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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Yuziro
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Bandages, a Necessary Tool
For me, bandages were an essential tool for maintaining mental stability.
Rain’s unwavering gaze was deeply ingrained in my mind.
Whenever I met her eyes, all the negative emotions I had suppressed would resurface.
I had spent more time with Rain than anyone else, and I was also the one who harbored the most intense feelings of inferiority towards her.
I wanted to be the Hero.
I yearned for that title.
I constantly compared myself to Rain, who possessed both the Hero’s power and the power of light, which fueled my envy.
It couldn’t be attributed to the curse’s influence.
Lian had assured us that the demon’s curse had been completely purged from our bodies.
Besides, I had harbored these feelings long before we entered the Demon Realm.
Those feelings intensified after entering the Demon Realm, reaching their peak with Remilion’s curse.
I could feel it clearly.
Remilion’s curse, unlike Moljin’s curse, didn’t leave physical marks.
It was a magic-like concept that activated based on the demon’s energy absorbed by the body.
Naturally, humans lacked the ability to produce demon energy.
So, the absorbed energy circulated within the body until it was depleted, manifesting the effects of the curse.
The effects of the ‘Curse of Envy’ we were afflicted with gradually weakened over time.
Lian, the first to regain her senses, had completely cleansed our bodies of the demon energy, or so she said.
It was a sinister curse that manipulated our emotions, working its way into our subconscious.
Moreover, I already had a predisposition for self-loathing, so it was unclear whether the curse had completely vanished.
Still, I felt calmer than before I underwent the treatment.
To get back to the story, I witnessed the girl next door, my age, become the Hero.
I saw her receive the power of light.
I couldn’t count the number of times she saved me.
I couldn’t count the number of times I felt grateful.
Seeing her embrace and save everyone, including me, made me give up on becoming the Hero.
I realized that I was unworthy, especially compared to her, so noble and pure.
I understood that harboring such feelings was incompatible with me becoming a Hero.
Rain extended her hand to me at the start of our journey, saying she needed me.
I couldn’t be the protagonist of the journey to defeat the Demon King.
So I decided to be her reliable companion.
With that thought in mind, I took her hand.
But even my aspirations of becoming a remarkable supporting character were dashed.
Because companions with talents you desired began to gather around you.
I felt pushed aside, like I didn’t belong anywhere.
I felt worthless.
Yet, I clung to you.
I admit now that it wasn’t out of stubbornness or persistence.
It was just a lingering hope.
I could at least secure a spot beside you.
Thanks to, or perhaps because of that, I was able to witness all of Rain Garden’s actions.
You were too perfect.
But I felt like I could catch up if I just took one more step.
Maybe I felt that way because I had observed you for so long, because I knew the timid village girl you once were.
Your past self, the one who cried easily, the one before you became the Hero, who kept overlapping with your present self.
I thought we could go back to how we were, with me protecting you.
Even though our roles had long since reversed.
It had been over ten years since we met and embarked on our journey.
I had been comparing myself to you, wallowing in self-pity, all by myself.
I even tried to replace you with other companions, comparing myself to them.
Of course, it only led to further despair.
Compared to them, I felt even more pathetic.
Unlike you, who excelled in every aspect, my companions had their strengths and weaknesses.
They lacked your well-roundedness, but they possessed overwhelming talents.
Over time, I realized something painful.
That one step I thought I could take, the one step I believed separated us, was actually a vast chasm, an unbridgeable gap.
Because I had always been by your side, I couldn’t properly grasp the distance between us.
You used holy power.
I couldn’t.
But I could administer first aid.
You used magic.
I couldn’t.
Although I managed to learn some basics.
You wielded swords.
I wasn’t proficient.
Although I surpassed you in scouting.
I fell behind in everything, so I sought other avenues.
I became a substitute for everything.
I earned your and our companions’ recognition, but the self-loathing that had taken root didn’t disappear.
I wanted to achieve something on my own, but lacking fundamental strength, I always relied on others, regardless of whether I initiated the task or not.
Eventually, I even convinced myself that my scouting talent was something you nurtured, which wasn’t entirely wrong, considering it was born out of my inferiority complex.
We achieved our ultimate goal when the Demon King’s body was destroyed.
Evil vanished, and light streamed through the window, illuminating you.
Unlike me, who was hiding in the shadows, gasping for breath after failing to land a single blow, you stood tall and proud.
I had no choice but to acknowledge:
You were the true Hero.
After accepting this truth, I realized that everything I had done was only possible because of you and our companions.
Even without my contributions, you would have succeeded.
You would have succeeded even without me proving my worth.
Maybe you would have achieved it even faster if I hadn’t interfered.
You would have done it without me.
That’s what I thought.
Thirteen years.
The time we spent adventuring together.
If you had done it all alone, without my blunders, wouldn’t that time have been cut in half?
Perhaps I had wasted my time, hindering your progress.
When I reached that conclusion, something within me broke.
When I was with you, I pretended to be okay.
When I pushed myself to my limits, I didn’t have time to think.
But being near you now felt like it was shattering my already fragile psyche.
Even without saying a word, you seemed to be judging me.
The voices in my head, accusing and belittling me, grew louder.
Looking at your clear blue eyes, now reflecting your strong and unwavering spirit, made me feel like I was going insane.
I felt so pathetic in comparison.
I secretly welcomed the disbandment.
I left everyone.
Only after everything was over could I finally let go of my dream of becoming a Hero.
After thirteen years of wasted effort, all I had left was a broken mind, a curse that inflicted constant pain, and a meager amount of magic that was useless.
Your image kept appearing before me.
You, standing tall and proud in the empty Demon King’s castle.
I hated seeing that image, so I scratched at my eyes.
Hard enough to dig into the flesh.
Deep enough to scream in pain.
And for that brief moment, I could forget everything.
I remembered the sensation.
The pain, different from the sickening Moljin’s curse.
The feeling of being able to focus on one thing, escaping from everything that tormented me, using a simple method.
It was hard the first time, but the second time was easier.
The third time was even easier, and from the fourth time onwards, my hand moved without a second thought.
I don’t know how many times I tore at my eyes.
My well-maintained nails couldn’t pierce the skin deep enough, so I broke them.
The pain was unbearable.
But at least I could forget you for a moment, focusing only on the pain.
I regained consciousness when the intense pain made me think, ‘Is my brain on fire?’
I must have been scratching for hours.
My hands were covered in blood, the crimson stains almost permanent.
The dripping blood had seeped into the demon-tainted soil.
It wasn’t so much regaining consciousness as it was regaining some control.
I poured the remaining cheap potion down my throat, trying to stop the bleeding.
The demon energy seemed to seep into the open wounds, stabbing at me from the inside.
I hurriedly left the Demon Realm.
I didn’t care much about my appearance, so I continued to travel with my scarred face.
I had no grand purpose.
I didn’t want to die, and I wanted to forget the self-loathing.
So I kept moving.
Ironically, despite my lack of combat talent, I felt the most at ease when fighting.
As if obsessed with peace and stability, I felt a sense of relief only when monsters died before my eyes.
This compulsion subsided after days of constant fighting.
But even after that, I kept seeking out intense experiences, throwing myself into dangerous situations, trying to find anything that could hold my attention.
I entered a village.
Some parents, seeing my face, shielded their children’s eyes with expressions of disgust.
Others openly scowled or pretended to gag, as if they had witnessed something horrific.
I saw my reflection in the calm surface of a lake.
Even I cringed at the sight of the hideous scars.
And the self-harm hadn’t stopped.
New scars were constantly being etched over the old ones.
I realized.
I covered my eyes to hide the scars.
It was suffocating to block one of my senses, but it calmed my mind.
People’s gazes shifted from disgust to mere curiosity.
Even though I couldn’t see, everything seemed fine.
I finally reunited with Rain, Sola, and Lian when I convinced myself that I was in a better state.
But I soon realized that nothing had changed.
At least Odrox wasn’t here.
If he had been present, I probably wouldn’t have been able to handle the overwhelming attention.
Look at them now.
They’re reacting to my every action, laughing and crying.
As if I’m some exotic animal in a zoo.
I felt something snag on my fingernail.
A piece of torn leather, stuck to my face and hand, stretched like cheese.
“Oh, that startled me.”
I thought it was my skin for a moment.
Come to think of it, Sola had cast a spell on me.
The leather mask sensation wasn’t just my imagination; she had actually covered my face with something resembling leather.
I felt warm liquid trickling down my face.
I must have scratched through the leather.
‘Isn’t that a remarkable ability in its own right?’ I thought.
‘The ability to self-harm even through a barrier… That sounds incredibly pathetic.’
“…Bandages… I need bandages…”
Lian cast a healing spell on me, removing the torn mask, and then wrapped my face in bandages.
Her excessive care was burdensome, but I swallowed my complaints.
Honestly, I was afraid of the consequences if I acted out.
Especially with Rain and Sola, who wouldn’t let me get away with it.
The tightly wrapped bandages brought a sense of calm.
Come to think of it, I was already wearing bandages during our journey together.
“This… This isn’t working…”
“What if we strengthen the magic?”
“Then his nails will break. We’ll be back to square one.”
“Or…”
“Guys.”
I interrupted their hushed discussion, as if they were plotting something.
Their simultaneous head turn sent a shiver down my spine.
“You don’t have to worry about me so much.”
Ignoring the awkward silence, I continued.
Their concern was burdensome, so I decided to change the subject.
And what better time than now to reveal my plan for weeding out the first-year cadets?
“This feels one-sided. I want to do something we can all participate in.”
“But…”
“It doesn’t really bother me. I’ve been living with it for a long time.”
“Even if it doesn’t bother you, it must be annoying, and people’s stares can be hurtful. You’d want to go back to how you were, wouldn’t you?”
I couldn’t answer that.
But I had tried everything I could think of.
I had even acknowledged my problem and sought professional help.
It was all in vain.
After all, how could magic-based treatments possibly work on me?
I experienced temporary relief, but the severe aftereffects made me vow never to try it again.
It seemed like I had expressed my hesitation while explaining this.
Rain, after silencing both Sola and Lian, bowed her head.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you’d dislike it.”
“No, don’t apologize…”
There was no need for apologies.
This was my problem, and they were just trying to help.
An awkward silence filled the room.
We were usually comfortable with each other, even without talking, but the air felt thick and suffocating.
As if trying to break the tension, Lian peeked at me hesitantly before speaking.
“So, what was it you were saying? Something we could all participate in…”
It was the perfect topic change.
I raised my voice slightly, playing along with Lian’s attempt to lighten the mood, and emphasized that I was truly okay and unconcerned before revealing my plan.
“Let’s weed out some of the academy cadets. Some of them seem unfit for the title of ‘Hero.’ especially those who don’t meet Rain’s standards.”
“W-What about me?”
“Lian… Well, you’re not affiliated with the academy, and if you stay away too long, people might start asking questions. So, you should probably go back…”
“N-No, I don’t want to.”
Her immediate refusal caught me off guard.
I knew Lian was fiercely loyal, but I didn’t expect her to reject the idea so quickly.
Despite my slightly slurred speech, her refusal was clear.
Rain and Sola, realizing that there was no point in dwelling on the previous topic, began to move awkwardly.
Sola, the first to act, turned and placed a hand on Lian’s slumped shoulder.
Was she trying to console her comrade?
“You’re the Saintess. The only one on the continent. So, you have no choice. You have to fulfill your duties, don’t you?”
It seemed like I was wrong.
Sola’s words, encouraging her to leave, made Lian’s shoulders slump even further.
“…Prayers are truly meaningless… But I set up my double without permission, so I should probably get back… Ron, this time, please don’t forget. You have to tell me what you’re doing! I’m your comrade, too!”
If she put it that way, shouldn’t we include Odrox as well?
Anyway, I agreed.
After confirming my nod, Lian returned using Sola’s magic.
The sheer convenience of Sola’s teleportation magic was beyond words.
“So? What did you mean by that?”
“Have you heard about the demons?”
“…Yes. I know.”
“Honestly, many of those first-years seem unfit for the title of ‘Hero.’ Some of them seem like they’d cause trouble if we had to face another demon invasion. It looks like they’re just handing out the ‘Hero’ title to anyone who graduates.”
“Well…”
Rain trailed off.
She probably agreed that the system needed to be revamped but hadn’t gotten around to it because of her busy schedule.
Especially after witnessing my predicament, she must have felt even more strongly about it.
The ‘Hero’ she envisioned wouldn’t bully someone weaker than themselves.
“So, let’s work together. When there’s a cooperative activity like labyrinth exploration, pair me up with those kids. I’ll assess whether they’re worthy.”
I was probably the only one who could do this, at least for now.
The thought boosted my dwindling confidence.
“We never know when the demons might attack again. It’s not a bad idea to weed out the unworthy beforehand. What do you think?”
“I’m in. But you have to tell me if you feel like you’re in danger.”
“…I agree with Sola. I don’t want to see you get hurt because you acted alone. But I’m not going to stop you from doing what you want… So, please, promise you’ll contact us if anything happens.”
Their concern warmed my heart.
This was true camaraderie.
There was no need to prolong this.
With Lian’s help, the gloomy atmosphere had dissipated, and I had secured permission from both Rain, the Headmaster, and Sola, the most powerful member of the faculty.
Alright.
This time, I will succeed.
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[I think bro needs to take his meds]
