I Became the Academy’s Time-Stopping Villain – Chapter 22

Chapter 22: Do You Want to Have Sex With Me?

Translated by Vine
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Utmost devotion. The most sincere devotion. Sincere devotion moves heaven.

“Zzzzz….”
“…Ugh.”

I think this is the perfect situation to use that phrase.
I looked at the recovering Mars and dusted off my hands. I didn’t need to check the time. The sun was rising. I had been nursing her all night, from sunset to sunrise.

I gave her medicine (mouth-to-mouth).
I fed her porridge (mouth-to-mouth).
I cut the bandages in half, soaked one in water to clean her body, and used the other to wrap the ground herbs around her wounds. I even played [Ur‘s Harp] to stack buffs on her.

Her stats were probably the highest among the cadets right now. Thanks to the reduced stress, her recovery was noticeably faster. The dark circles under her eyes were gone, and she seemed to have gained a little weight. I even cleaned her wounds with clean water to prevent infection. It was truly the utmost devotion. …Speaking of utmost devotion,

[My butt… is itchy……]

[….Seriously?]

“….Haaaa…..”

Taking care of bodily functions in the wild is difficult. I had brought tissues, so I was fine, but Mars seemed to have reached her limit. She woke up in the middle of the night and asked me to wipe her butt.

“It’s better not to think about it.”

I wiped her, imagining it was a heroine’s butt, but honestly, her underwear, soaked in sweat and fermented for five days, was a biohazard. I was expecting some exciting developments, but I didn’t expect my brain, not my heart, to be pounding. And it wasn’t even pounding, it was throbbing. Typical Mars.

She ruined even the appeal of a heroine’s butt. And the way she smiled after I finished wiping was ridiculous.

“Well, at least she’s much better now.”

The all-nighter was worth it. I stroked Mars‘s hair and continued playing [Ur‘s Harp]. She was recovering, but she still needed more healing.

Morning of the 5th day. There wasn’t much of a breakfast. Just reheating the leftover porridge. I stoked the fire and warmed the porridge.

“…..Sniff… sniff….”

“Oh, you’re awake?”

Her internal clock must be working. She woke up as soon as I started preparing food. I ladled the porridge into a bowl and approached Mars.

“….Chrono.”

“Yeah.”

I offered her the bowl.

“Eat.”

“…..Okay.”

She didn’t resist much. Her reaction was also a bit subdued. Was she still feeling unwell? Or maybe she’s just not a morning person. I hadn’t seen her exercising in the morning.

“*Munch*….. hot!”

She took a bite without thinking and spat it out, sticking out her tongue. Who eats freshly boiled porridge like that? Fortunately, she didn’t ask me to blow on it and started cooling it herself.

“…Delicious.”

“Really?”

She was enjoying the porridge even though the only seasoning was the leftover gochujang. It’s better to keep the food bland for a patient, but this was my food that I was sharing. Be grateful that I’m even sharing my food.

“………?”

Mars, who had been eating the porridge, suddenly tilted her head, as if something was strange.

“This tastes… familiar…”

“…………”

“…..Hey.”

“…………”

I ignored her. I don’t know anything.

“…No way, right?”

“…………”

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

“Ha…. fuck….”

“………Tsk.”

As she woke up, her memories seemed to be returning. First, her lips, then her arms, shoulders, waist, thighs, and finally──her butt.

“….Chrono.”

“What?”

Mars asked me,

“Is this all a dream? Yeah, it has to be a dream. There’s no other explanation.”

“…?”

Her thoughts seemed to be going in a strange direction. Unable to accept reality, Mars resorted to escapism.

“I know my own condition. There’s no way I could have recovered this much in a day. Unless someone healed me with holy magic like Juno, no, even if Juno was here, it would be impossible. And you’re telling me a guy who can only use a gun and a dagger did this? If you could do that, you would have done it back in the dungeon.”

“Oh…..”

Her reasoning was sound. The problem was that her conclusion was “This is all a dream!” What am I supposed to do with her?

“This is the most realistic dream I’ve ever had. Well, except for the time I met Lord Ares. That was truly… amazing…”

Mars rambled on, as if unable to tolerate even a moment of silence. If she stopped talking, even for a second, she would have to face reality. I silently cleared the bowl and took out a chocolate bar from my bag.

“Want some?”

“Is this… that thing from before?”

She rummaged through her pockets and pulled out an empty chocolate bar wrapper.

“Wow…! Even this detail is reproduced in my dream.”
She smiled and ate the chocolate bar I gave her. After finishing it, she got out of the tent, stretched, and swung her greatsword a few times. Then, she slowly turned the blade towards me──why are you pointing that at me?

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“Let’s spar.”

“Get lost.”

You ungrateful woman. Repaying kindness with hostility, just like Lü Bu.

“Why not! It’s a dream! We can spar in a dream!”

“It’s not a dream.”

“Wow… you’re really you even in my dreams. Or is it because I think of you that way?”

“What are you talking about?”

Mars mumbled something and pointed her finger at me.

“You, spar with me!”

“………..”

“Sparsparsparsparsparsparsparspar──”

“──Sex.”

“………”

Why?
Do you think you’re the only one who can do that?

“Sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex──”

“──Gah, aaaaaah!!!”

Her face turned red, and she lunged at me, covering my mouth with both hands and panting.

“Why… why? What the hell is going on?”

Her eyes trembled. Then, she said,

“I… want to have sex with this guy… more than sparring?”

“…………..”

Are you still going with the ‘dream’ setting?
I watched in disbelief as Mars continued her ridiculous act.

“Why would I want to… with this weakling… well, he did beat me once, but…”

“He’s been kind to me, gave me gifts…”

“He stayed with me. He helped me in the dungeon…”

“…….Am I so fond of him that I’m even dreaming about him…?”

‘Ugh, seriously…!’

This is making me dizzy.

“Do I really…? No, that… that’s possible, but I don’t think so, but I can’t say for sure…”

How many negations is that? Mars blushed and fidgeted like a shoujo manga heroine. I figured this would go on forever, so I stuck out my tongue.

Lick.

“Hee….!”

“So salty.”

Of course, her hand wouldn’t taste good. Mars stepped back and grabbed the hand I had licked.

“….What are you?”

“What is?”

“Chrono wouldn’t do this.”

“Who was the one acting like Lü Bu?”

“Hey! I wasn’t acting like Lü Bu!”

“I fed you, bandaged you, gave you the antidote myself, I even wiped your ass, and you pulled a knife on me and asked for a spar? Isn’t that acting like Lü Bu?”

“……………..”

She seemed to realize that something was very wrong. I smiled and said,

“This isn’t a dream, idiot.”

“…..Noooooooooooo!!!”

Thump! Thump! Crash!!!

She headbutted a nearby tree with all her might, followed by a shoulder tackle and another headbutt.

Crack… crackle…..

“….Whoa!”

She completely snapped the tree in half. Still embarrassed, she screamed again and lunged at me──oh, for fuck’s sake.

“It’s a dream! Tell me it’s a dream!!!”

“Cough….!”

“Tell me it’s a dreeaaaaaaaaaam!!!”

“───…!!”

Let go of my neck, you idiot….!!
I managed to reach out and tap between her biceps and triceps, and she flinched and backed away.

“…I’m not an easy woman, you know?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“…………”

“Just wipe your own ass from now on.”

“Hey!!!”

Mars yelled. Finally accepting that it wasn’t a dream and that I had nursed her all night, she quietly sat next to me and stared.

Tap, tap, tap!

“Oh my… this is difficult.”

Regardless, I kept playing [Ur‘s Harp], stacking buffs, just in case.

Ding♬

[C Chord – Expert]
[Full Combo]
[All Perfect]
[76,261 (SS)]

“Ah….!”

Mars clenched and unclenched her fists in surprise. She slowly looked at me, then at the keyboard in my hands, and asked,

“You… when did you start playing this?”

“Last night? After you collapsed.”

“….You didn’t sleep at all?”

“I wasn’t sleepy, so I played around with it.”

I had taken a long nap, so I wasn’t tired. I played the keyboard, spaced out, and stared at the fire when I felt sleepy.

“…………..”

Mars became unusually quiet. I started playing another song. The only sound in the forest was the clicking of keys.

“Tha….nk you.”

“Huh?”

Mars said,

“Thank you…. you idiot.”

“….Is that a compliment or an insult?”

“Both.”

Idiot. Mars pouted and buried her face in her knees. Seeing such a large girl like that caused some cognitive dissonance. ‘Just ignore it.’

It’s better not to mind these things. I continued playing the keyboard. Ah, I think I can get a perfect clear on this one too…

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to have sex with me?”

“…………”

Miss!

[D Chord – Expert]
[Fail…..]

“Fuck.”

What the hell was that?!

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