My Platoon is Fucking Hopeless – Chapter 62

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Wjin
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A tranquil plain, nestled between a low-lying lake and encircling mountains. Five lone wooden buildings stood there, clearly old farmhouses hastily repurposed.

“Welcome to the 8th Assault Magic Infantry Battalion~! Ta-da~!”

Standing before the buildings, arms crossed with a satisfied expression, was the lavender-haired woman I’d seen far too often to be surprised.

“Glory to the Motherland.”

“Enough, enough! Saluting again. Anyway, I told you we’d meet again, didn’t I?!”

“I figured as much, when you transferred my entire platoon.”

“Well… I thought you were rather attached to your squad.”

To be honest, it was a meaningless gesture. Lumia, Belle, Claude, and Roxana were all good people, but… were they suitable for the plans I had in mind? The answer was a resounding no. I needed a well-trained elite unit, not a rehabilitation group.

“And the reason I called your whole squad here is because I’m curious about their abilities.”

“Abilities?”

“Do you think 1st-grade mages are common? You know they’re too valuable to be stuck in a field unit.” She had a point.

Claude had proven his strength with the title of war hero, and aside from his strange rivalry with the officers, he was an exceptional combatant. And while the other squad members were each missing a screw, their stats were top-notch.

Of course, the problem was that the missing screws were so large they practically made up most of their bodies, causing them to creak and wobble with every movement.

“Did you check their special notes?”

“They’re a bit peculiar, but… I consider them quirks.”

Quirks didn’t quite cover it. But I couldn’t change what had already been decided. It might actually be easier to manage my original squad members, despite their flaws, than complete strangers.

They might even excel in this new environment, now that they were in better shape.

“Oh, one more thing! Second Lieutenant Enoch, you’re a company commander now. A company commander who hasn’t even finished his platoon leader term! Isn’t that something?”

“…It’s just a training unit, isn’t it?”

“It’s the principle of the thing.”

Sony Zeppelin waved her hand dismissively, as if such details were trivial. But for an Assault Magic Infantry Battalion, this place seemed awfully deserted. The buildings being temporary made sense for a training unit, but there was a severe lack of personnel.

“Shouldn’t a battalion-level unit have at least a hundred personnel?”

“Yes, normally.”

“Then why does it feel like there’s only you and me on this vast site?”

“Ah… about that. The unit members haven’t all arrived yet. There is one other person here, though.”

Sony Zeppelin turned towards the two-story building in the center, which seemed to serve as the headquarters. Compared to the grand headquarters building of the 3rd Battalion, this one was crude, shabby, and rough.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

I followed Sony Zeppelin, who practically skipped towards the headquarters.

Creak… squeak.

“The hinges are rusted, I’ll need to replace them.”

The interior was exactly as I imagined: a wooden building left unattended for a long time. While it wasn’t falling apart, it was far from being in good condition.

“Those rooms down the hallway are for Personnel, Intelligence Operations, Logistics, and Facilities Management, in that order.”

“Is there a Headquarters Company?”

“On the second floor!”

With a Headquarters Company, they at least had the basic structure in place. It was hard to imagine anyone actually working here, but it was officially a battalion.

While I was taking in the scene, Sony Zeppelin threw open the door to the second room and shouted, “Chief of Staff! The first company commander has arrived!”

Crash!

The wooden door slammed against the hinges, spewing sawdust. A man, who had been slumped over a desk in the corner, sat up.

“Groan…”

He rose unsteadily, his figure gaunt. Even I, who was rather thin, was shocked by his appearance. His trembling arms made him look more like a walking corpse than a living person. If I were easily frightened, I would have instinctively attacked him with magic.

“Say hello. This is Major Josef Lewandowski, our Chief of Staff for the 8th Assault Magic Infantry Battalion.”

“Uh… um, Glory to the Motherland!” I saluted, and Josef, with a shaky, wavering arm, returned the salute.

“Colonel… is he alright?”

“Yes, he’s fine. See? He hasn’t even coughed up blood yet.”

“Cough, cough! Hack!!”

“Oh, there it is.”

Josef vomited blood.

I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Was I dreaming?

“He’s just a little frail. You know… the ‘frail’ trait.”

“Coughing up blood is not ‘a little frail’!”

I helped the blood-splattered Chief of Staff back into his seat. His dark-circled eyes stared blankly at me.

“Hmm… Second Lieutenant… Enoch Levandal, was it…?”

“Yes, Major Josef Lewandowski.”

“Thank you… I was up all night… I seem to be a little tired…”

“Then you should have gone to bed. What were you doing?”

“I passed out.”

This was madness. Even I wasn’t in perfect health, but the battalion’s Chief of Staff was this bad? Assault Magic Infantry Battalion? They should rename it the Emergency Medical Battalion. I stared at the Colonel incredulously, but she simply shrugged.

“You’ll get used to it. I’ve stocked up on blood packs for Chief of Staff Josef.”

‘Is that why she thought my squad members’ conditions were just quirks?’

Compared to a major coughing up blood, my squad’s slight(?) mental issues were practically endearing. He looked worse than Roxana with her Mana Heart Disease.

“This doesn’t… happen all the time… does it…?”

“It mostly does.”

“It only happens when… I need to concentrate…” Major Josef trailed off weakly. Sony Zeppelin patted his shoulder.

“Just go and rest. There’s nothing to do today.”

“Alright…” Josef shuffled out of the office.

I tried to follow, unsure if I should just leave him like that, but Sony Zeppelin stopped me.

“There’s no need. Major Josef isn’t as weak as you think, Lieutenant.”

“You think a superior officer who coughs up blood upon first meeting is fine?!”

“Despite his appearance, he’s a specialist who received commissioned training in the Free Democratic Republic of Pry. He graduated top of his class from the Mountain Assault Division.”

“What?”

I knew the Pry Mountain Assault Division very well. It was Pry’s second strongest force after the unit known as the ‘Foreign Legion.’ A large-scale division covering the entire mountainous terrain of the country, composed of elite soldiers selected through grueling training.

A force capable of fighting at 100% efficiency in both offensive and defensive situations, gaining combat bonuses in mountainous areas where other units faltered. A decisive weapon.

Major Josef was top of his class there? I couldn’t believe it.

“Are you joking?”

“Haha, Lieutenant. Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself? Your potential is exceptional, even among the soldiers I’ve seen… but there are many in the military with far more experience and training.”

Sony Zeppelin was smiling, but her voice carried a sharp edge, drawing a line.

“Don’t get cocky. Even though I appointed you company commander because I value your abilities, it’s a temporary position. It can change at any time.”

I straightened up and replied loudly, “My apologies! I’m sorry!”

“Yes, your quick judgment is another reason I value you.” The Colonel returned to her usual tone.

“I have a question, though.”

“What is it?”

“Before arriving here, His Majesty the King came to see me personally.”

“What…?! He did? Sigh… I specifically asked him not to.”

A shadow of worry crossed Sony Zeppelin’s face. She was concerned about the King’s safety and the secrecy of the operation.

“It’s alright, he left before anyone could become suspicious.”

“Anyway… what’s your question?”

“His Majesty said this is a training unit. What do you mean by temporary ranks? Are we being trained, or are we training others?”

Sony Zeppelin held up two fingers in a V-sign. “Both, of course!”

“Both…?”

“Excluding me and the Chief of Staff, there are ten officers, including you. Fifty NCO’s, including your former squad members. And one hundred soldiers who graduated with honors from the training center.” A total of 160 personnel.

“Following a training plan developed by the Pry Mountain Division, all 160 personnel will participate in training simultaneously.” Her eyes gleamed with excitement.

“There will be real-time evaluations, and those who make it to the end will be assigned positions based on their performance! The evaluation criteria are very detailed, allowing us to determine whether someone is suited for staff or command positions.” I was taken aback by her declaration.

“It’s a survival-style training program?”

“A competition to see who can last the longest and perform the best.”

“So, Lieutenant, don’t get complacent. Stay sharp.” Sony Zeppelin added with a smile.

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