Madman in a Fantasy World – Chapter 27

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Vine
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The day after completing the quest with the bald man…

Luke woke up early, feeling surprisingly refreshed.

In his past life, the mere thought of going to work had felt like a heavy burden.

I ended up skipping work that day.

And eventually got fired for excessive absenteeism, but that was a secret.

This world was different.

How many people got to do what they loved for a living?

Dreams were just that—dreams.

Adult life, with its military service and soul-crushing jobs, turned most people into wage slaves, scanning barcodes at convenience stores.

This world, in that sense, was paradise!

If he wanted to hunt monsters, he could just take a quest and beat them up.

And if someone annoyed him, he could beat them up without getting a summons from the police.

“Luna, what’s on the schedule today?”

“After breakfast, we’ll visit Mr. Smith to pick up the War Wolf meat and the safe. Then, we’ll go to the Adventurers’ Guild for your D-rank promotion test.”

Having a beautiful assistant recite his schedule was much better than reading the news.

This is the life.

He remembered a game he used to play.

Stealing cars, robbing banks, and wrecking expensive sports cars. It boasted ultimate freedom.

Why was a game that simply replicated real life so popular?

Because in the game, you could own dozens of supercars, buy multi-million dollar buildings, and wreak havoc with all sorts of weapons.

This world was similar.

A world where he could do anything he wanted.

It was incredibly motivating.

“Luna, tissue.”

“…What?”

He had a sudden, inappropriate thought.

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They were on their way to the Adventurers’ Guild after collecting the dog meat and the gold coins from the safe.

Something brushed past him.

“Luke! Pickpocket!” Luna shouted.

“So? It’s not my money.”

He felt sorry for the pickpocket, resorting to petty theft in a world where it was so easy to make money.

But then again, pickpocketing happened even in countries with good law enforcement.

It was probably unavoidable in a medieval setting.

He was going to let it slide. It wasn’t his money anyway.

“…It was your money.”

“Get him, you son of a bitch!!!”

Thus began a chaotic chase through the crowded streets.

Luna and the pickpocket skillfully weaved through the crowd.

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!”

Luke, like a Charger from Left 4 Dead, shoved his way through the crowd.

The pickpocket, noticing them, looked back, startled, and ran faster.

Hide a tree in a forest.

Hide a person in a crowd.

It was a good strategy.

Except Luke knew the best counter-strategy.

Hide a tree in a forest?

Just burn down the forest.

And if the pickpocket hid in a crowd…

“Excuse me! Excuse me!”

…he’d just bulldoze his way through.

A pickpocket weaving through a crowd couldn’t outrun a human bulldozer moving in a straight line.

The pickpocket, realizing this, turned sharply into a narrow alley.

It was a dead end.

Luke and Luna followed him in.

“Kuhehehe.”

Gotcha.

As Luke approached, the pickpocket, like a cornered cat, tried to claw his way through the wall.

“S-s-spare me—!”

“Hey, hey, calm down. I’m not going to eat you.”

Why was he so scared?

If Luke wanted to kill him, he would have done it already.

“Let’s settle this like civilized people, shall we?”

He grinned.

“Y-yes…?”

“Let’s talk.”

He was too skinny to punch, but he seemed… illiterate.

He might have to resort to physical communication after all.

He raised his fist. The pickpocket immediately dropped to his knees and sat in a seiza position.

“T-talking is good!”

“See? You can do it.”

Talking was important.

In a world where people resorted to insults and violence, civil conversation was a precious resource.

“So, why did you steal from me?”

“I-I thought you were a noble because of the academy uniform…”

Luke was a nameless commoner who wasn’t even in the novel.

“I see. You must be desperate for money.”

“Thank you for understanding!”

“But you know stealing is wrong, right?”

“Y-yes! I know!”

“I believe in punishment for wrongdoing. So, I’m going to break your fingers so you can’t steal anymore.”

“…What?”

He didn’t seem to understand, so Luke decided to show him.

Actions spoke louder than words.

He grabbed the pickpocket’s hand and bent his index finger backward.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!”

With a Strength stat of 48, breaking a finger was like snapping a pretzel stick.

It feels good.

Like cracking a crab leg to get to the meat.

The first knuckle of his index finger was bent at an unnatural angle.

He then bent the second knuckle in the opposite direction.

“Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!”

“Shhh. You’re disturbing the peace.”

He had a set of lungs on him.

He could have been a singer.

Luke shoved his stolen pouch into the pickpocket’s mouth to muffle his screams.

His index finger now looked like a lightning bolt.

“Hey, Luna, do you think if we stuck a metal skewer through his finger and held it up during a thunderstorm, he’d become a human lightning rod?”

“…Just use a regular lightning rod.”

Tsk. She didn’t appreciate the joy of manipulating nature.

Well, she could shoot lightning from her fingertips, so she probably didn’t find it as impressive.

Back in my day, shooting lasers from your hands was cool.

He broke the pickpocket’s middle finger.

“Guh…!”

“I know, I know.”

Stealing was wrong.

Everyone learned that as a child, either from their parents or at school.

But this pickpocket seemed to have missed that lesson, growing up in this medieval world.

He had to rehabilitate him.

Killing him for stealing was too harsh.

So, he would break all his fingers to prevent him from stealing again.

That way, whenever he felt the urge to steal, he would look at his broken fingers and reflect on his past mistakes.

He was helping the victim rehabilitate the perpetrator.

What a good deed!

“I’m such a good person!”

Crack. Snap. Pop.

“Ugh…!”

“Luna, want to break one?”

“…I’m good.”

“Really? Suit yourself.”

It was so satisfying, like popping bubble wrap.

Crack.

“Guh…!”

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“Sowwy…”

The pickpocket, his fingers twisted like ramen noodles, apologized.

Luke hadn’t touched his face, but his speech was slurred.

“You know you did wrong? Don’t do it again, okay?”

“Otay…”

“Good. Here’s a present.”

He handed the pickpocket his pouch.

The pickpocket bowed repeatedly, thanking him profusely, and ran away.

“I wonder what he’ll do with that.”

It was the amount he could earn from robbing one safe.

He doesn’t appreciate the value of hard work.

They left the alley.

“Um… Luke… are you sure it was okay to give him that?” Luna asked hesitantly.

“What?”

“The money pouch.”

“Are you crazy? Why would I give him money?”

What money pouch?

Did she really think that was a money pouch?

Had she been paying any attention at all?

He had Inventory. Why would he carry a money pouch?

“…Then what was in the pouch?”

“Cockroaches.”

He had wanted to put them in his inventory, but living creatures couldn’t be stored.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!”

A scream echoed nearby.

“When did you even catch those…?”

“When we went to deal with the pig.”

He had found them in the back alley where they had found the pig.

The dark, damp alley had been teeming with them.

Just like mosquitoes, cockroaches were everywhere.

He had collected them, thinking they might be useful someday. He hadn’t expected to use them like this.

“So, you broke his fingers because he stole a pouch of cockroaches…?”

“Hey! Don’t say ‘just’!”

It was wrong to belittle something that might be precious to someone else!

“Stealing is wrong! Even if it’s just dust or a single copper coin! Understand?!”

“But you stole a sword from the academy, claiming consumer rights—”

“That wasn’t stealing! It was exercising my rights! What was that called again?”

“…Exercising your rights.”

“Exactly.”

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