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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: FusionX
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Click, click-
The crisp sound of polished shoes echoed in the hallway. It was late at night, the hour when most people were asleep. But for Saten, a creature of the night, this was the time when she felt most alive.
She descended to the first floor and knocked softly on the door.
Knock, knock-
“Mister, are you asleep?”
Silence. No response. Perhaps he was asleep.
Just in case he hadn’t heard, Saten knocked again, a little louder this time.
Bang, bang-!
“Mister, are you asleep?”
The louder knocks seemed to do the trick. She heard movement from within, a hurried shuffling, and then the door creaked open.
“Saten…? What is it at this late hour…?”
“I’m sorry, it seems I woke you.”
“May I come in for a moment? I need to talk to you.”
“…Alright.”
Lee Jun-woo smoothed his messy hair as he stepped aside. Saten followed him inside, feeling a nervous flutter she hadn’t experienced in a while.
“…Was I disturbing you?”
“You seem to realize that. Good.”
“…I’m sorry. I’ll ask my question and leave quickly.”
“…Go ahead.”
The curt reply stung.
The knowledge that she was the cause of this strained atmosphere made the sting sharper. But she couldn’t bear the awkwardness any longer. She had to address the issue.
“Mister.”
“Have a seat.”
“…Mister, I have a question.”
“Ask away.”
“Why aren’t you punishing me?”
Saten clenched her fists, her back to the dim yellow light of the lamp. It took considerable effort for her, with her strong pride, to ask such a question.
Lee Jun-woo looked directly at her.
“Saten, what do you mean by that?”
“Exactly what I said. I made a mistake. If you make a mistake, you should be punished. If you’re punished, you receive a penalty. Why aren’t you doing any of that?”
Saten’s words, though spoken by someone who had clearly erred, were undeniably true. Perhaps because of this, Lee Jun-woo couldn’t readily answer.
“…You’re right, Saten. But I still don’t intend to punish you.”
“Then… do you intend to continue treating us coldly?”
“…It’s not intentional.”
“Then, will things go back to the way they were-?”
“No.”
Lee Jun-woo interrupted her, his gaze fixed on the floor. His voice was low, tinged with an almost painful quality.
“I… need a little more time.”
“…How long?”
“I can’t give you a definite answer.”
Saten bit her lip, her normally held-high head drooping lower and lower.
“I… can’t feel emotions properly. So I can’t understand you.”
“Having emotions doesn’t mean you can understand everyone.”
“It would make understanding… easier. Mister, how many emotions can I currently feel?”
“There are many emotions, so it’s difficult to give an exact number, but broadly speaking… two.”
“…I see.”
Saten nodded in understanding and rose from her chair.
“I’ve learned everything I wanted to know. I also understand that you don’t want to answer my questions right now. So… I’ll… wait, as you said. Until your feelings are sorted out. I’ll wait.”
Saten bowed her head.
“I’m sorry for disturbing you at this late hour. I’m also sorry for trying to erase your memories. I was being selfish. I’ll be going now.”
“…Alright.”
Though her questions remained unanswered, Saten decided to leave. All she could do now was trust Mister and wait.
‘He’s not ready to forgive me yet.’
That thought stung.
Saten opened the door. Before she could fully exit, Lee Jun-woo spoke.
“It’s not your fault, Saten.”
“…Thank you for the lie, Mister.”
The gentle tone, the familiar warmth in his voice… Saten left the room, heading towards her own.
In the now-darkened room, Lee Jun-woo whispered to himself.
“If anyone is at fault… it’s me.”
In the darkness of the early morning, he recalled the conversation he’d had at the library.
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I hadn’t expected to be back at the library so soon. But here I was, sitting across from Minerva.
“Minerva.”
“…Yes.”
“I was right, wasn’t I?”
“…You were.”
If they were calling Estia a traitor, it meant Minerva had been on the side of erasing my memories. I was almost certain of it, but hearing it confirmed was still a shock. I settled into the chair, anticipating a long conversation.
“Why did you do it?”
“…Do what?”
“Why did you try to erase my memories using Estia?”
Estia’s abilities were limited to enhancing and strengthening with divine power. How could she possibly erase memories? I had realized that after learning the meaning of “traitor.”
Minerva avoided my gaze, mumbling defensively,
“Using her…? I simply gave her a choice… I presented an option that would benefit you…”
“Benefit me? Are you serious, Minerva?”
Minerva flinched at my sharp tone. She was clearly frightened.
“W-Why are you yelling…?”
“I’m not yelling. I’m asking. Why did you do it?”
“…You’re yelling.”
“Answer me.”
“Alright, alright! I’ll tell you…!”
Minerva squeezed her eyes shut and blurted out,
“Because… you’re much better off… without those memories! That’s why I tried to erase them! Are you satisfied…?”
“What? Are you serious-?”
“I’m serious! Why! What’s wrong with that! You don’t understand why I made that choice!”
Minerva, initially aware of her wrongdoing, grew increasingly indignant as she spoke. She finally exploded, her voice echoing through the library.
“You have no idea how many books I’ve read! You might as well quit being your Apostle! Why do you live like this?!”
“You have no right to-!”
“I’m not finished! Jun-woo, be honest! What did you plan to do after the Hero’s party defeated the Demon Lords? Did you think I wouldn’t know?”
“What…?”
“You were going to die! You planned to kill yourself after all the Demon Lords were defeated! Am I wrong?!”
Silence.
Minerva’s words hung heavy in the air.
‘I was hoping to keep that hidden… but I suppose a Goddess is a Goddess.’
I had been foolish to think I could deceive her. Minerva’s library contained virtually all the information in the world, excluding matters concerning the Demon Lords.
Seeing my silence, Minerva, exasperated, continued,
“Jun-woo, I know you. That’s why I tried to erase those memories… the ones that torment you.”
“Memories that torment me…?”
“Yes, the memories that are driving you to your death.”
Memories that torment me.
Memories that are driving me to my death.
Minerva agreed with them. That hurt more than anything.
“…Those memories aren’t tormenting me.”
“Yes they are, Jun-woo! They’re tormenting you and pushing you towards death! I read it all! I read every single book!”
Hanging himself.
Jumping from a high place.
After hearing that the Demon Lords had been defeated.
The books described Lee Jun-woo immediately acting on those impulses.
“You… you have no idea how it felt… reading those books…”
“And you have no idea what those memories mean to me.”
“I do… I know… and I still tried to erase them! I wanted to save you…!”
Minerva’s voice rose to a desperate cry, echoing through the vast library. Having read countless books about Lee Jun-woo, her reaction was understandable.
“It’s always Aina… Aina… That’s all that’s in your head! Living in the past! Obsessed with those memories! I thought it would lessen with the Hero’s party… but it’s the same! If you’re human, you should learn to let go! Why cling to them…!”
“…I can’t help it. What’s done is done.”
I understood Minerva. I knew how difficult it was to read those memories. I knew she was acting out of genuine concern.
‘If only emotions could be controlled…’
But emotions weren’t logical. They dictated actions regardless of logic. Eyes followed where they wanted, bodies moved without conscious thought. The mind fixated on happy memories, refusing to let go. Having experienced that myself, I understood why I couldn’t escape the past.
“I can’t erase something I already know. And even if those memories are painful… I can never erase them.”
“Why…? Is that better than dying…?”
“Yes.”
“W-What…?”
“I have no other choice.”
I made a promise.
I have to remember.
The story of my master, a lonely mage blessed with extraordinary talent.
The story that only I know.
“If I don’t remember Aina, who will?”
“…You’re crazy. Jun-woo, you’re crazy… Even though you’re my Apostle, you’re crazy… You’re obsessed with memories that hurt you…”
Minerva’s disgusted whisper hung in the air. I couldn’t deny it. I, too, knew I was obsessed.
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