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Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous – Chapter 35

.。.:✧ A Faculty Meeting in the Henhouse ✧:.。.

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Mod7
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“Silence!”

The elderly female professor quickly took control of the chaotic meeting.

But even her commanding presence couldn’t stop Professor Yoon Hwa-ran’s rage.

She glared at me from across the table, fuming.

The number above her head increased.

But this time, no shard appeared.

“Die!!!!”

I had a bad feeling about this, so I was already focusing on her. Then, a scalpel came flying towards me.

It was definitely her doing.

But I was prepared and caught it easily.

“Tsk!”

She clicked her tongue, annoyed that her attack failed.

The red number above her head increased.

“How slow. Even your throwing is pathetic.”

“What are you doing!!!”

The elderly professor raised her voice, seeing what had just transpired.

I seized the opportunity and spoke,

“Professor, isn’t it against the rules to throw a weapon at a student?”

“That bastard called me a gold miss!”

“Then I’ll consider it self-defense.”

‘No, what the hell?!’

[It seems that term is a sensitive topic for that professor too.]

Suddenly, I was bombarded with a wave of resentment.

It came from the female professors and staff members who were around the same age as Professor Yoon.

“Kill him! Don’t let him live!”

“We’re not spinsters! Time just moves faster for us!!”

“I’m a non-marriage advocate!!! But that term is still offensive!!!”

“Death penalty! Death penalty for sure!”

The atmosphere turned hostile.

Professor Yoon, seeing an opportunity to escalate the situation, shouted,

“Ye-rim, who’s on vacation today, said she’s getting married thanks to that bastard!!!”

“Don’t try to undermine our vow of non-marriage!!”

“Kill him!!!!!!!!!”

[They’re insane.]

‘These chicken coop bitches are truly crazy.’

They were acting like it was gambling season, even though it wasn’t.

I was impressed by Sister Ye-rim’s efficiency. She went on vacation immediately after I gave her the idea.

But right now, I had to deal with the situation before me.

If I said the wrong thing, dozens of scalpels would be heading my way.

I needed to shift public opinion back in my favor.

“Wait a minute, I have something to say.”

“Go ahead.”

The elderly professor allowed me to speak.

She was staring at me, waiting to hear what I had to say, so I spoke truthfully,

“Except for Professor Yoon, all of you will be married within the next three years. Before Christmas. It’s a certainty.”

“Why are you singling me out?!”

The hostile atmosphere dissipated.

“Oh, it’s fine, student. We understand.”

“I’m a non-marriage advocate, of course, but I won’t object if someone wants to get married.”

“We were a bit on edge. Sorry, student.”

“Well, marriage isn’t a bad thing. We can always get married eventually.”

“By any chance, do you know any good single guys?”

“Why are you all letting him off the hook?! We have to kill him!!”

[How foolish, getting worked up over a trivial thing like marriage.]

‘You’ve never been married either, grandma.’

[You little bitch.]

The other professors started speaking kindly to me.

Only Professor Yoon was raging even more intensely.

The meeting resumed, with a relatively calmer atmosphere.

“This isn’t a big deal, let’s move on. Since you’re here, please introduce yourself.”

[…Didn’t shea say it was self-defense?]

‘This chicken coop.’

“Hello, I’m Kim Shinwoo, a first-year Iron-tier student.”

So far, so good.

After my brief introduction, the elderly professor addressed me.

“Student Kim Shinwoo, you are accused of concealing your abilities when entering the academy.”

“I’d like to clarify that point.”

Professor Pil-yong, who was sitting next to me, raised his hand.

I was so touched by his attempt to defend me that I whispered,

“Professor, I’m so touched.”

“I’m the only one you can trust, right?”

“Thank you. You’re the best.”

“Actually, if you get expelled, all our research papers will be useless.”

[Who are you putting your faith in?]

‘A professor being a professor, damn it.’

My brief moment of gratitude vanished.

Ignoring my inner thoughts, Professor Pil-yong addressed the room.

“Please take a look at this.”

He connected a USB drive to the projector.

A video started playing.

“As you can see, until recently, the Ability Reader’s analysis of Kim Shinwoo was as follows: ”

– [Reading complete.]

– [No ability detected.]

– [Non-ability user confirmed.]

“And this result was consistent until recently.”

He played the other videos, one after another.

There were slight variations, but they all showed that I was a non-ability user.

“However, after his duel with Student Lucianer, the results changed.”

– [Reading complete.]

– [Unable to identify ability.]

– [Considered a non-ability user.]

“We tested him today with 53 different models of the same reader, but the result remains the same.”

Then, he started playing the videos they had recorded during the past two hours.

I felt a wave of relief with each video that played.

I was so grateful.

But…

“I object. I’d like to refute this.”

“What is it?”

My relief was short-lived.

Professor Park Mi-ran raised her hand in objection.

“Are you doubting the accuracy of our readers?”

“Not at all. Their accuracy has been proven when analyzing my own abilities.”

“Then what’s the problem?!”

Professor Pil-yong growled, annoyed by the sudden interruption.

Of course…

“Have you considered the possibility of a Camouflage Ability User concealing another person’s abilities?”

“That’s…”

…his words trailed off at her remark.

The mood in the room shifted.

Camouflage Ability User.

An ability user who could, as the name suggests, conceal something.

The targets and methods varied from person to person.

Some could change their appearance, others could render themselves completely invisible.

And some could even conceal the abilities of others.

It didn’t negate the ability entirely.

It just distorted the way it was perceived, making it appear different.

Or, as in my case, manipulating the results of the reader.

Of course, it was still considered a highly dangerous ability.

Which is why Professor Pil-yong was so obsessed with developing the Ability Reader.

“Wait a minute, how would I even know a Camouflage Ability User?”

“We can’t ignore any possibility, however unlikely.”

There were only a handful of registered Camouflage Ability Users in the country.

And of course, there were none in the academy.

“That’s absurd. How could I possibly know one?”

“Are you sure about that?”

Camouflage Ability Users were typically employed by the government and operated in secrecy.

It was impossible to meet one, let alone become acquainted with one.

But Professor Mi-ran’s sinister grin made me uneasy.

“Are you so confident you haven’t met one? There’s a record of you meeting someone on the day you entered the academy.”

[…It’s that Ryu Kang-hyuk guy, isn’t it?]

‘Oh, shit.’

“Ah.”

“Tell us. If you’re innocent, you should be able to reveal their identity, right?”

I could just reveal Old Man Kang-hyuk’s name here.

But considering Sister Ye-rim’s reaction earlier, it didn’t seem like a good idea.

It could even cause more problems.

I couldn’t speak.

Professor Mi-ran then continued,

“And I have proof that this person is a Camouflage Ability User.”

“What proof?”

“The Defensive Coat you wore earlier.”

It was a gift.

But Defensive Coats were something that most Hunters owned.

This was ridiculous.

“All Hunters wear them, what’s wrong with me wearing one?”

“That coat… it’s the first edition of the Replica Defensive Coat. The original, in other words.”

This wasn’t ridiculous at all.

[You didn’t tell anyone about it, did you?]

‘How the hell did she know?’

The meeting room was in an uproar.

There was no way a student could easily obtain the original version of the Defensive Coat.

Professor Mi-ran, sensing she had struck a nerve, continued her relentless interrogation.

“You can fool others, but not me. My research is focused on defensive barriers.”

“It’s true that it’s the original version. But I received it as a personal gift. It has nothing to do with a Camouflage Ability User.”

She smiled slightly, as if she had been waiting for my response.

And then she said,

“Shinwoo, you know there are only a handful of original Defensive Coats in the country.”

She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and glared at me.

As if she was looking at a criminal.

“And they are only given to a select few individuals chosen by the government.”

“But what does that have to do with a Camouflage Ability User?”

“The government issues original Defensive Coats to all Camouflage Ability Users, with serial numbers.”

“All of them?”

“Yes. It’s the best they can offer to such valuable human resources.”

This was news to me.

I didn’t know they gave the original to all Camouflage Ability Users.

That definitely added weight to Professor Mi-ran’s argument.

To think that a retired Hunter would give me an original Defensive Coat just because I introduced him to a woman?

It made more sense to think that I received it from a Camouflage Ability User.

“Considering your exceptional skills against humans, there are two possibilities.”

She raised her index and middle fingers.

She looked at me, framing my face between her two fingers.

“First, you subdued a Camouflage Ability User and stole the coat. But this is unlikely, as they wouldn’t conceal your ability if you were strong enough to overpower them.”

She folded her middle finger.

Her index finger was now pointing directly at me.

“Second, you’re acquainted with a Camouflage Ability User who concealed your ability for you. And they gave you the coat out of goodwill.”

[This situation seems to be spiraling out of control. Wouldn’t it be better to just tell them?]

‘It would be easier, but I don’t want to drag the old man into this.’

Silence descended upon the meeting room.

Everyone was holding their breath, watching the scene unfold.

Professor Mi-ran slammed her hand on the table, delivering the final blow.

“So, I have two proposals.”

“What are they?”

“First, admit your guilt and leave the academy voluntarily. In this case, you won’t face any disciplinary action other than expulsion.”

“And the second option?”

She was basically asking me to take the blame and quietly disappear.

I didn’t like it.

“Second, hand over the coat. We can identify who gave it to you by checking the serial number.”

“And what if it wasn’t from a Camouflage Ability User?”

“Then there’s no problem. But you’ll have to explain why you received it.”

The second option was worse.

I asked about the consequences of being associated with a Camouflage Ability User, just in case.

“…And if it was from a Camouflage Ability User?”

“Then, you will face the harshest possible punishment. It won’t just be a simple expulsion.”

Checkmate.

The perfect word to describe my situation.

I glanced at Professor Pil-yong, but he just looked troubled and didn’t say anything.

If I revealed the old man’s name, my academy life would be guaranteed.

But he would be dragged into this mess.

On the other hand, if I admitted my guilt without revealing anything, I would be sent to work as a delivery guy.

Memories of my time with the old man flashed through my mind.

Him beating me up every day. Recommending that “masterpiece” (not a masterpiece).

I felt annoyed.

[At this point, just throw him under the bus.]

‘Should I really do it? ’

I sighed deeply.

I didn’t know his intentions, but he did give me something valuable.

And thanks to it, I even managed to defeat the elf.

I felt like I’d done enough.

[At least the weather is nice in spring, so working as a delivery guy won’t be too bad.]

*‘You useless old man. You should be thanking me.’ *

“Shinwoo! Make your choice!”

“Okay, I’ll tell you. I-”

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[Translator Notes]
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Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous

Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous

Score 9.7
Status: Ongoing Type: Author: Artist: Released: 2021 Native Language: Korean
Hey, all of us who CAN'T regress, how about we hit that like button? I'll go first!

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