—————————————————————–
Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Simzy
—————————————————————–
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
I didn’t really have anything to say to that.
Because it was true that I had taken Cassandra’s side until now.
“Cassandra? You call her Cassandra? I think I know why that woman can’t gain the trust of others, why everyone says ‘no one listens to Cassandra’ and whatnot.
The way she talks and acts, wouldn’t it be strange to trust her? What in the world do you see in that woman to trust her so much?”
Because her knowledge pouch is big… rather, because what Cassandra says ultimately all comes true in the future.
And because I know that’s how it will be. But, would Camilla be able to accept these words?
“Because she’s serious about the cure.”
“…Right.”
Camilla gripped her wine glass. I gently placed my fingers on her wrist, but Camilla brushed my hand away again. Gulp, gulp. At a noticeably slower pace than before. She emptied the glass.
“Stop drinking.”
“Give it to me.”
“I said stop drinking.”
“Hey.”
Camilla cried. To the point where her face was contorting.
“…You’re drinking with me right now. Aren’t you?”
“I am.”
“Then, can’t you just take my side, just for now? Is that so hard?”
Instead of an answer, I gulped down the glass in front of me. I held out the empty glass to Camilla.
“Fill it up. Then fill yours.”
Seeing her hand tremble slightly as she filled the glass, she was definitely drunk. I was glad the wine bottle was empty. We lightly clinked our glasses and tilted them back.
“…Johan. Other than the cure… you really don’t care about anything else, do you?”
“That’s not true.”
“Just say you do. Then, I think I’ll feel a little less miserable.”
“Miserable? Why do you keep talking like that?”
Camilla now swept her hair up as if looking at the world’s biggest fool.
“Are you an idiot, really? You don’t know why I’m like this?”
She’s using her ultimate move here?
“On the sofa with Cassandra earlier…”
“…Hoo.”
I think I’m wrong. What should I do? It seems I really picked the wrong day today.
No. Camilla was not the type of woman to pick a fight and make someone’s life miserable for no reason.
She was a woman who was direct, if it wasn’t, it wasn’t, if it was, it was.
So this time, there must be something I was missing. But what was it? What could it be?
“…Is it because of the pheromone story? Because you don’t want me to become a zombie?”
“Similar.”
There was still a chance. Then a little more from here. The story about zombies and virus enhancement was more or less wrapped up earlier, so that probably wasn’t the real issue.
Side. Taking a side.
What was there for Camilla and Cassandra to fight about, taking sides?
No matter how much their opinions differed, was there ever a reason to get this angry?
I couldn’t tell if it wasn’t in my memory, or if I had dismissed it because it didn’t seem that important.
No. Wait a minute.
“But Camilla. Can I ask you one thing?”
“What is it?”
“Weren’t you curious about that pheromone earlier too? Whether what comes out of me also comes out of you, and if it does, what its effect would be. You were definitely curious.”
For some reason, this felt right. As if a ray of light was shining down from the sky, making the spot where a treasure chest was buried sparkle.
The only difference here was that a drunk and very angry woman was glaring at me.
“…Why do you think I asked that?”
If I said ‘because you were curious,’ I think I would be hit. I had that much sense.
Cassandra had talked about ‘amplification.’ She said it couldn’t create something that wasn’t there, though it could ‘strengthen’ an existing emotion, and that my ability, so to speak, wasn’t that strong to begin with.
I also remembered that Camilla had a complicated expression when she heard that.
‘Then, I think I’ll feel a little less miserable.’
What was the reason Camilla had thought she was miserable?
I didn’t know. The puzzle pieces were all in front of me, but I couldn’t put them together. Since I had no idea what the original picture was, I had no idea what I was supposed to be matching.
Miserable.
The last time Camilla had used such a strong expression was when she found out that the central district of Elza had deceived her.
It was similar to when she said she regretted it, as if all the choices she had made had turned out to be wrong decisions.
An unwanted choice. A choice made reluctantly. An unsatisfactory result…
‘Can’t you take my side?’
‘To like someone for no reason.’
‘Does it come out of me too?’
‘…Can’t we not do that?’
Perhaps.
Perhaps…
“Because of that… substance from my body. That’s why…”
Camilla looked at me. I finished it roughly.
“That’s why you… me…”
Camilla slowly, very slowly. Nodded her head.
“If I liked you because of that, if it wasn’t my own pure feelings but some… chemical reaction. I… don’t think I could have stood it.”
It was heavy. The weight of the suddenly consumed alcohol, the time I had spent with Camilla until now, settled down quite heavily.
But, on the other hand, it was also comfortable. Like the weight of a thick blanket when you lie down on a cold day. Even the light of the LED lamp seemed as peaceful as a candle.
“If it was because of the pheromones, I really couldn’t have stood it. Because it wouldn’t have been by my own will. But no matter how much I thought about it, it didn’t seem like that was it. The timing was a bit off too.
But, thinking like that… made me feel very wronged and it was hard. I like you a lot. If it’s something you like, I want to do anything and everything for you. I want to match you.
Even now, when I hate you, it’s still the same. I really hate you… but, you… it just feels like you’re not interested in me.
So it’s a thought I really shouldn’t have, but what if… I also had such pheromones.
Since it doesn’t seem like you hate me that much either. I thought maybe I’d be given a chance. Isn’t that gloomy?”
“Camilla.”
“Ah, I’m the worst.”
Camilla covered her face with her palms.
“Camilla, that’s not it.”
I grabbed Camilla’s arm, but she struggled.
“Let go.”
The wine glass clinked and fell over. Thankfully, it didn’t break. I took the bottle and the glass out of the tent.
Ziiip.
Camilla zipped the tent about halfway shut. I could have opened it if I tried, but it seemed she didn’t want me to. On top of that, she turned off the light.
“…I’m sorry. Johan. I’m going to sleep. Just forget it. I think I drank too much.”
“That’s not it. I…”
“I know. I know everything. That you… have things to do.”
Camilla cut me off and listened.
“It’s because of me.”
“I said I know.”
A choked voice. I ended up sitting with my back to the tent.
Whether it was because my head was spinning, or because my heart was recklessly unraveling. Words that I thought I would never say in my life flowed from my mouth.
“When I was young, my parents fought quite often.”
It really felt like I had gone back to that time. I would draw the curtains on the window and fall into a deep sleep, only to be woken up by the sound of my parents fighting.
What I saw then was a darkness as deep as the corner of this room. A faint light seeped through the crack in the door, and the shadows at the edge of the light had looked even darker.
With the thought that I had to stop my parents, or rather, with the fear of what would happen if they really separated, I had tried to get up and grab the doorknob.
Then I sat back down. Because of a childish, scary, and absurd thought. The thought that I was a shadow right now, what if I got cut by that light…
Perhaps that was another expression of the fear of what I would do if, even after opening the door and going out, I couldn’t stop my parents.
“At least in front of me, my parents were really good people. They thought deeply of me and cherished me.
But when I went to sleep or was at school, when they were not parents but a couple… it seems it was never good.
Most of it was about money, but I think there was something deeper than that.”
“……”
“There were days when they were particularly good to me. Those days, without fail, seemed to be the days they had a big fight.
At those times, I had various thoughts. While being grateful to my parents, because I knew why I was receiving this… I couldn’t just be happy.”
It would be nice to bring more alcohol. Then I think I could fall asleep completely. Then, I think I could also shut my mouth that was running on its own. But there was no alcohol.
“In the end, they reconciled. After money came into the house… it seemed to not matter anymore. It was lucky. Even something similar to laughter lingered in the house.
They would exchange jokes with each other. But sometimes, thorny implications would also be exchanged. Even then, it seemed to have no effect, as if calluses had formed on each other.
If it’s good, it’s all good. I do think that way. But sometimes… when I see people who look happy. I have that thought. That maybe that too is some kind of act.”
It felt like the ground was pulling me. My head was heavy. I didn’t even know if I was speaking properly.
It felt like… I was pouring everything out. As if I were vomiting up the heavy things that had just stayed inside my body, undigested.
I didn’t want to be disgraced.
“If it’s just a relationship of interests, it’s comfortable. If it’s clear what each other will get, and the lines are clear, there’s no problem. It’s the same as a transaction. There’s no need to use your heart, and no unnecessary emotions get involved.
But other relationships… I don’t know. Can I form such a relationship? Can I become… that kind of close with someone.”
I heard the sound of a zipper opening. But I couldn’t turn around. Because Camilla was hugging me quietly from behind.
“Then, what about me?”
“I trust you. I told you before. It’s not a lie. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have formed a relationship like this with anyone else. Even earlier… I trusted you and left my back to you.”
“I know that.”
Camilla stroked my head. The action I often did for her whenever she was anxious. Now she was returning it to me.
“Are you scared, Johan? Of becoming… that kind of deep with someone?”
“…I don’t know. Like you. The fact that you can get deep with someone else, just by trusting the feeling of liking them. That there’s no… all sorts of calculating, no relationship of interests, and yet….”
My throat felt tight. I could barely finish my sentence after clearing my throat.
“That you can be intertwined, and become deep with each other. There must be people like that. There must be love like that. But, I don’t think that will be my story.”
Camilla moved away from me. The cold wind was chilly. Click. I heard the sound of the LED light turning on. It had changed to a more subtle light, closer to a mood lamp.
“Camilla?”
Instead of an answer, Camilla showed a subtle expression that I couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying.
“Is that all?
“Uh…huh?”
“You said it. That there would be people like that. That there would be people who get intertwined just by their feelings. But that you didn’t think it would be your story. Really, is that all?”
Camilla fidgeted with her lips with her finger.
“Really, even if an opportunity like that came right in front of your eyes. You wouldn’t take it? You, you know. What your heart is saying. You read other people’s minds, even the thoughts of zombies, so well. Why, then, your own heart… why don’t you fully comfort it?”
She drew a wet finger, glistening with saliva, down between her cleavage.
“Really, is that all?”
My head bowed on its own.
“I’m sorry. I’m scared.”
“What are you so scared of?”
“Showing my heart completely. That, to someone… could hurt them.”
Silence.
I lifted my head at a rustling sound.
Camilla had taken off her T-shirt. She was wearing pretty… and sexy underwear. Lingerie with lace, with a plunging neckline. The lingerie she had bought a long time ago in different colors.
“…I was expecting a slightly better answer than that.”
“…Uh, huh?”
“If only I hadn’t known about you.”
Camilla hung her head low and laughed. A hand that flicked her bra strap reached her dolphin shorts, following her well-defined abs. She folded the waistband once.
An unwrapped condom was tucked there.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
