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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Xrecker
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The old, firmly shut iron door slowly began to open. No matter how I thought about it, I felt I couldn’t just let Green go like this, so I had followed her, but I wasn’t certain I would be able to see her face again right away.
My expression, born of bewilderment at the unexpected situation, must have felt like a rejection of the sincerity she had conveyed after much thought.
A strong conviction that things could not return to normal if I let this go unresolved had led me to follow her. I didn’t have the luxury of worrying about getting back to work on time to maintain my cover as an office worker. I saw Green, who I felt had been improving, falter for a moment, and I knew she could collapse at any time.
“…….”
The door opened, and Green stood there with her head bowed. Her gaze was fixed on the floor, as if she couldn’t bring herself to look me in the eye. I could see her shoulders trembling slightly, and several boxes piled up in the living room.
“May I come in for a moment?”
“…Yes.”
Green, who didn’t lift her head even as she answered, nodded and took off her shoes at the entrance, heading inside. I followed her in and closed the door.
“Are you okay?”
I couldn’t see her face because her head was bowed, but I could tell she wasn’t looking well.
“Yes. I’m okay.”
We couldn’t tell what we were asking was okay, or what we were answering was okay. We just said what we could at that moment and gave the answers we could to those words.
The exchange of directionless words soon led to a situation where we didn’t know what to say, but I couldn’t just stand there and wait for Green to say something else.
It was no use saying that I hadn’t considered the possibility of Green liking me. She had confessed her feelings, and I had shown her an expression that must have felt like her hopes were being crushed.
Of course, not all confessions lead to a relationship. But since I had decided to face any sincerity that came my way, I had to face Green’s feelings with sincerity as well.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you with that expression. I was just a little surprised…”
As I spoke, I felt ridiculous. Surprised? I didn’t mean to hurt her?
For a moment, I thought, what a selfish person I am.
Why was I always a little late in realizing things? The reason I had made that face at Green’s confession wasn’t because I was surprised. I had, without realizing it, been hoping that Green, of all people, wouldn’t like me.
Having already gotten involved with four Hunter Killer members, a fifth was out of the question. This thought must have stemmed from the anxiety of not knowing when my identity would be revealed. If I had been thinking that way, I shouldn’t have formed any relationships beyond Yu-bin in the first place. No, not even forming a relationship with Yu-bin was the best way to keep my identity from being revealed.
In the end, while feeling anxious about what I had done, Green had become the target of my desire to lessen that responsibility. I was making a fine excuse.
That day I first had a relationship with Eun-ha. I thought I had made up my mind, but I still wasn’t ready to fully accept the responsibility for my actions. I felt so pathetic, and self-loathing was sprouting in my mind.
“No, it’s not that. It’s because I said something strange…”
Green’s voice cut in when I couldn’t continue. Green, her head bowed, was clutching the hem of her clothes with a trembling voice. She was like a cracked glass, ready to shatter at any moment.
“Strange? You told me you liked me. How could that be strange?”
I slowly extended my hand to take hers, but Green flinched and stepped back.
“It’s because I liked you selfishly, because I was only thinking of myself.”
Her voice trembled, contrary to her clear words.
“I’m sorry. It’s because of me.”
She apologized to me. Even though she had no reason to.
Her voice trembled, but her words were unwavering. That’s why a corner of my heart ached.
Her voice trembled with fear, but the lack of wavering in her words told me that what she was saying was sincere. Green truly felt that confessing her feelings for me was a wrong action.
“You were always so good to me and took care of me, so I thought it was okay to like you. But you were just helping me because you felt sorry for me.”
I wanted to tell her that wasn’t true. Our first meeting had been a coincidence, and there had been a purpose to our getting closer. And it was true that I had felt pity for her when I saw her situation. But I had never helped or taken care of Green just out of pity.
I was just concerned. I wanted to watch her, who was in a precarious state as if hanging from a cliff, change in a better environment. Because I would be the only one by her side to watch that change.
But I couldn’t say that right now. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, or couldn’t. I had to just listen to Green’s words for now.
I had to properly listen to Green’s true feelings, which seemed to have remained precarious even though I had thought she was getting better. To truly face the sincerity she had shown me.
“I’m sorry. The members always seemed so happy, so I thought it was okay for me to say it too…. I just wanted to be like everyone else. I didn’t know that was just me being selfish…”
Green’s voice trembled even more, and tears fell one by one from her bowed head. In the moments I was worrying about how not to get caught by the four women I was seeing, and how not to hurt them, Green must have been hurt by me.
Of course, she probably wouldn’t think of it as being hurt. The moment she sincerely confessed her feelings and our eyes met, she must have felt that all of this was her fault. The Green I knew was like that. She didn’t know how to be disappointed in others, didn’t know how to be hurt. She was someone who felt that the fault for everything that happened was her own.
Even knowing that, the moment I heard Green’s confession, I was worrying about what to do with my relationships with the others.
I already knew that our ending could not be a happy one. And even knowing that, even resolving to take responsibility even if danger came my way, I was still worrying about the danger that would come to me.
“So, from now on…”
Green’s trembling hand, clutching the hem of her clothes, became more pronounced, and she spoke, tears streaming down her face.
“I won’t like you anymore. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”
Liking someone is a freedom. No one can invade that freedom, and no one can judge it.
Of course, the result of that liking doesn’t always lead to a good ending. There are countless stars in the universe, and there are more living beings than stars, and as many hearts as living beings. And the results of those countless hearts are all different. There are positive results somewhere, and negative results somewhere, but everyone who has someone in their heart hopes for a positive result.
Green must be the same, and because I knew that, because I knew Green, I couldn’t bring myself to turn away from her feelings. The conclusion to my thoughts had already been reached. But I was afraid of the end that would come someday and was looking for another answer. One’s actions are followed by corresponding results.
She said no more and just sniffled, wiping away her tears.
I slowly, very slowly, reached out and caressed her cheek, making her lift her head. Eun-ha, who didn’t avoid my hand, lifted her head, tears streaming down her face.
“I’m sorry.”
“Ut, huk!”
Eun-ha, who grabbed my hand that was on her cheek, continued to cry. She probably thought that even my apology was because she had done something wrong. Eun-ha had done nothing wrong. She had only tried to live brightly and tried not to cause trouble for others.
Wasn’t it too cruel to take away even the ability to like someone from such a person?
“I don’t dislike you, Eun-ha. So, couldn’t you continue to like me?”
“…Pardon?”
My reflection was visible in her wide, wet eyes.
Eun-ha looked like she couldn’t find the right words to say.
She thought that liking me was wrong and that the only solution was to stop liking me. But the end she was facing was different from what she had thought.
I knew. I knew how hard a person named Kang Eun-ha lived, how much she endured, how much she tried. I could confidently say that I knew her better than anyone else in this world.
Even knowing, just by thinking for a moment, to some extent what she was thinking, I shouldn’t exist to avoid the sincere feelings she had shown me.
All the Hunter Killers were living diligently. This was my thought, not as Spacetroe versus Earth, but as human to human, and this thought was unwavering. If such people were giving their precious hearts to me, what problem would there be in sacrificing myself?
I didn’t know what kind of ending we would face, but it was certain that it would not be a good one. But because of me, the five women could be happy until that end came. Wasn’t that what I had resolved to do?
“Do you dislike me?”
“N-no! I don’t dislike you…”
“Then?”
Eun-ha was about to answer but hesitated. She probably couldn’t forget the look in my eyes when she had confessed her true feelings. But I was looking at her with eyes that said I wanted her sincerity, and Green, her face flushed, perhaps from crying or from the current situation, slowly opened her mouth.
“…I like you.”
A smile automatically spread across my lips at her answer, and I hugged her, who was standing there looking at me.
“!!”
I could feel Eun-ha flinch the moment I hugged her. She was stiff in my arms for a moment, but she soon relaxed and, after her hands hung awkwardly in the air, she hugged me back.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’d rather hear you say you like me than that you’re sorry.”
I hugged her, who had made a habit of apologizing, a little tighter and said. Eun-ha, in my arms, nodded as soon as she heard my words.
“Okay.”
It wasn’t that I intended to hear her say she liked me more right away. It was just a concise answer to what I had said, but that one answer told me that my feelings had reached her.
“Why are you crying like that? You haven’t done anything wrong.”
I released the hug and wiped away the tears flowing down her cheeks.
“Uk, huk!”
She tried her best to hold back her tears, but she couldn’t stop them from flowing. She hugged me and soon began to cry endlessly. The suppressed emotions she had been holding back burst out. While Eun-ha, who had endured so much to not cause trouble for others, to not rely on them, cried loudly in my arms, I just held her without saying anything.
After a long time, Eun-ha seemed to have calmed down and was sitting quietly on the sofa. I sat next to her and looked at the boxes piled up in the living room.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Yes, I’m okay now.”
Eun-ha answered in a small voice, her hands resting on her neatly gathered knees. I took her hand. She flinched and looked at me, and when our eyes met, I smiled at her.
As if relieved by my smile, Eun-ha smiled back.
“But what are all these boxes?”
“Ah! I have to move, so I packed my things.”
Eun-ha was moving; that was news to me. It wasn’t entirely unexpected. Her father was in a detention center awaiting trial, and when he was released, he would come home, so of course, it was better for Eun-ha to move. But I didn’t know specifically when she would move, and I had thought she would tell me when the plan was set.
In fact, our relationship was such that I couldn’t really say anything even if she didn’t tell me, but I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed.
But thinking about Eun-ha, that disappointment quickly vanished. Eun-ha, who already thought she had received a lot of help from me, had clearly not told me about the move because she thought it would look like she was asking for my help.
But the moving date was gradually approaching, and the thought that it would be difficult to meet in the future if she couldn’t tell me had led to her confession.
Now the pieces were starting to fit together.
“So when are you moving?”
“……Tomorrow.”
I was taken aback. In a different way from when I heard her confession, I was very taken aback. No, it made more sense to think that Eun-ha had confessed in a hurry because she was moving tomorrow.
As I sat there silently looking at the piled-up boxes, Eun-ha, growing anxious, continued.
“I was going to come and move after the meeting, and then tell you…”
She probably wouldn’t have had the confidence to tell me she was moving then. She must have said it thinking she shouldn’t tell me she wasn’t going to say anything.
I could tell how anxious she was from the trembling of her hand, which I was holding. And once I faced her feelings, every one of her actions felt cute.
“I understand. I’ll help you tomorrow.”
“What?! No, it’s okay. I can do it myself. If it’s because of me again…!”
Not wanting to hear any more of her words, I approached her and pressed my lips against hers.
Eun-ha’s eyes widened, and she froze like a robot that had been turned off.
“It’s okay for me to help, right?”
I asked after pulling my lips away, and Eun-ha, her face flushed and her expression a little dazed, looked at me and nodded.
“Yes.”
Now that I had her confirmation, let’s help Eun-ha move tomorrow.
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