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Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous – Chapter 33

.。.:✧ As the Protagonist, I Can Do This in One Go. ✧:.。.

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Mod7
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My spirit was crushed.

Honestly, I thought I would win.

But the reality was that I got completely played by two goddamn dogs.

It was frustrating.

Thankfully, this was the academy.

They weren’t going to just keep beating me up like some lunatic and say, “You’ll learn eventually.”

“So… Shinwoo, what do you want from me?”

“Can you teach me how to catch those bastards?”

I was speaking with Professor Marina.

Short blond hair, exotic features, a casual office outfit, and a black whip on her hip.

She would’ve been pretty attractive if it weren’t for her lethargic and bored expression, which completely ruined the effect.

“They’re called werewolves, not ‘bastards.'”

“Whatever. They’re both two-syllable words.”

“…Anyway, Shinwoo, what do you think is the issue here?”

“Why are you questioning me when I’m the one asking?”

“…Ha…”

She let out a deep sigh.

Her Korean was so fluent that even her sighs sounded natural.

“Honestly, I didn’t expect you to lose to such low-level mobs. Especially you, Shinwoo.”

“They’re not low-level mobs! They’re bosses!”

[You’re just bad at the game.]

*‘Don’t rub it in. Those bastards are annoying enough.’ *

She rubbed her temples, then looked at me again.

“You should be able to handle them easily with a bit of physical enhancement, Student Shinwoo.”

“How do I do that?”

“…How did you even get into this academy?”

Her face contorted in a mixture of disbelief and exasperation.

As if she was wondering if I was actually a student, and lamenting her bad luck for getting stuck with an idiot.

“This is basic knowledge that every student with an ability learns. It’s part of the basic curriculum.”

“I’m a non-ability user according to the reader.”

“Then how the hell did you even get here?”

“That’s a discriminatory remark. I’m reporting you.”

“Damn it… fine. Focus.”

She fixed her gaze on me.

Her eyes were still lazy, but her gaze was sharp and focused.

It seemed she was ready to explain things properly now.

“You know that people who awaken abilities have this thing called mana inside their bodies, right?”

“Yes, I learned that here.”

“…Let’s just assume you have an ability, Shinwoo.”

She mumbled, “Nothing surprises me anymore, damn it,” under her breath.

It was nice to see her adapting so well.

“Typically, you can sense this mana within your body from the moment you awaken an ability.”

“Everyone?”

“Of course not everyone. But there’s a point when you can sense it.”

She suddenly picked up her whip and lashed it at the ground.

There was a crudely drawn frowning face on the floor.

“Usually, you can sense the mana when you’re overwhelmed by a strong emotion, like anger.”

“It sounds complicated. How about a 5-minute crash course?”

“Most people feel the same thing when they sense mana for the first time. A foreign object in their heart.”

She placed her hand on her chest.

She then moved her hand to her arm and leg as she continued explaining.

“The basics of physical enhancement are about directing this foreign object and circulating it to the desired body part.”

“Explain it simply.”

“How can I make it any simpler? If you want to enhance your arm, send it to your arm! If you want to enhance your legs, send it to your legs! If you want to enhance your whole body, send it to your whole body!”

She finally snapped and started speaking informally.

Her mental fortitude was still lacking.

[You really didn’t know that? I guess you’re not a brainiac character.]

‘The author who wrote this story is also an idiot, so don’t expect too much from me.’

“That seems simple. Maybe it’s not as hard as people say.”

“If it was that easy, everyone would be using physical enhancement.”

She then explained that physical enhancement wasn’t as simple as it sounded.

If you didn’t properly regulate the amount of mana, it could actually be detrimental in combat against humans.

“Isn’t it better to have some enhancement? A +1 weapon is better than a +0 weapon, right?”

“Do you even remember how many students you’ve beaten up because of their shitty physical enhancement attempts?”

“I don’t even remember how many pieces of bread I’ve eaten, how can I possibly keep track of that?”

“It’s not something you use mindlessly against other people! Think for once, damn it!!!”

I finally remembered what she was talking about.

Students who charged at me with half-assed physical enhancement, losing their balance.

Or those who were helpless when I dodged and countered.

It was clear they hadn’t mastered physical enhancement.

“So, if you’re not confident with physical enhancement, it’s better to focus on your innate ability. Use your strengths.”

“But I have no other option since I don’t have an ability.”

“I didn’t expect you to have no ability at all, but your fighting skills against humans are excellent, so physical enhancement will be very beneficial for you.”

“But you said subpar physical enhancement can backfire. This is contradictory.”

“That’s only true against other humans. It’s different when fighting monsters.”

I didn’t understand.

Perhaps worried about my intelligence, she offered further explanation.

“How did it feel when you fought those monsters earlier?”

“Hmm, it felt like my sword couldn’t pierce their skin properly. My attacks weren’t effective.”

“Your fighting style is purely focused on humans. It’s effective for catching them off guard, but you lack the power to damage monsters without proper weapons.”

“Damn it, so it’s a DPS issue.”

I finally understood.

My fighting style wasn’t effective against monsters with tough exteriors.

I needed a way to boost my damage output.

Since Professor Marina was here, I figured we could find a solution.

“Let’s start with sensing your mana, assuming you’re now an ability user.”

“You said I need to feel a strong emotion, right?”

“Yes, do you want to give it a try?”

“Even if you ask me to, how can I just do it on command?”

“Hmm… then let me help you.”

She cleared her throat.

And then, a roar erupted from her mouth.

“You useless piece of shit! Is your head just a decoration?!”

“You might have caught me off guard if I didn’t hear that every day.”

“…I’ll try a different approach.”

She seemed to be struggling.

Suddenly, the voice in my head chimed in.

[This one will help too! Is this your first relationship? I’m not into inexperienced guys.]

‘Wait a minute…’

That was a deep cut.

[Why are you acting like a child? Get a proper hobby.]

[I’m going out with my friends on Christmas. Stop contacting me.]

[Be grateful that I’m even seeing you.]

[You’re breaking up with me? Seriously?]

[Stop nagging me about having coffee with another guy! It’s pathetic.]

[Why are you getting mad? Who can last longer?]

[Yeah, I’ve been to a nightclub. So what?]

It hurt.

It really hurt.

Professor Marina, not to be outdone, landed a critical hit.

“It’s Friday today, so bring it in by Monday morning.”

“I need this done today. It’s urgent.”

“If you can do it, stop whining. You should have done it like this from the start.”

“Is it really that difficult? What’s a man to do if he can’t even do that?”

“What’s so difficult about it? Five minutes is enough, right? Stop whining.”

“I’m the one who gave you the instructions, so I basically did all the work. I’ll submit the report under my name.”

“I’m leaving now. Finish it and put it on my desk by the end of the day. I’ll check it tomorrow morning.”

This was dangerous.

My heart was starting to waver.

“Wait a minute! This AoE attack is too much!”

But neither the voice in my head nor Professor Marina listened to my protests.

They continued to attack me with their words.

[Why do you drive such a crappy car? It barely runs. I could’ve bought something better with that money.]

“Do you just ask questions without trying to figure things out on your own? Think for once!”

“Shut up for a moment. I’m getting too immersed in this.”

I directed my words to both Marina and the voice in my head.

But of course…

[Is this my fault? Fine. I’ll leave then.]

“Stop doing things recklessly. If you don’t know, try asking for once!”

“Shut up, please.”

Neither of them listened.

If anything, the verbal daggers kept coming even faster.

[If you buy a house, are you going to put my name on the deed?]

“I’ll give you the money later, so please pay for mine. No, I said I’ll give it to you later.”

“Shut up!”

My heart was in turmoil.

It felt like something was about to burst.

One last push.

They delivered the final blows.

[Have I ever helped you with anything? What’s the big deal? Why are you being so sensitive?]

“Seriously, why are you being so petty? That’s why you’re unpopular with women.”

“I said shut the fuck up!!!!”

Suddenly, I felt a surge in my chest, a lump forming near my heart.

It felt familiar yet foreign, a slightly uncomfortable sensation.

It seemed to have a sticky, viscous texture.

This must be mana.

I tried to deny it, hoping it wasn’t blood, sweat, and tears.

If it wasn’t real mana, I’d have to endure even greater pain.

[Congratulations! Your efforts have finally paid off.]

‘Damn it, you guys were ruthless.’

Professor Marina, watching my face intently, asked cautiously,

“Shinwoo, are you feeling anything?”

“Yes… damn it… I can definitely feel it.”

She clapped, congratulating me.

She seemed relieved, as if her previous words had been filled with personal motives.

“Alright, Shinwoo, let’s try enhancing your body.”

“But how do I even move this thing?”

“Imagine pushing a viscous substance from your heart towards your desired body part.”

I tried to push the foreign object in my chest.

But…

“It’s not moving. Is it affected by emotions too?”

It wouldn’t budge.

It felt like a viscous object, but when I tried to move it, it was as solid as a rock.

It was trickier than I expected.

“Of course, it is. But this time, you need to feel a sense of calmness, not a strong emotion.”

“…That’s a cruel thing to say to someone whose heart was just ripped apart.”

“We can’t stop now. You wouldn’t want to waste all that suffering, would you?”

“Damn it.”

I calmed my turbulent emotions.

And then, a sense of serenity washed over me.

I focused on the foreign object in my chest.

I wanted to enhance my left arm.

And then, as if by magic, the viscous substance started moving slowly.

“Oh! It’s moving!”

I couldn’t help but exclaim.

But…

[Wait a minute! Stop! You need to stop right now!]

“Shinwoo! I haven’t activated the training ground system yet! If you move too much mana at once-!”

The voice in my head and Professor Marina sounded urgent.

It seemed like something was wrong.

Then, I felt a tightness in my left shoulder.

It felt like I was trying to force a large object through a small hole.

As if the excess was being compressed and building up pressure.

Then, after a brief moment of tension…

…a sense of liberation washed over me.

BOOM!!!!!!!

“…What the?”

A liberation that came from my shoulder exploding.

My left arm, freed from its constraints, flew through the air like a bird…

…until gravity took over.

Thud.

It landed on the ground.

Silence fell between Professor Marina and me.

“…”

“…”

I finally spoke, trying to understand the situation.

“What… was that?”

“If you move too much mana at once, your joints might explode.”

“…You should’ve mentioned the safety precautions earlier.”

“I didn’t expect you to move it so recklessly.”

As soon as she finished speaking, blood gushed out of my shoulder.

Thankfully, I felt no pain.

I was still in shock, so even the pain was numbed.

Hye-ji ran towards me, followed by Jung Ah-yeon.

“Shinwoo, what happened?!”

“Hye-ji, this is not my fault.”

Professor Marina quickly distanced herself from the situation.

She was a true professor, after all.

Hye-ji looked concerned, but I knew what her initial reaction was when she saw my arm fly off.

“You were thinking, ‘Which lucky bastard got to blow something up?’ when you came running here, weren’t you?”

“…Anyway, why did Kim Shinwoo become Kim Shin/Woo?!”

She couldn’t deny it.

She looked a bit guilty, but at least she was concerned about me, so I explained the situation.

“I tried to enhance my body and failed, so now I’m Shanks, damn it.”

I looked at my missing left shoulder. The bleeding had subsided considerably.

I looked down and saw a pool of blood. There was so much that I wondered if it was lethal.

The voice in my head spoke.

[Are you planning to set sail for the Grand Line?]

‘Hey, aren’t you supposed to be from the past? How do you know One Piece?’

[It’s a famous series. This one remembers the ending, in fact.]

‘I dropped it after the Oden oden soup arc. Don’t spoil it for me.’

Spoiling is unforgivable.

Come to think of it, I still needed to punish that guy who spoiled Endgame using his League of Legends username. What a shame I couldn’t catch him.

Then, Jung Ah-yeon let out a scream,

“Master! Where did your left arm go?!”

My head started spinning, and my legs felt weak.

It was probably the aftereffect of losing so much blood.

I collapsed, muttering weakly,

“…I left it behind in a new era.”

Splash.

My body landed in the pool of blood.

I felt dizzy as the metallic scent of blood filled my nostrils.

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Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous

Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous

Score 9.7
Status: Ongoing Type: Author: Artist: Released: 2021 Native Language: Korean
Hey, all of us who CAN'T regress, how about we hit that like button? I'll go first!

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EpiPen
EpiPen
2 days ago

A go/Jo reference of all thing
This novel truly is peak

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