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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Xrecker
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I received Green’s text and left the headquarters, arriving at the park. I sat there quietly, waiting for her who had not yet arrived. I decided to properly discuss the birthday gift I would give to Green, whose birthday was yesterday. Usually, birthday gifts are given after knowing about the birthday in advance, but I had just found out yesterday, and since I didn’t have the sense to prepare a gift, I decided to ask her directly rather than make a clumsy assumption.
I waited for her arrival, looking at the tree she had been staring at from the bench, and soon, I turned my head at the familiar presence I felt in the distance. My eyes met with Green, who was walking slowly towards me. She flinched and seemed to avert her gaze for a moment, but then she approached me with a strangely confident stride.
“Ah, hello.”
“Yes, hello.”
We exchanged greetings with a smile, but for some reason, Green seemed very tense today.
“It’s quite hot, isn’t it?”
“No! Yes!”
“Pardon?”
“No, I mean, yes. It’s hot.”
Should I say she was tense? She was nervous, and I could clearly feel her unexplainable tension.
Green, after a moment of observation, sat down on the bench. She was so obviously nervous that I missed the timing to bring up the birthday gift, and a brief silence hung between us.
“Have you been waiting long?”
“No, I just got here.”
“I see…”
An awkwardness that was nowhere to be found in our usual, problem-free conversations now hung between us. I couldn’t bring myself to ask Green what was wrong, as she seemed like a balloon on the verge of popping.
Moreover, the atmosphere was such that I felt I should wait for her to speak first.
“How was today?”
“Pardon?!”
I asked about the meeting atmosphere as usual, but the tense Green hadn’t thought that far and was startled by the sound of my voice. She turned her head towards me, then averted her gaze the moment our eyes met.
“I was just wondering how things were with your teammates today…”
“Ah, it was good.”
This wasn’t working. I didn’t know why Green was so nervous, but if this atmosphere continued, I felt like I would suffocate.
“Is there anything you want?”
I felt I wouldn’t be able to bring up the gift today if I waited for the right timing, so I just brought it up without any thought. Green, who had been avoiding my gaze, glanced at me.
“Something I want?”
She seemed to have no idea that I was talking about her birthday from yesterday, and her eyes showed that she didn’t understand my intention.
“It was your birthday yesterday. I didn’t get you anything, so if there’s anything you want…”
“No! It’s okay!”
Green, startled as if she had been shocked, hastily waved her hands. Yesterday, too, she had adamantly refused until she finally asked to hold hands. It seemed it would be difficult to get her to directly say what gift she wanted.
If I kept asking, it would just be a repetition of me asking and her refusing. From here on, I had to figure it out on my own, but even with my good intuition, it was difficult to find what she needed right away.
“I understand. You don’t have to be so surprised.”
The tense Green’s expression hardened even more at the mention of a gift. I smiled at her as usual and spoke comfortably, and only then did the tension in Green’s face ease a little.
From here, it was a matter of choice. Should I ask Green what was wrong? Or should I wait for her to speak? If things continued like this, lunch break would end, and I wouldn’t be able to hear anything today, and the situation would just end. But I had a feeling that shouldn’t happen.
First, let’s think about why Green was nervous. Seeing her tense in front of me as if she was about to say something, it didn’t seem like anything had happened with her members. If it were something with her members, she would have a worried expression rather than a tense one.
Then she must be trying to say something important to me. I hadn’t done much, but with the big event of her birthday yesterday, I couldn’t think of anything big enough to make her this tense.
What could it be? What on earth could it be?
As I was deep in thought, I looked at her, and our eyes met again. Green quickly averted her gaze.
“Um…”
“Excuse me!”
In the seemingly endless situation, I was about to say something, anything, when she called out to me in a tense voice. Our voices overlapped, and Green turned her head to look at me.
“You first.”
I let Green go first, but having made up her mind to speak, her momentum was broken when our words overlapped, and she became tongue-tied again.
“Um, can I talk a little later?”
“Yes, that’s fine.”
It seemed better to wait patiently than to rush her. I didn’t know what she was going to say, but it seemed to require a great deal of resolve.
Thinking so, I started to get nervous myself. What on earth was Green going to say that was making her so tense? Had a major problem arisen with her family, and was she going to talk about that?
If that were the case, it would be better for her to tell me without feeling sorry, but that was just my guess.
“After I went in for lunch yesterday…”
I talked to Green as usual, embellishing what had happened at headquarters as a typical work story. Of course, I left out the Spacetroe information and only talked about anecdotes with my colleagues. Green, who had no experience with ordinary society, always listened to my stories with interest.
I thought that if I talked as usual, she might relax a little, so I started talking without minding her tension. I occasionally checked her reaction, but Green, who always listened to my stories with great interest, couldn’t concentrate on my story today.
Still, I decided to wait and talked about an anecdote with Kruger, embellishing it a bit as if I were gossiping.
“I like you!”
“……Pardon?”
I was at a loss for words at her sudden, direct statement. Like me? What? Did she like the story I was telling?
For a moment, I couldn’t grasp her intention. And it didn’t take long for me to understand what she had said.
Unable to hide my bewildered expression, I turned to look at her. My expression was reflected in Green’s trembling eyes, and without realizing it, I thought, “Why?” and looked at her, unable to control my expression properly.
It wasn’t intentional from the beginning, but I was now in a close relationship with 4 out of the 5 Hunter Killer members. To put it mildly, a close relationship; to be blunt, I was dating all four of them at the same time.
Because of this situation, I couldn’t help but think about Green, and I had come to the conclusion that “Green is not an option.” It was by no means that I disliked Green that I had made this choice.
All the Hunter Killer members were good people, and of course, that included Green.
Having learned about her family situation before the other members, I didn’t want to put her in an environment that would stimulate her emotionally.
It wasn’t that I didn’t care for the others. But I thought that Green, at least, shouldn’t be tied to me in a romantic relationship. The moment my identity was revealed, everyone would be hurt, but I didn’t think there was anyone who could handle the damage that would go to Green. Above all, the moment my identity was revealed would mean a situation where I could no longer help Green.
It might just be an excuse. I might have felt that after getting involved with four members, I couldn’t get involved with the last one. No, I probably did feel that way.
The number wasn’t important. The important thing was that Spacetroe and Hunter Killer were enemies, that I was Spacetroe and they were Hunter Killer. I knew it was too late, but I was still arbitrarily judging that I shouldn’t get involved with the last person.
I was lost in thought, and just as I was wondering what to say, I realized that she had spoken and I had been silent for a while.
I belatedly looked up at Green, but her trembling eyes were already on the floor.
“……I’m sorry.”
There was no more tension in her voice. But a heavy weight, far beyond tension, had settled in.
“No, you don’t have to be sorry…”
“I’m sorry for saying something unnecessary. I…”
A moment of silence. My lack of response after hearing her words, and the bewildered expression I had shown her, had shaken her to the core.
I had to say something. But what? That I liked her too?
The moment I heard her, I had thought, “Why?” How could I say that when I hadn’t even sorted out my own thoughts? It wouldn’t be an action born of feeling, but of pity.
You shouldn’t treat someone’s sincere feelings with pity. There was no pity in the process of me getting involved with the four women, including Su-a. I might have felt a fleeting moment of pity, but there was no pity in my resolve to take responsibility for my actions.
“I’ll be going now…”
“Eun-ha!”
I called out to her as she turned and ran, but Green didn’t look back and ran hastily to her house. If it had been anyone else, I would have chased after her. But because it was Green, whom I hadn’t expected at all, I didn’t know how to move.
After receiving the members’ encouragement and making up my mind, I gained the confidence to convey my feelings. So I hadn’t noticed that my confidence was excessive.
Oppa was an amazing person. He met with me, whom he had met by chance at the park, every time and talked to me, and he extended a helping hand to me when I was in a difficult situation.
I fell for him. It felt like a ray of light had appeared to me, who had seen no hope, just like the morning sun coming into a dark room. I felt like I had become a special person too.
I had forgotten. And seeing his bewildered expression after he heard my words brought me back to reality. The special person wasn’t me, it was oppa. The reason he helped me wasn’t because I was special, but because he was a kind and good person. I was just there by chance.
I had forgotten that obvious fact.
The moment our eyes met, I realized. I couldn’t.
By conveying my sincere feelings, I had bewildered him, and his thoughts would surely become complicated. I had confused him, who had helped me with a warm heart.
I only cause trouble for others. I had forgotten that in the face of the members’ encouragement and his kindness. And the thought that I didn’t have much time left before the move had rushed me.
If I moved, we wouldn’t be able to see each other anymore. There would be no reason for him to come all the way to a place far from his company because of me. So I wanted to make things clear this time. Thinking only of my own feelings, I hadn’t considered him, who had helped and taken care of me, at all.
“Ut, huk, heuk!”
I came home and slumped against the closed door. I felt so pathetic.
I hated myself for thinking I had become a special person just because of his kindness.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”
It was my fault. I had rushed myself and ruined everything.
I probably couldn’t go back to the way things were. If only I could turn back time, I wanted to go back to before I gained confidence. No, maybe it would be better to go back to before I met him.
Then he wouldn’t have to worry about me, and I wouldn’t cause him any trouble. Wouldn’t it have been better if I hadn’t been born in this world? Then my mom and dad might have lived a happy life.
Everything was ruined because of me. I had ruined everyone. I couldn’t do anything without someone’s help. I was a worthless human being.
“Huk, uk! Huk!”
I had to apologize. For relying on his kindness, for liking him without permission, for bewildering him.
Even if I moved and everything ended, I had to apologize. But would he see me?
It would be awkward to meet him now, so would I be able to meet him again and apologize?
If I couldn’t turn back time, I hoped he would give me one last chance to apologize.
I knew now. That I wasn’t special, that I was just a burden, that I couldn’t…
Being with him felt good, made me laugh, and was enjoyable. And the moment I realized again that I was a helpless being was so painful, and I was sorry that such a helpless me had been relying on him.
“I’m sorry…”
Only sobs and unheard apologies were coming out of my mouth.
It was over now.
It’s okay. The light that had briefly brightened was just going out again.
It was just going back to the way it was.
“Eun-ha.”
I lifted my head from my knees at the voice from outside the door.
At the familiar voice, I stood up and took a step back, staring at the firmly closed door, wondering if I had heard things.
“It’s me. A. Are you in there?”
Why? Why did he come?
I had bewildered him.
Even though I felt I had realized my own situation again, just by hearing his voice from behind the door, I felt happiness on the one hand, and anxiety on the other.
What if he was angry? What if he cursed at me? What if he hit me?
I knew he wasn’t that kind of person. But if that happened, I would just listen to the curses and not resist if he hit me. Then maybe his anger would subside a little.
Let’s accept it all. It was my fault.
“Yes…”
“Can I see you for a moment?”
I answered in a trembling voice, and his voice came again.
This might be the last time. No matter what, let’s apologize properly.
With that resolve, I grabbed the doorknob with a trembling hand.
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