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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: FusionX
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The sensation the Crown of Memories conveyed to Adriana was somewhat different.
Unlike Robert, who could see with his eyes, when examining memories before, her sight had briefly returned, but this time, it was just divine power entering her mind and showing visions.
As Robert caught Adriana’s swaying body, she squeezed her eyes shut and exhaled softly.
It was a different sensation from peeking at someone else’s memories.
It felt as if the memories were seeping in and enveloping her body.
It was a floating feeling, as if she had just recalled something she had forgotten before.
Adriana, who knew about Robert’s regression, realized that these memories were part of the “forgotten memories” that the Crown of Memories was trying to show.
“My head… hurts. Is it okay if I lean on you for a moment?”
“It’s fine. If we’re seeing the same thing, you can keep doing that.”
Robert’s expression was complex as he looked at the scene before him.
He thought he would face it someday, but it had come sooner than expected.
He wondered what Adriana would think about these memories.
He really hadn’t thought that the Crown of Memories, which revived forgotten memories, would show something like this.
He felt afraid.
Maybe that was why his hands were trembling.
As he rubbed his face, which had become paler than usual, Robert sighed and grabbed Adriana’s hand.
Adriana turned her head at the feeling of his hand grabbing hers.
Though he wasn’t speaking, it felt as if Robert was telling her not to let go.
The emotions rising in her heart were fear, confusion, sadness, and loneliness.
Robert didn’t know that she had seen the memories.
Was he afraid that if she knew about these memories, her attitude towards him would change?
The memories that had settled in her mind were ones Adriana already knew.
They were memories of countless repeated deaths, and memories she had already grieved over, having directly seen Robert die before.
Hadn’t she already made a resolution?
That if Robert ever fell into loneliness again, that would be the time for her to hold onto him.
As Adriana gently wrapped her hand around his, Robert’s expression became slightly more relaxed.
The scenery before their eyes kept changing.
Although it didn’t show all of his memories in their entirety, it was showing his actions without any filter.
It felt like he was being punished.
The past he wanted to hide, the past he didn’t want to repeat.
The more he saw these memories he thought he had forgotten and overcome repeating before his eyes, the more his already complicated feelings felt like they were being sucked into a quagmire.
“Ugh…!”
When he saw himself facing his third death, Robert unconsciously gripped Adriana’s hand tightly.
He didn’t have the presence of mind to care that Adriana was in pain.
He just wanted to avoid what he was seeing somehow, but he knew he couldn’t escape.
Even when he closed his eyes, the memories piercing through his eyelids were constantly tormenting Robert.
When he died with his throat cut, Robert touched his neck and smiled slightly.
When his heart was pierced, Robert sighed and let go of Adriana’s hand.
While muttering apologies, his expression remained pale.
As the woman beside him remained silent for longer, his mind grew hazy, and eventually he slumped down, leaning against the wall.
Caw-
He saw himself in a memory where he was on a field where crows were cawing.
He was smiling like that, looking at the spear that had pierced his body.
When was it?
Probably when he was fleeing from the pursuit of the imperial army.
When he was still far from being called a sword saint, still suffering from madness.
It was evident that Adriana was seeing these memories.
Robert grinned as he saw her face gradually turning pale.
In reality, that complexion was due to worry for Robert, but he had no way of knowing that.
His voice that leaked out was subdued.
As if resigned, he quietly moved his lips while watching the continuing deaths.
“I think you’re probably seeing it.”
The past he didn’t want to tell anyone about.
The past he didn’t want to talk about, that he wished no one would remember.
There were too many lives where he had died pathetically because he was ugly and weak.
The sight of himself unable to protect even one precious person was too unsightly, so Robert didn’t want to reveal his past to others like this.
“My deaths.”
Adriana didn’t say anything.
Although he had let go of her hand, she could clearly feel Robert beside her.
She could tell just from his voice.
That his always precarious mind was on the verge of collapsing.
That how Robert would act would be determined by her reaction.
Even though she wanted to say something, her mouth wouldn’t open.
Even though these were memories she had already seen, it was because she couldn’t even imagine how Robert had lived with this heart.
Despite dying countless times, he still sought the same people, and despite such despair, he moved forward towards his goal.
It wasn’t a goal of killing someone.
He had simply moved forward with the one wish that people would believe in him.
When seeing his memories before, she had just been sad about his deaths, but now his memories were entering her.
The emotions Robert himself had harbored, the memories he had recalled while dying, were entering her.
“Robert…”
Adriana’s voice calling his name was choked.
It was a voice that seemed like it might burst into tears at any moment.
100 deaths, and now his 101st life.
It was impossible to fully understand and accept all those emotions, but still, one thing was clear.
Not once had he blamed anyone else.
The heart of the person who had shouldered all the guilt himself while dying 100 times… what state must it be in now?
Unable to even imagine, Adriana tightly closed her lips that had been quivering.
If she uttered any words, it felt like her suppressed emotions would burst out.
She shouldn’t cry.
She was supposed to be the one holding him, so how could she be swayed by such emotions?
Saint.
She thought that name didn’t suit her.
She felt too young and immature to shoulder such a heavy mission.
She didn’t have such a benevolent heart to be called a saint, and she knew she harbored her own desires to be called good.
She just thought she had received one role from God.
That if she could embrace even one person, she would do so.
No matter how lacking she was, if she could save even one person, she considered that her mission.
Adriana thought that moment was now.
In this space where only the two of them remained, wasn’t she the only one who could reach out to the remaining person?
Her feet, which had been frozen like a statue, began to move like that.
She was the only one who could understand Robert’s feelings.
Adriana slowly took steps towards Robert.
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Though it was just a moment of silence, Robert felt it was truly long.
Since he had died 100 times, it inevitably took a long time to see all of it.
He wondered how Adriana would react when she faced all of this.
Sometimes she might consider him a murderer for having killed people.
She might see him as a cruel person who had extended his claws to others while trying to escape his own fate, or perhaps she might think he was a coward.
Would she feel pity?
Would she think his goal was futile and tell him to look for a different path now?
It was a negative thought, but that had been the life he had experienced.
A life where he wasn’t trusted, where even those who had trusted him turned their backs on him.
Maybe it was so frightening because it was the first time.
The memories Adele had recovered weren’t all of his memories, were they?
If she saw all of this, he didn’t know what emotions even Adele would harbor towards him.
He clutched his chest at the sensation of suffocation that overwhelmed him.
His complexion was pale as he painfully exhaled breath after breath.
“Robert.”
Even though he heard her voice, he didn’t answer.
He was afraid to respond.
He didn’t need sympathy or pity.
He didn’t want reproach for his actions either.
He didn’t want them to be sad about his deaths, just.
Just.
It would be good if they didn’t say anything.
Despite his turbulent emotions, his expression remained impassive.
His eyes, staring at some unknown void, were empty.
Unlike recently when he had occasionally shown his emotions.
Like a doll, they were eyes that didn’t contain any emotion at all.
“Robert.”
Adriana’s lips moved.
Unlike his impassive expression, his inner self was shaking more than anything.
It wouldn’t be strange if he crumbled and collapsed at any moment.
Did he wish for no one to know about these memories?
Although guilt welled up, Adriana deliberately ignored it and slowly reached out her hand.
Even though it was pitch dark, she could still hear his faint breathing.
Finally, she felt Robert’s body heat from the hand that touched him.
As their bodies made contact, their inner anxiety became even more certain.
After pondering several times what to say, finally, a voice slowly leaked from her quivering lips.
“I knew. Even before seeing these memories, I knew about the deaths you experienced.”
Robert silently looked at Adriana.
He couldn’t quite grasp what the woman who had approached him was saying.
That she had known about his deaths before seeing these memories, but before he could understand that, Adriana’s mouth opened first.
“…Just, I have so much I want to say. Really so much, but I don’t know what to say.”
She wanted to tell him not to be sad.
She wanted to say that Miragen’s death wasn’t Robert’s fault.
She wanted to tell him that she had grieved with him when he chose death alone, and that she had been angry when he died painfully, and about always blaming everything on himself, she wanted to tell him he was wrong, but she knew those weren’t the words Robert needed.
He didn’t want comfort.
For the only one who fully knew Robert’s memories to utter, it was too ordinary.
Robert’s gaze turned to Adriana.
He couldn’t understand why she was crying.
Surely she was speaking after seeing his memories, but he couldn’t understand why she was sad.
If it had been Miragen or Adele, he could have understood.
But hadn’t he first become friends with Adriana in this life?
He had almost no contact with Adriana in his previous lives.
They might have exchanged greetings, but this was the first life where they had called each other by name and spent time together.
So why… was she crying like this?
It was an unfamiliar emotion for Robert.
Rather than crying, he thought she would be puzzled, or perhaps even pity him.
Plop.
He felt a clear warmth from the hand that touched his cheek.
There was a hand gently wiping his wet eyes and softly embracing his body.
Just like that day at the Moon Tower when the wind was particularly cold, Robert just blankly stared at Adriana embracing him.
“I don’t understand… why you’re crying. There’s no reason for you to be this sad.”
“Because I only know now, I’m sorry for that.”
She reached out her hand, and then embraced Robert.
It was a different feeling from the day she first glimpsed his memories.
Back then, she experienced sadness from seeing his deaths.
She had been sad because she learned about his deaths which no one knew about, empathizing with that pain, but this time, it was an emotion felt from knowing his sorrow.
“I’m here.”
She wanted to tell him that his loneliness, his sadness, his regrets, were no longer his alone.
She had resolved not to cry, but tears flowed unconsciously as she read his shaking inner self.
“So don’t be sad alone. It’s not your fault, it’s not a sin for you to blame yourself.”
She hesitated, then moved her lips again.
“Just for a moment, can I hold you?”
Robert’s eyes looked somewhat hazy.
He couldn’t understand what emotions he felt at the words of the woman embracing him.
But wasn’t it warm?
The negative emotions he had harbored until just now dissipated a little.
He entrusted his body to that soft touch.
The woman with whom he had first formed a bond, for the first time understood his emotions.
Though it was still just a guess, Robert was certain that Adriana had seen all of his memories.
If she said this even after that.
If this was sincere.
What words should he say to this woman?
In that space where the thirty-fifth memory was flowing, Robert quietly embraced Adriana.
For a long time, until their body heat was completely transmitted to each other.
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[Damn dude the feels be good i like this arc]
