—————————————————————–
Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Simzy
—————————————————————–
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
When I said I dropped out of middle school…
“…….”
The table fell silent.
An awkward silence.
In that short moment, my mind raced.
But instead of offering solutions, my brain only produced a multitude of worries about what would happen next.
‘Sung-joo hyung saw the cover sheet too. What should I do?’
Would he think I’m a delinquent? I thought I was finally making friends, but what if they distanced themselves from me, thinking I was some kind of problem child?
I dropped out of middle school, not even high school.
In Korea, dropping out of middle school, which is compulsory education, is far from normal. Without a valid reason, it was bound to create a negative impression.
I needed to make some kind of excuse, but I couldn’t speak. My reluctance to reveal my past had put a lock on my mouth.
The short silence, which in reality was only a few seconds, felt incredibly long. Just when I was hoping someone would break the silence, Ahn Sung-hyun, who was sitting next to me, suddenly pointed at me and said,
“He! Cheol-jin was seriously injured a long time ago!”
“…Huh?”
I blurted out a dumbfounded sound.
Sung-hyun quickly continued,
“He was injured badly back then and stayed in the hospital for a long time. He would have had to repeat a grade if he went back to school.”
“Ah, so that’s why you dropped out.”
Pi A-reum clasped her hands together and nodded as if she understood. Sung-hyun quickly added,
“Right. That’s why Cheol-jin took the GED. Right?”
Sung-hyun looked at me and asked, awkwardly winking with one eye so the others wouldn’t see.
I immediately nodded.
“Uh, uh, yeah. I didn’t want to repeat a grade, so I took the GED for both middle and high school.”
“Wow, so you studied for the college entrance exam on your own too?”
“Th, that’s right. I got a lot of help from online lectures.”
“That’s amazing. Our university has a pretty high cutoff score. I barely got in as a wait-listed student.”
Pi A-reum continued,
“What waitlist number were you, A-reum? I got in through the wait-list too.”
“You too? Me too.”
Seo-jin and Mi-hyun joined the conversation.
“Whoa, all three of us girls were wait-listed?”
The table became lively as if nothing had happened. The silence from just a moment ago felt like a lie.
Wiping my sweat-dampened hands on my pants, I said,
“I, I was wait-listed too. I think I was the last one.”
“Ahaha. All four of us were wait-listed? Are all six of us?”
Perhaps she felt a sense of camaraderie. Pi A-reum looked at Sung-joo and Sung-hyun with a strange sense of anticipation.
Contrary to her expectations, however, both of them shook their heads.
“I got accepted right away.”
“I got in with a scholarship…”
At the word “scholarship,” everyone’s eyes widened.
“Scholarship? Sung-hyun, were you the top student?”
“No way. He looks the most uneducated! He has a total muscle-bound macho man image!”
“…A-reum?”
“Traitor! Apologize!”
“Why should I?!”
Sung-hyun asked, his expression filled with indignation.
To be honest, although she was a bit too blunt, Pi A-reum wasn’t entirely wrong. Sung-hyun, how should I put it… he was handsome, but in a typical macho way. Just looking at his bulky physique, even through his long sleeves, gave the impression that he was more familiar with weights than books.
I wasn’t the only one who thought so, as the others quietly nodded. Sung-hyun’s face became even more indignant. Seeing him make that expression with his strong features looked comical.
…He must be doing this on purpose.
I was certain of it when Sung-hyun, whose eyes met mine for a moment, quickly looked away. His subtly revealing that he was the top of his class was also to divert attention from me.
Suddenly, I remembered what Sung-hyun had said at the subway station.
‘Friends since we were three.’
That was true. Sung-hyun and I were, so to speak, childhood friends. We had been together since kindergarten, practically brothers.
·
Empty bottles piled up on the table.
Eight soju bottles.
Even considering that the guys drank a bit more, it meant we each had more than one bottle.
“Guys, I’m sorry, but I’m going to go smoke.”
“Huh? You smoke, hyung?”
I asked Sung-joo with surprised eyes. I hadn’t seen him smoke before, so I assumed there were no smokers among us.
But surprisingly, Sung-joo wasn’t the only smoker.
“Oppa, I’ll go with you.”
“Mi-hyun, you smoke too?”
Mi-hyun pulled out a cigarette with an embarrassed look.
“Yeah. I was holding back because everyone seemed like non-smokers.”
“We were both being considerate. Let’s go.”
Sung-joo stood up with a brightened face. Whether he was happy to find a fellow smoker or happy to finally smoke after holding back for hours, it was the most excited I’d seen him all day.
“I’m going to the restroom. A-reum, want to come?”
“Sure!”
Seo-jin and Pi A-reum linked arms and headed to the restroom. Why do women always go to the restroom together?
…I tried to kill time with such pointless thoughts, but I couldn’t just sit there blankly until they came back.
Sung-hyun and I were left alone at the table.
Of the six of us, we were the only two who knew each other, but knowing the truth, we were the most awkward pair.
I fiddled with my glass, let out a small sigh, and filled it with soju. My glass full, and Sung-hyun’s too.
I offered my glass to Sung-hyun, who was looking at me with surprised eyes. He silently offered his glass in return, and we clinked them together.
Without a word, Sung-hyun and I exchanged three drinks in a row. It was an attempt to ease the awkward atmosphere with alcohol.
“Whew.”
A burning yet subtly sweet taste lingered in my mouth. What had been bitter at first now went down smoothly.
It seemed I had a high tolerance for alcohol. I had already drunk well over a bottle, but I was still clear-headed.
However, I wasn’t completely sober either.
As someone who had lived as a shut-in for five years, the very act of being outside was unfamiliar. So, I was bound to be more tense than usual, and today, with its string of unexpected events, was especially so.
But after drinking, the tension eased somewhat. Instead of dwelling on complicated worries, I was acting more simply and directly. The slip of the tongue earlier was in the same vein.
And so was this moment.
“Sung-hyun.”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Thanks.”
“…Huh?”
“Thanks, for earlier.”
Putting aside the bottled-up emotions in my heart, I expressed my gratitude. He helped me, so I thanked him. It was the natural thing to do.
Sung-hyun opened and closed his mouth as if trying to respond to my thanks, then suddenly lowered his head.
“…I’m sorry.”
An apology in response to my thanks.
It was an unexpected apology, but I remained silent. I knew what he was apologizing for.
“I’m sorry for ignoring you back then, Cheol-jin…”
“…….”
I silently filled my glass. And again, I toasted with Sung-hyun and drank. Along with the alcohol, the ‘back then’ that Sung-hyun mentioned flashed through my mind.
Back then, I was lying face down, half-naked. Bruises covered my body, and my hair was stained with grayish cigarette ash.
‘Hey, you’re friends with this punk, right? Are you?’
‘…….’
‘Ahn Sung-hyun, aren’t you going to answer? I’m asking if you’re friends with this punk.’
‘N-No. We’re not friends.’
Back then, I lost the friend I was closest to, the one I considered a brother. Sung-hyun’s pretending not to know me hurt more than the beating I received from those so-called bullies.
Logically, I could understand it easily.
Because he was scared. He must have been afraid of ending up like me.
Back then, we were only fifteen.
An age where fists were closer than the law, where classmates and upperclassmen were more fearsome than adults. Especially the group that bullied me; they were the worst of the worst.
So, even while being bullied, I didn’t seek out Sung-hyun. I deliberately pretended not to know him at school. Because I had been declared a school-wide outcast. I didn’t want my closest friend to suffer because of me.
But me distancing myself and being shunned by a friend were entirely different matters. Perhaps the reason I became a shut-in, unable to leave the house, stemmed more from a distrust of people than from the trauma of bullying.
Distrust of people—it sounds grand, but it’s a simple story.
I was shunned by the person I thought was closest to me, the one I considered my best friend. So, I stopped trusting people. Or, to be more precise, I became afraid of approaching people for fear of being betrayed again.
…Despite that, I came here today.
I came to this gathering because I didn’t want to be alone again, because I wanted to make friends, and because I wanted to live up to my parents’ expectations.
Being alone is lonely.
I might be someone who reads people’s expressions now, but I used to be someone who enjoyed being around others. Even though I pretended to be okay, the past five years have been incredibly lonely.
That’s why I wanted to make friends again.
I might be betrayed again, but I learned about the world through online communities while stuck in my room. There were all sorts of idiots and all sorts of stories there. Enough to make me think that my experience might not be such a big deal.
More than anything, I didn’t want to worry my parents.
They were the two people who hadn’t given up on me and believed in me for five long years. I couldn’t keep worrying them forever.
“I’m sorry, Cheol-jin. I’m sorry…”
Perhaps it was because he drank without a break to eat snacks.
Sung-hyun, his face flushed red, shed tears like a faucet. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who carried the memory of that day as a painful lump.
I filled the glasses again. Sung-hyun’s too, of course.
And another toast.
Clink.
But this time, instead of drinking right away, I looked at Sung-hyun. He flinched as our eyes met and apologized again.
“I’m sorry…”
I had heard enough apologies.
Continuing like this wasn’t right. It felt like the others would be back soon, and I could feel glances being cast our way. Well, it would be strange if people didn’t stare at a big guy blubbering like that.
I took a small breath. And finally, I spoke the words that had been swirling in my mouth.
“From now on… don’t pretend you don’t know me.”
I forgave Sung-hyun.
There would be no end to explaining the reasons why. The biggest reason was simply that it felt like this would bring me peace of mind. So, I decided to forgive him.
·
In less than ten minutes, Sung-hyun and I emptied more than a bottle of soju.
We were quite drunk.
Still, I wasn’t completely wasted.
I wasn’t stumbling or dropping things, so I must have been okay.
Sung-hyun, on the other hand, seemed quite drunk, as his body couldn’t stay still. The others looked at him with concern.
“Sung-hyun looks really drunk.”
“How much did he drink while we were gone?”
“Sung-hyun, are you okay?”
We were on our way to karaoke. Pi A-reum had enthusiastically suggested it, saying she wanted to sing.
I patted Sung-hyun’s swaying back.
“You okay?”
“Uh, yeah! Of course, I’m okay! I’m totally fine!”
“Go home early if you’re not feeling well.”
“No! I’m fine! If you’re here, I have to be here too! I won’t betray you!”
Saying that, Sung-hyun slapped his own cheeks hard. So hard that his face turned red.
·
So you can order alcohol at karaoke too.
I learned something new.
We ordered drinks and snacks at the karaoke room and started our merrymaking. Sung-hyun, by the way, sang one song and then passed out in the corner, completely drunk.
“Pathetic.”
Scoffing at him, I reserved a song too.
But it seemed I was a bit drunk as well. I ended up reserving a song I listened to mindlessly.
Most of the songs I usually listened to were J-POP.
“Wow… Cheol-jin is good at singing.”
“…Yonezu Kangssi is insane. I thought he came to Korea for a concert.”
Awkward compliments from the others followed.
Only then did I realize my attempt to hide my otaku side had failed.
“I, I’ll be right back. I need to use the restroom.”
I left the room and fled to the restroom.
This was all Sung-hyun’s fault. Because of him, my mind was in turmoil, so I kept drinking like water even at karaoke.
“Ugh, I’m screwed. My cover is blown on the first day…”
I mumbled, banging my head against the wall as I peed. Blaming Sung-hyun, calling him a jerk, was an added bonus.
…Wait, no. Shit, it’s fine since I sang well, right? I used to get compliments on my singing back in school. Maybe their compliments weren’t forced, maybe they were genuinely impressed.
Perhaps thanks to the alcohol, positive courage welled up instead of negative thoughts consuming me. Yeah, fuck it. I’m Yonezu Kangssi.
Armed with confidence, I was on my way back to the room when…
“Oh, right.”
I took out the object that suddenly came to mind.
The acrylic plate with a hamster and a cat on it.
Presumably, the vibrator remote.
“How do I return this?”
I had completely forgotten about it.
I needed to return it secretly somehow, but I couldn’t think of a way.
The light on the remote was still on.
“By the way, where’s the power button on this thing…?”
There were only number buttons, no power button. Did it not have an on/off function? That meant it had been on this whole time… the battery life was amazing. It had been on since the bowling alley, so it must have been more than five hours.
Trying to turn it off somehow, I pressed the number buttons randomly.
In order: 1, 2, 3, 4… 5.
Click.
“Hnnn?!”
A woman’s voice mixed with a moan.
I didn’t even have to turn around to know whose voice it was.
Reflexively, I turned the output down to 1 and shoved the remote into my pocket.
‘A-reum, why did you put it back in…?’
I thought you took it out?
Or could it be that you were wearing it the whole time…?
Unable to bring myself to turn around, I pretended nothing happened and went back into the room.
·
The drinking party ended.
“Ugh, the last train is coming soon.”
“Me too. Unnie, which way are you going?”
Seo-jin and Mi-hyun were headed in the same direction.
“Kang Cheol and Sung-joo oppa said they lived alone, right?”
“Yeah. So I was planning to let Sung-hyun crash at my place.”
Sung-joo said, supporting Sung-hyun.
“Huh? Kang Cheol lives alone too, so wouldn’t it be better for Sung-hyun to stay at his place? You two are really close friends.”
I was a little flustered by Seo-jin’s suggestion, but…
“Ah, my place is bigger. It’s a two-bedroom.”
“Wow, a two-bedroom? Are you rich, oppa?”
“Rich, my foot. I’m a bit older than you guys. I spent all my savings on this place.”
His place being bigger… It seemed like there was more to it than just that.
Sung-joo, whose eyes met mine, grinned and patted my back. Although he didn’t say anything, he seemed to understand that my relationship with Sung-hyun wasn’t simple.
I smiled awkwardly and expressed my gratitude with a glance. We had cleared the air while drinking, but taking him home would be a bit burdensome. How awkward would it be when we woke up sober in the morning?
‘He’s perceptive too.’
He was handsome, had leadership qualities, sang well… he was the whole package, which could have been annoying, but he was perceptive too. He was the kind of hyung I wanted to be friends with.
“Then I’ll take Sung-hyun. Everyone, I had fun. See you when classes start.”
“It was fun! Everyone, get home safe!”
Sung-joo and Sung-hyun walked away, and…
Mi-hyun and Seo-jin entered the subway station.
That left Pi A-reum and me.
I asked Pi A-reum, who was standing there blankly,
“Aren’t you leaving, A-reum? You said you had a friend’s place nearby.”
Pi A-reum said she was going to sleep over at a friend’s place nearby.
“Do you want me to walk you there?”
I surprised myself after saying that. Wow, such proactiveness from me?
I guess I got a lot more comfortable with everyone after drinking. Especially with Pi A-reum, who had almost no sense of personal space.
But Pi A-reum stared up at me and said,
“When are you going to give it back?”
“…Huh?”
My mind went blank for a moment.
But Pi A-reum didn’t give me time to recover.
“My remote. You have it.”
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
