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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Cyno
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Thud—
Yoo So-eun closed the journal.
Her upper teeth dug deeply into her lower lip, as if drawing blood, betraying the turmoil in her heart.
Holding the neatly wrapped journal to her chest, Yoo So-eun turned on her heel.
Watching her, Hyeolma sharply shouted,
“Selfish wench! Let me see it too!”
“……”
Click, click—
Unfazed, Yoo So-eun continued walking in silence.
As if the journal were as precious as her own child, she clutched it tightly against her chest. Though the uneven curve of her bosom slightly bent the book, she didn’t stop. Even as Hyeolma spewed curses beside her, she paid no mind.
As Yoo So-eun passed by and stepped out of the basement, Hyeolma narrowed her eyes and muttered,
“What the hell… What did that bitch see in that swordsman’s diary?”
Her voice carried anger at being ignored, lingering curiosity about the journal, and an unsettling feeling like an unfinished meal. But above all, it was laced with intrigue—Yoo So-eun’s expression had been the most fascinating.
“What the hell did she read to… look so dead-eyed? And why were her eyes on the verge of tears? It’s not easy for tears to well up in those hollow eyes.”
True to her words, Yoo So-eun’s eyes were lifeless, drained of vitality down to the roots.
Thud—
With that hollow gaze, she closed the basement door and headed to her bedroom.
There, Namgung Sua lay fast asleep, hugging a pillow. After a brief glance at her, Yoo So-eun turned away and staggered precariously toward the table. Her unsteady movements made it seem like she could collapse at any moment.
Plop—
“……”
Her legs gave out, and she slumped into the chair. Immediately, she pulled the journal from her chest and placed it on the table, flipping it open.
The dim light from a small lamp illuminated her and the table.
“Mmm….”
Namgung Sua whimpered in her sleep.
Listening to her daughter’s sleepy murmurs, Yoo So-eun turned another page.
The paper shimmered faintly under the moonlight and lamplight.
Rustle—
—
###
I don’t want to do anything.
I violently, vehemently don’t want to do anything.
Everything is annoying.
Even breathing is annoying.
No, more accurately—it’s tedious.
This is the peace I longed for, the stable life I dreamed of madly, yet living itself has become tedious.
What a tragedy.
Today, I finally understand.
Life is suffering.
And death is a blessing.
I must have kicked away blessings to embrace suffering.
How foolish.
Enough pointless rambling.
Starting today, I’ll probably be a little busier.
I thought all my tasks were done, but it seems the world still needs me.
Not as grueling as during my regression days, though.
Just hunting down the remnants of the Blood Cult hiding like cockroaches—simple work.
Truthfully, some of them are peak masters, even transcendent ones.
But after facing the Heavenly Demon for so long, they’re no different from insects to me.
They crumble with a little force.
Honestly, why did I even carry the Azure Light Sword all this time?
It’s all because of the Heavenly Demon. If not for that absurd monster, my power wouldn’t have overflowed like this.
I also plan to dispose of my assets.
I don’t expect to live much longer anyway.
I’ve long grown weary of fighting, money, and power.
Even before my regressions, I never cared for such things.
All I wanted was to live quietly in some peaceful countryside with my wife and daughter, then follow them in death when their time came. Of course, if they refused, I wouldn’t force them.
Maybe visit my son, who’s now a monk, from time to time.
The reason I’d follow them in death is simple—I don’t seem capable of dying naturally.
Damn it. Targeting that monster, the Heavenly Demon, has turned me into a monster myself.
And yet, I’m still no match for her. What a joke—a man who wasted millennia in futility.
…No, it wasn’t futile. It took millennia to melt that monster’s heart.
Most importantly…
“Darling? I made your favorite braised chicken legs for dinner. You’ll come in soon, right?”
The above words were what my wife said this morning.
And that’s not all.
“Darling, Sua’s been so focused on training lately that she’s drifting apart from her friends. Is there anything we can do to help?”
“Darling, gifts keep arriving from other sects and merchant groups. Don’t forget to be selective, alright?”
“Darling, could you… check Sua’s martial arts later? Her rapid progress lately worries me…”
“D-Darling… Darling?”
“Ah, it’s nothing… I just… I love you. I wanted to say that…”
My wife has been talking to me a lot more lately.
It’s as if she’s trying to break through the awkwardness between us.
After all this time, our once-distant relationship can finally be mended. How could that be worthless?
Now, I’ll finally approach her.
At first, it won’t be easy. After living a life of avoidance for so long, my body instinctively recoils even if my mind doesn’t.
But it’s fine. I’ve run for millennia for days like these—what’s a little more effort to bridge the gap?
Like a butterfly waiting for the morning dew.
Like a rooster waiting for the break of dawn.
I’ll wait for that day.
With nothing but joy in my heart.
—
###
“Th-These words…!”
A pained groan escaped Yoo So-eun’s parted lips, bitten so hard they stung.
“H-He… recorded all of this…?”
Flip! Flip! Flip!
With frantic hands, she rapidly turned the pages—not to read, but to skim.
And what she discovered made her slam her forehead against the table.
“How…?”
Her hunched back trembled faintly.
“How could he… have recorded every single thing…?”
Yoo So-eun remembered every moment of conversation she’d shared with Namgung Cheol-bin, no matter how brief.
That’s why her heart grew heavier.
The journal she’d skimmed contained… every single word they’d ever exchanged.
Meaning he had paid attention.
No matter how cold he seemed outwardly, he had been listening.
“You… foolish man…!”
Despair washed over Yoo So-eun’s face. Her fingers trembled as she carefully turned back to where she’d left off.
Somehow, she already knew what came next.
“Ugh.”
Despite enduring countless hardships, her poor husband had never found peace.
A man who, through unimaginable eons, never lost his love—who dreamed of their romance as purely as in their youth.
How could such a man become a notorious criminal?
“What… is the truth…?”
To uncover it.
And to see the world through Namgung Cheol-bin’s eyes.
Clutching her chest, where her heart ached as if squeezed, she read on.
Tears, thick as chicken droppings, fell onto the brittle pages, soaking them like scattered rain on parched earth.
Yoo So-eun continued reading the journal.
—
###
I had no choice but to leave the family estate to sweep up the remnants of the Blood Cult.
Of course, the Central Plains knows nothing. I made sure of it.
No need to trouble people enjoying their hard-won peace over something so trivial.
Clearing out a few stragglers isn’t particularly difficult anyway.
I’m the only one who needs to put in the effort.
I’ve also disposed of most of my personal assets.
Not by investing in merchant groups—I donated everything to orphanages and victims of the Great Blood War.
All anonymously. The funds I recovered from the Blood Cult during my time as the Sword Saint were substantial, so I spread the donations over multiple transactions to avoid suspicion.
I don’t need fame.
What I want is a quiet, peaceful life free of annoyances—not being dragged around everywhere.
If I’d wanted that, I wouldn’t have refused the offer to lead the Martial Alliance.
Now, I just want to rest. Reconstruction after the long war, aiding sects—let them handle it themselves.
The Martial Alliance won’t collapse without me. And the Blood Cult, now fully retreated to Mount Qilian in Gansu, is no longer a concern.
I even made a pact with the Heavenly Demon—she won’t invade again.
If possible, I’d like to regress one more time to save those I couldn’t in this cycle… but the Heavenly Demon forbade further regressions, so that’s unlikely.
Still, it’s fine.
Compared to the lives where everyone died and the world ended, this cycle… is truly the best.
This is the world I wanted to die in.
A world where I don’t have to commit brutal acts anymore.
I’ve handed most of my authority and positions to Namgung Bin.
I never wanted the heavy responsibility of leading the Namgung family anyway.
Namgung Bin is clever. He’ll handle things far better than I ever could.
Though his nature isn’t exactly upright—he occasionally deviates in ways he thinks I won’t notice—he’s one of the few who never betrayed me across ten thousand regressions.
Of course, transferring the family leadership immediately is impossible. There are procedures and traditions.
But within three years, it’ll be done. Until then, I’ll minimize my influence in the martial world.
…
In the end, I donated all my wealth and relinquished my power to Namgung Bin.
But a problem arose.
Two, actually. The first isn’t major—just trivial.
Rumors about me have begun spreading across the martial world.
That I’m a hypocrite, or worse.
Likely because I’ve been inactive for so long… but honestly, I don’t care.
False rumors always follow public figures. Even the Divine Monk has some calling him a vicious fraud.
Though only a handful believe it.
Regardless, the bigger issue is this:
Approaching my wife is harder than I thought.
After building walls for so long… my heart refuses to move easily.
She seems the same. Her words have dwindled, her expression darker, as if avoiding me.
…Now that I think about it, it might be because of the rumors spreading across the Central Plains.
What were they again? That I’m a domestic tyrant? A demon?
I should investigate. Who started these rumors? How did they spread so fast?
I dismissed it as mere slander, but if it’s affecting my family… that’s unacceptable.
My family—my home—is the one thing I’ve protected.
—
###
“Ah… Aah…!”
Yoo So-eun’s beautiful face twisted in despair.
Tears streamed down, soaking the journal.
Plip. Plip—
Yet her weeping didn’t stop.
“S-So… it was all lies…?”
An uncomfortable truth—one she needed to face.
“Even the so-called evidence…?”
The truth was slowly revealing itself.
Blood trickled down Yoo So-eun’s thigh—her nails had dug into her own flesh.
But she didn’t feel the pain, lost in her daze.
“Ah… Aaah….”
The worst part?
There were still a few pages left.
“When I… when I met him….”
Before turning the final pages, she revisited her memories.
Painful, but necessary.
“Just… love me, won’t you?”
Words spat at the man she loved with all her heart.
“If you won’t take responsibility, I will. Just like Sua.”
Words hurled at a man who had carried the world on his shoulders.
“I’ll forget… I’ll forget everything you’ve done… as if it never happened…”
Words that pinned crimes on him—crimes he never committed—while playing the victim.
Words, words, words.
That damned mouth of hers.
“Hk…!”
With that same mouth, Yoo So-eun let out a wretched sob of regret.
To uncover the final entries—Namgung Cheol-bin’s state of mind before leaving the Namgung family—she turned the last pages.
Slowly. Painfully.
Whether from her tears or the original writing, the words grew increasingly illegible, as if mocking her anguish.
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