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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: FusionX
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It was a situation that would be easily misinterpreted, but I had to remain composed.
The reason for Adele’s behavior was simple. She was tipsy, and she had a lot to say to me.
She had been suppressing her feelings, and now they were finally bursting forth. I smiled awkwardly, looking at her slender hand resting on my chest.
What did I think of Adele? It was a tricky question to answer.
Our feelings for each other were precariously balanced. My answer could change everything.
I didn’t need to contemplate for long.
I had already anticipated this situation, so I didn’t hesitate.
“What do you want me to say?”
“…That wasn’t what I wanted to hear.”
Adele’s eyes clouded for a moment, then her hair, which had been tied back, came loose, cascading down around my face.
Our eyes met through the curtain of her hair.
We stared at each other in silence for a moment, then Adele smiled wryly and pulled away.
She seemed to have realized I wasn’t going to answer immediately.
But her determination to hear my answer tonight hadn’t wavered. She pressed her finger against my lips and continued.
“Don’t you already know? How you felt about me, how I felt about you.”
“Those were feelings from the past, weren’t they?”
Past feelings were just that, past feelings.
They could influence our current emotions, but they weren’t the same.
Neither Adele nor I were particularly attached to the past, so I knew she was just making excuses.
She was upset that I hadn’t contacted her. She was disappointed that I didn’t ask how she was doing, even though it had been a while since our last meeting.
What did this woman, who was trying to redefine our relationship, truly desire?
It wasn’t a confession.
I had a feeling it was something simple.
I looked at her, her face even redder than before, and her eyes flickered when they met mine.
“Do you want me to say that I like you?”
“…No.”
“Then do you want me to whisper that I love you?”
“That’s not-”
I wasn’t the one lying down anymore.
I pushed Adele’s shoulder, laying her down on the bed and looking down at her.
I calmed my ragged breathing and frowned slightly.
“Then please tell me what you want. What should I say to satisfy you, Adele?”
I wanted her to calm down a little.
She might regret her words later if she said them while drunk.
She might be slightly tipsy, but we might not even be able to face each other tomorrow.
I could hold her hand. We weren’t so distant that I couldn’t do something like that.
Her roundabout words meant she was hesitant.
She was stalling, saying anything but what she truly wanted to say.
I held Adele’s hand as she tried to get up, and she frowned, looking at my face as it drew closer.
“…You’re being disrespectful. I’m the Grand Duchess. Someone might think you outrank me.”
“Do you still consider yourself the Grand Duchess here? You’re acting like you don’t know who’s in charge.”
“Ha. Have you lost your fear now that you’re Duke?”
She said it angrily, but there was a faint smile playing on her lips.
She didn’t resist.
Her body was almost limp, as if she had been waiting for this. She called me disrespectful but did nothing. What did that mean?
I knew the answer all too well, and it was me who was hesitating.
“I haven’t lost it. I’ve never been afraid of what you do.”
I hadn’t been afraid, even when a sword was at my throat.
Wasn’t that why she was interested in me?
Adele seemed to recall that memory as well. She smiled wryly, looking at me.
It had been almost a year since we first met. It was summer then, but now it was spring.
How much had our relationship changed during that time?
It was simple to answer.
A lot.
It had changed for the better.
Adele fidgeted with her hands. She seemed to want to get up.
Perhaps she realized how embarrassing her actions were, as her ears turned red. She pushed against my chest.
“…Get off me. I’m getting up.”
“Do you understand now? How I felt just now?”
“Well, I only feel regret.”
Adele chuckled softly and stroked my cheek.
“A man who doesn’t do anything when he has a woman beneath him? How disappointing.”
I chuckled softly at her playful response.
She seemed confident that nothing would happen.
But I had no intention of doing anything either. I simply got up carefully without a word.
Adele also got up, watching me intently.
She looked at me for a moment, then took a swig from the remaining bottle and sighed.
“Well, it’s a little embarrassing.”
“Just a little?”
“We’ll be doing more embarrassing things later, so there’s no need to be so shy.”
I smiled awkwardly at her words, and Adele chuckled, finding my reaction amusing.
She closed her eyes, placing the empty bottle on the table. When she opened her eyes again, she looked at me and spoke.
“I’ve decided to live honestly. I realized I might miss out on the most important things if I’m always considering and worrying about other things.”
“What made you think that?”
“Seeing you with the Saint.”
Perhaps those blunt words were her way of proving her point about living honestly. I should stop being flustered by her unexpected remarks.
I had a feeling I understood why she said those things.
She was done being passive. She wasn’t going to be the Adele I remembered from the past.
She was going to be more assertive… and more direct.
Adele continued speaking, her pace quickening as if she was dissatisfied with my silence.
“Thinking about it, I was the first to meet you in this life.”
“That’s true.”
“If my memory is correct, you met the Princess last.”
I nodded, and Adele narrowed her eyes, staring at me.
She seemed to have a lot to say.
Her lips twitched several times before she finally spoke, her thoughts seemingly organized.
“But I always feel like I’m a step behind.”
A fleeting loneliness crossed her sky-blue eyes.
The north wind symbolized solitude.
People often said they felt lonely when the north wind blew, so they didn’t like winter.
But this place was winter even in spring and summer. What was it like for Adele, who lived in eternal winter?
A bitter smile touched Adele’s lips.
Her gaze held a mixture of emotions, more intense than in the past.
Love, loneliness, solitude.
“That’s why I asked. What you think of me.”
My feelings for Adele remained unchanged. I didn’t dislike her. I even had affection for her.
But I didn’t want to go further.
If we became involved before everything was over, we would return to square one if I failed.
Someone would be heartbroken, even if this was my last life.
That was why I was holding onto this precarious line.
Some might call me cowardly, but I had no intention of changing my approach.
I would act this way until I was certain I could kill the Crown Prince.
It wasn’t that I wanted to avoid her question. I knew I could resolve this frustrating situation with a single word.
If I wanted to, I could win her heart in a day and return to my previous relationship with Miragen.
The reason I wasn’t doing so was simply because I was afraid. I was still hesitant.
Adele seemed to understand, but she was also frustrated.
The distance between us had narrowed. Adele’s face was even redder than before, and her shallow breaths tickled my skin.
Her hand touched my leg, our faces drawing closer.
Adele continued.
“You won’t answer my question, will you? Not until you achieve your goal.”
“…That’s right.”
“You… You have a talent for frustrating people.”
Adele gripped my shoulder and lowered her head.
She sighed again, then looked up, meeting my gaze.
She seemed angry, or perhaps simply drunk.
But one thing was certain, she wasn’t teasing me.
When her unwavering blue eyes met mine,
Adele spoke.
“It would be nice if you just stayed still, but you’re always moving, trying to go to someone else. You never contact me when you go to them. Sometimes I feel like you’re going to disappear, and sometimes I feel like you’re wandering around, searching for a place to die.”
“…”
“You never say anything to me. I never allowed it. I never wanted it.”
I was about to apologize, but the distance between us narrowed further, silencing me.
I could feel her warm breath on my skin, the soft touch of her hands on my cheeks.
“I’m jealous, Robert.”
“You said that before.”
“I was the first to meet you, the first to be interested in you, and probably the first to hold your hand… in this life.”
Adele chuckled, as if finding her own words amusing, and looked at me.
The distance between us closed again.
This time, it happened so quickly that I flinched at the strange sensation against my forehead.
Something soft and warm touched my skin before disappearing.
It wasn’t a hand. I stared at Adele in confusion, and she chuckled softly, answering my unspoken question.
“I’ve decided to have you. So be careful from now on.”
Don’t cross the line.
Her smile was so alluring that I couldn’t utter a word.
Perhaps… for a very long time.
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