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Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous – Chapter 42

.。.:✧ Don't Worry! This Novel is All-Ages(?)! ✧:.。.

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Mod7
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‘?????????????????????’

[Dear?…]

‘?????????????????????’

[Dear! Why are you malfunctioning?!]

‘?????????????????????’

Countless question marks bombarded my mind.

I couldn’t comprehend the situation.

‘Husband? Husband? Husband?’

We had just met today.

Why was she calling me “husband?”

‘Why? Who? Why? Who? Why? Who?’

[…You’re beyond saving.]

Then, I saw a shard emerge from Elsia.

She must have regressed after seeing a particular future.

‘Was I her boyfriend or husband in that future?’

[This one also believes so. There’s no other explanation for her words.]

The path was clear.

I focused on the shard and started watching her regressed future.

Whether I liked it or not, I had to know the reason.

Just like before, the shard emitted a bright light, which then faded as my vision returned.

As soon as my vision cleared, I chose to fast forward.

‘I’m on a timer, gotta get to the highlights.’

[This one also finds full matches tedious.]

The scene before me vanished.

It was replaced by a scene from a specific point in time.

The first thing I saw was “me” and Elsia in a dark room.

“Me” looked slightly older, and Elsia’s hair was much longer, although her face remained the same.

“I” was lying beneath Elsia…

And she was on top of “me”.

I couldn’t help but cheer.

What do lovers do? They have hot, steamy, baby-making sex!

I was going to be an alpha male banging an elf in the future!

‘Oh, right. Damn it. This is an all-ages novel.’

[Since when did you care about that? Skip ahead a bit. You can’t see anything clearly.]

Elsia was on top of “me,” moving rhythmically.

It was the classic cowgirl position.

I observed her movements.

The first thing that caught my eye was her expression.

Her cheeks were flushed, her hands cupping her face, her eyes half-closed in a mix of pleasure and embarrassment.

She looked incredibly happy.

Her large breasts swayed enticingly with each movement.

But her movements didn’t slow down, if anything, they were accelerating.

Suddenly, red lights started flashing, indicating that my time was running out.

‘Hey, damn it! We’re still in the intro!’

[Yes! You can’t stop in the middle!]

‘I don’t care if it drains all my stamina, I’m watching this till the end!’

[Excellent idea! This one agrees! We’re finally on the same page!]

It looked like they were engaging in some serious baby-making.

Elsia was expressing her happiness with every fiber of her being.

Her moans grew louder.

And every now and then, I could hear her whisper, “I love you.”

Her gaze was intense, filled with passion, as if she was never going to let go.

It was similar to a typical adult video…

Except for two minor details.

“My” limbs were tied to the bed.

And “my” eyes and mouth were covered. Two very minor details.

[Didn’t you say you weren’t into this kind of stuff on Hitomi?]

‘Let’s just say I saw it with my own eyes (Hitomi). The other phrase sounds weird. It’s probably just Elsia’s preference.’

[That’s likely the case. It’s not an incomprehensible preference.]

‘It’s perfectly normal for couples to engage in this kind of stuff with mutual consent.’

This was mild compared to some of the other kinks out there.

At least it wasn’t something dangerous like choking.

[Well, seeing this, this one can understand why she called you “husband.”]

‘Let’s just enjoy the show and think about it later. Damn, those boobs are insane.’

[Hye-ji will hate this. Let’s watch a bit more and then decide. This one is also intrigued.]

They had reached the climax.

Both “me” and Elsia were trembling.

A brief moment of post-coital bliss.

Elsia, still on top of “me”, reached out to remove the blindfold and gag.

‘So I end up with an elf.’

[This one is also surprised. She’s a High Elf, even if she is mixed-race. Congratulations in advance.]

I smiled, pleased with the scene.

And a sense of anticipation bloomed in my heart.

What would happen when my consciousness returned to the present?

I looked around.

The room was stark and empty, a stark contrast to the passionate scene.

There was nothing on the walls.

Just a bed and a desk.

It looked even worse than my dorm room.

[The room is empty.]

‘He lives a bleak life, both in the present and in the future.’

And as I was lost in thought…

‘…Wait a minute.’

[What’s wrong?]

‘Shit.’

The small sense of dissonance I felt earlier grew exponentially.

The growing feeling of unease turned into a warning that spread throughout my body.

The voice in my head seemed to be thinking the same thing.

‘There are… no windows?’

[…There’s nothing to indicate the passage of time.]

‘No wonder I couldn’t tell when this was…’

Red lights were flashing frantically around me.

The time limit was long past.

The flashing red lights felt like a warning against the excitement I was feeling.

Danger.

Suddenly, I heard Elsia’s voice.

“It’s Husband’s fault. You kept ignoring me even though you tempted me with that sexy body.”

“Mmm!!!”

“You left me no choice but to resort to such drastic measures.”

Elsia removed the blindfold and the gag.

She smiled at the sight of “me” tied up and helpless.

“I finally get to see Husband’s face.”

“Gasp… gasp…”

“Husband, do you think this is rape?”

“I,” still tied up and gasping for breath, thought for a moment.

Then, “I” answered,

“No, this is consensual.”

‘Of course, that’s what “I” would say. That’s the right answer.’

[Are you out of your mind?]

Elsia clapped her hands and smiled brightly.

But there was something unsettling about her smile.

“That’s good to hear! Since it’s consensual, I’ll cut off your-”

The world suddenly turned completely red.

And my consciousness faded.

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Back to the present.

As the colorless world slowly regained its colors…

I heard the voice in my head.

[What was that about “consensual?” You were being raped!]

‘Think about it. “He” was suddenly tied up in an unknown place, completely at her mercy, right?’

[…You had no say in the matter.]

Of course, I had no say in it.

But this wasn’t rape.

‘But when the blindfold came off, he saw a beautiful elf.’

[…So?]

The voice in my head still didn’t get it.

I explained,

‘From that moment on, it became consensual. A love-rape scenario.’

[Shut up!!! Don’t insult consensual love!!!!]

‘Ow! My head hurts!’

Her voice boomed in my head.

At that moment, the world regained its full color.

As the world slowly resumed its movements, I opened my mouth to speak.

Or, I tried to.

An overwhelming exhaustion washed over me.

It was the price for staying in the future for too long.

And unlike before, I felt dizzy, as if suffering from severe anemia.

But the worst part was…

The throbbing pain in my left eye.

[Dear, are you alright? You look worse than before.]

‘Damn, the interest rate on this is insane. Even loan sharks are better than this.’

[Do you regret it?]

‘Not a single regret in my life!’

I had no regrets.

But my body was a wreck.

I couldn’t even lift my head, let alone my arms, due to the overwhelming exhaustion.

But Elsia seemed to interpret it differently.

She blushed, looking embarrassed.

She let go of my hand and covered her face with hers, whispering,

“You must be so embarrassed. Don’t worry, Husband. I’ll take good care of you.”

The classroom erupted in an uproar.

I felt countless gazes on me.

“Why is only he happy? Why is only he happy?”

“Damn it! No one even looks at me! This isn’t fair!”

“…You should reflect on your own face.”

“I want to exchange cute messages with girls! Install MomoTalk for me!”

“You should install a hypnosis app.”

“What the hell is a hypnosis app, you bastard?!”

Voices filled with jealousy and rage.

Then, someone made a sharp observation.

“Wait a minute. Did that guy crush the other candidate to get his wife elected?”

“Isn’t that a violation of election laws?!”

The classroom descended into chaos.

Elsia calmly raised her hand.

The noise slowly subsided.

Once the room was completely silent, she spoke.

“You might be surprised, but actually, this is our first meeting.”

“Then why did you call him ‘husband’?!”

Someone shouted from the back, their voice filled with resentment.

They must have been interested in Elsia.

“That’s because…”

She paused and looked at me.

I struggled to lift my head.

She met my gaze, then turned to address the entire classroom.

“…I knew he was my husband the moment I saw him.”

She took my hand in hers again, and then, with a gentle tug…

…pulled it towards her ample bosom.

It was as if I was being pulled in by gravity.

Before I could even think, my hand was moving towards that massive… motherly presence.

But her attempt…

Slap!

…was thwarted.

By someone.

“Hands off! You boob monster!!!!!”

Hye-ji, who had been frozen in place, suddenly shouted, slapping Elsia’s hand away.

The black number above her head had increased by one.

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[Translator Notes]

I dont know, that future doesnt sound too bad to me

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Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous

Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous

Score 9.7
Status: Ongoing Type: Author: Artist: Released: 2021 Native Language: Korean
Hey, all of us who CAN'T regress, how about we hit that like button? I'll go first!

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Andro99
Andro99
10 days ago

Did she cut his little brother?

stryke105
stryke105
Reply to  Andro99
5 days ago

I think his limbs, she kinda needs the little brother to be able to get stiff

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