and shield this time?”
Instead of her usual firearms, she was wielding simple, blunt weapons.
It was a rare sight.
“Are you a Poppy support?”
“I used too much firepower during the midterms, so I got a complaint from the Monster Rights Association.”
She grumbled, clearly annoyed.
“Who the hell are they?”
“I don’t know, just a bunch of bastards.”
There was still some time left before class started, so I quickly searched for information on my phone.
And of course, I turned to the ultimate source of knowledge: Namuwiki.
As soon as I searched, a list of incidents, accidents, and infamous quotes popped up.
[…People actually feed monsters, claiming they’re just giving them food?]
‘They even said ‘our monsters might bite’ when someone died.’
These guys were crazy.
I quickly skimmed through their description to learn more about this group.
They had a surprisingly short history. They emerged after the world became relatively peaceful thanks to the Hunters.
It was a perfect example of how people do all sorts of crazy things when they have too much time on their hands.
The “Monster Rights Association” was originally a branch of the existing Animal Protection Association. But they gradually gained power and eventually absorbed the parent organization.
The key turning point was their recruitment of cat ladies.
Thanks to the cat ladies’ aggressive activism, the Monster Rights Association became mainstream, with the cat ladies naturally rising to leadership positions.
Anyway, they spent most of their time condemning Hunters for their treatment of monsters.
Or they would organize protests to disrupt monster hunts.
It was a cunning tactic, exploiting their status as civilians.
Another interesting fact was that their members had a short average lifespan due to their excessive love for monsters.
Most of them ended up being eaten.
And yet, their organization continued to grow.
[…There’s not a single sane person among them.]
‘Cat ladies are all crazy.’
“Anyway, I’m only allowed to use melee weapons for a while until they calm down.”
“This is bullshit. You’re going through a lot, Hye-ji.”
“They’re way too intrusive. It’s like they think I’m constantly blowing shit up.”
But despite her words, her hands were trembling.
Like a drug addict who was denied their fix.
“Miss Hye-ji, you’re having withdrawal symptoms.”
“…Hye-ji, maybe they’re right about you.”
It was time for class to start.
As the designated students entered the training grounds, monsters began to spawn randomly on the opposite side.
My opponents were two large wolves.
Unlike the unicorns, there were no numbers above their heads.
They were simulated monsters, so they couldn’t regress.
[Think you can handle them?]
‘They’re just dogs, not unicorns. Easy peasy.’
I confidently charged towards the monsters.
And a minute later…
…I was being dragged around the training grounds, my legs clamped in their jaws, like a parade float.
And then they threw me to the ground, standing over my head with their legs spread.
“Shinwoo, why are you getting dominated?”
“I’ve been defiled, damn it.”
“You were a human butcher when you were fighting those students, but why aren’t you fighting the monsters? Is this discrimination?”
“Did Master Shinwoo join the Monster Rights Association?”
Hye-ji and Jung Ah-yeon’s words pierced through my heart.
My expression darkened involuntarily from the pain.
But the more dejected I became, the brighter their faces grew.
“Shinwoo, that’s not how you’re supposed to fight them~.”
“Master, you’re supposed to do it like this.”
[That’s not how you’re supposed to do it.]
“Damn it.”
They were all such annoying bastards.
This wasn’t even Dark Souls.
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