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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Xrecker
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My mother walked out when I was just a kid. At first, I thought she simply didn’t want to be with my father anymore. Later, I learned about the affair but that wasn’t the real reason. The real reason she had left was because of me.
I started experiencing changes in my body when I was in elementary school, and my parents realized I was becoming a superhuman. After that, my mother started leaving the house more often and sometimes wouldn’t come home at all.
I’d hide under my blanket and listen to my parents arguing in the living room, unable to sleep at night.
Our family had been happy before I became a superhuman. Both my parents worked, so I spent a lot of time alone, but we always had lively conversations during dinner. My father wasn’t like this back then.
When the changes started manifesting, people in white coats came to take me away. My parents were still arguing, their voices raised, and I was taken away without a word, put into a car with the people in white coats.
I returned home six months later. I’d been living at a research facility during that time, and when I came back, my mother was gone.
That’s when my father changed. He started drinking more heavily, and I rarely saw him sober.
When I was in middle school, my father was fired from his job for causing a major incident, and we lost our primary source of income. He continued drinking, blaming me for everything, for my mother leaving, for his job loss, and he hit me for the first time.
The physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain, the feeling of something shattering inside me.
“My life is ruined because of you! Do you understand?!”
His words made me realize I was the source of their unhappiness.
That everything was my fault.
“Hello, my name is Kang Eun-ha.”
During my first month of high school, I couldn’t say anything other than greetings. I was afraid of interacting with people, afraid I’d cause them harm, afraid of hurting them just by existing.
My classmates, sensing my distance, avoided me, and I’d come home from school to find my father drinking.
“There’s no more alcohol!”
He’d hit me when we ran out of alcohol. I didn’t have the money to buy alcohol, and I wasn’t old enough to buy it legally.
So, I started working. I took on part-time jobs that I could do as a high school student, earning money, and I tried to stay out of sight, afraid of causing trouble.
I worked at factories during summer break and worked almost every waking hour outside of school during the semester.
“Where have you been gallivanting? What? Are you planning to leave me, too, you little bitch?!”
I’d endure his insults and give him my paycheck every month. He’d take the money and drink, then hit me.
But it was okay. It was my fault he was like this, and if I just endured it, he wouldn’t be any more unhappy.
If I left him, he’d have nothing left. If I just endured it, everything would be okay.
In my third year of high school, people from the Earth Defense Alliance came to see me. They asked if I was interested in working for them, and I asked if it paid, and they said they offered performance-based compensation. The prospect of a stable job, not just another part-time gig, appealed to me, and I started working as a Hunter Killer, dedicating myself to the job after graduating from high school.
I didn’t go to university. I didn’t have anything I wanted to study, and earning money to support my family was more important.
My income was lower than when I was juggling multiple part-time jobs, and after paying taxes and bills, there was barely any money left for alcohol.
My father would curse and hit me when there was no money for alcohol, but I no longer felt the emotional pain. I only felt the burning sensation on my cheeks and the aches in my arms and legs. And after that, I rarely went home.
After my Hunter Killer duties, I’d sit in the park, spending hours doing nothing. I considered getting another job, but I didn’t want to burden Red, knowing the other Hunter Killer members already rarely attended meetings.
No, that was just an excuse. I just didn’t want to work any harder, knowing it wouldn’t change anything, that my father would still hit me.
I turned 22. It wasn’t a particularly hot summer. Perhaps because of that, my father wasn’t home when I went back. But I still didn’t want to go home.
Everything felt increasingly difficult. The Hunter Killer salary wasn’t great, and I wasn’t close to my teammates. The only good thing was our high performance.
Red and Pink seemed to be getting along lately, and I wanted to join their conversations. I’d been attending every meeting, so I figured I could at least try to talk to them.
But initiating a conversation was incredibly difficult for me, someone who’d never had friends or any social experiences, even in high school.
What should I say?
Would they think I was weird?
Would they dislike me?
Every time I had these thoughts, my father’s insults echoed in my mind. And I came to a conclusion. It was better for me to remain silent. That way, I wouldn’t burden or hurt anyone.
I sat in the park, lost in thought, and my heart felt heavy.
“Sigh…”
As I sighed, I heard another sigh beside me and turned my head. A man with black hair and black eyes was sitting there.
I’d been coming to this park for years, but I’d never seen him before.
“Hello.”
We exchanged awkward greetings. It had been a while since I’d greeted anyone.
I hadn’t expected the conversation to continue, but he suddenly mentioned the weather. I responded, but every word I uttered felt awkward.
“The wind must be nice.”
I envied the wind. It blew freely, going wherever it pleased, without judgment or reprimand.
A gentle breeze existed without causing harm.
I blurted out my thoughts without thinking, then immediately regretted it. Was it because it had been so long since I’d had a proper conversation? I’d said something completely random.
Then he left. Perhaps because I was nervous, meeting someone new after so long, I felt deflated as I was left alone again. I took a deep breath and went home.
I went to the park again the next day, but he wasn’t there. He probably thought I was weird. If I ever saw him again, could I have a proper conversation with him? Or would I forever be someone unable to connect with others?
I went home, my heart heavy with worry, and found my father drinking in the living room. He yelled at me for not having any money and hit me. I no longer felt the pain; it was just a fleeting sensation.
He hit me again the following day.
It was my fault he was like this, so I could endure it. If I just endured it, everything would be okay. Everything…
My father left in the afternoon, and I went to the park. Spending time there had become my routine.
It was late, but I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t want to go home. I just wanted to sit there, like always, letting the silence swallow me. Thinking hurt too much.
And then he appeared.
I wondered if he’d thought I was strange after our last encounter and didn’t know what to say.
“It’s cool today.”
He responded to my first, hesitant words, and we started talking.
He said he worked at a company near the park. I couldn’t tell him I was a Hunter Killer, so I just said I was also a working professional.
As we talked, I found myself telling him about my difficulties connecting with my teammates, and he, a complete stranger, offered me advice. Even though this might be our last encounter, he listened attentively and helped me think through my problems.
I went home, feeling encouraged by his advice, and found my father drunk and asleep in the living room. The apartment was a mess, and as I started cleaning, a thought crossed my mind.
‘Is it okay for me… to have friends?’
I’d never positively influenced anyone; I’d only caused harm. Was I allowed to want friends? My cheek, where my father had hit me earlier, throbbed, but the dull ache in my chest was far more painful.
I’d had my first real conversation with my teammates. They didn’t seem to dislike me, and we talked normally, so normally that I was proud of myself.
I realized I could connect with people, too.
Red and Pink seemed to have boyfriends. Maybe I could have deeper conversations with them, too, if I ever found someone.
The excitement of our conversation and the anticipation of future interactions were overwhelming. I wanted to tell A about it.
And when I went to the park, he was there, at his usual spot.
Was my happiness that obvious? A immediately sensed my mood, and I excitedly told him about my conversation with Red and Pink, enjoying every moment.
A’s advice had worked, and I’d had a proper conversation with my teammates. And now I was telling A about it. I was having a normal conversation without even realizing it.
A week passed, and it was duel day. I’d enjoyed talking with my teammates, but our encounter with Team Guerrilla after work dampened my mood. Everyone was surprised to see the usually quiet Yellow take down Indigo, which became another fun story to share.
I went to the park and told A about the Team Guerrilla incident. He listened attentively. I felt like we’d become much closer in the past week, but I didn’t know how he felt.
Meeting at the park had become an unspoken routine, but he might still see me as just a casual acquaintance.
Perhaps because I hadn’t been hit by my father in a week and because my improved relationship with my teammates had given me some breathing room, I had a thought, a thought I’d never had before: I wanted to go somewhere.
I’d never had any social experiences; I wanted to have fun, just once.
“Where should we go?”
“Huh?”
Time seemed to stop when I heard A’s question.
Having said it, I was stunned by my own audacity and quickly apologized to Green, waving my hands dismissively.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”
I wasn’t sure if I’d spoken out of a desire to go somewhere myself or out of a desire to offer a tired-looking Green a chance to relax, but either way, it was a suspicious suggestion.
Suggesting a casual outing after just a week of park conversations? It was so obviously a pick-up line that I was mortified.
Had my interactions with Yu-bin and Yu-ra given me some unwarranted confidence? I cringed, thinking about how embarrassed I’d be tomorrow morning.
“No, it’s okay.”
Green, also flustered, replied with an awkward smile, and I knew this would be our last meeting.
Regardless of my intentions, the suggestion itself was suspect, and the situation had become irrevocably awkward.
“Everyone wants to go somewhere sometimes.”
Green’s attempt to comfort me only made me feel worse. She smiled at me, then turned away and looked at the trees swaying in the wind.
“I do want to go somewhere.”
I didn’t know why, but she seemed to be gauging my reaction. Had she taken my suggestion seriously? But I hadn’t thought it through either, so I couldn’t think of anything specific to say, and I finally managed to squeeze out another sentence.
“Is there anywhere you want to go?”
Green froze at my question, as if stunned, her eyes wide, staring into space, then she let out a hollow laugh.
“I wonder… where did I want to go?”
“Don’t you have anything you want to do?”
“I don’t know…”
She didn’t know where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do.
Green, lost in thought, tried to come up with an answer, but nothing came to mind, and the silence stretched on.
“The first place I went when I arrived in Korea was an amusement park.”
I didn’t think she’d find an answer just by thinking, so I shared a memory. The first place I’d gone with my colleagues after arriving in Korea, for “research,” was an amusement park in Seoul.
It had been more of a group outing than actual research.
As I reminisced, I excitedly described the rides and the food, and Green’s eyes lit up as she listened.
My voice rose as I talked about the roller coaster, and Green seemed to experience the thrill vicariously. I described the night scenery, the colorful parade, the various shows… she listened intently, as if transported to the amusement park through my words.
“I want to go there.”
Green finally spoke, and I stopped talking and looked at her.
While it wasn’t a decision she’d come up with on her own, she was genuinely interested after hearing my story. So, should I take her to the amusement park?
I couldn’t tell her to go with someone else, even though she was the enemy. And I doubted she’d go with anyone else anyway.
“Then should we go tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow?”
“We can go another day if you have plans.”
“No! It’s okay. I want to go.”
“…Then let’s meet here at 10 AM tomorrow.”
“Okay!”
Green, much more cheerful than a week ago, replied enthusiastically, and her excitement made me look forward to tomorrow as well.
“Then I should go home and get ready.”
I stood up, and Green followed suit.
We said goodbye and headed home, our hearts filled with anticipation for tomorrow.
I was a bundle of nerves as I prepared, starting last night.
I, someone who’d never had a social outing, was finally going to have fun.
Unsure of what to do, I carefully packed my bag and checked the time repeatedly, waiting for the appointed time.
My father wasn’t home this morning, so I could leave without any problems.
I decided to leave a little early and wait, a feeling of anticipation I’d never experienced before filling me as I opened the door.
And in that moment, I was reminded once again. I was a burden, a source of pain.
Just as I reached for the doorknob, the door opened from the other side.
“Dad…”
My father, drunk, stood there.
…Why had I thought I could be normal?
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