Absolutely Do Not Touch ELdmia Egga – Chapter 130

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Yuziro
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Emerging from the large circus-like tent, I dragged the still-invisible figure behind me, searching the encampment for a tent that looked like it might belong to someone in charge.

I wasn’t searching with any real leads.

The people caged hadn’t offered any information.

I simply couldn’t stand the oppressive atmosphere of the place and left, hoping to find something useful while wandering around.

The only sounds in the quiet night air were my footsteps and the rustling of the invisible figure I was dragging, creating an ambiance reminiscent of a serial killer disposing of a body.

But since there were no witnesses, I didn’t bother to care.

After a short while, I ran into Asirye again.

She looked at the invisible figure I was dragging with a puzzled expression.

“Eldi? What are you dragging?” she asked.

“An invisible person. They were hiding in that tent.”

“Ah! How did you even find them? Wait, I think dispel might work.”

“They also seemed to have cast a noise suppression spell. Will that be lifted too?”

“Yes. It disrupts the flow of externally applied magic, preventing it from functioning. Unless they took other measures, it should all be dispelled.”

I’d been dragging the person around because I didn’t know how to dispel sustained magic.

Buff-type magic felt like an extra layer of skin, and I couldn’t quite grasp it.

Thanks to Asirye, I could save myself the trouble.

Asirye cast the dispel, and an ordinary-looking man appeared.

I scanned his face, which looked to be around thirty, but he wasn’t anyone I recognized.

“Mister. Wake up. The Grim Reaper is calling,” I said, slapping his cheek three times with even rhythm and speed.

He stirred, his eyes half-open.

“Where… Where am I…? Aaaaagh! Monster!”

“A slave trader calling someone else a monster? And where do you see a monster this handsome? You’re the real monster, spawned by society,” I retorted.

“Aaaaagh! I won’t be fooled by your human disguise! Help! Someone help me! A monster disguised as a human…!”

“Are you insane?! You kidnap, imprison, and forge documents to sell innocent people as slaves, and you have the audacity to call someone else a monster?!”

I had intended to listen patiently, but I couldn’t endure it any longer.

I deactivated my mana and started stomping on him with all my might.

Asirye joined in, her fury equally ignited.

“How dare you, a mere human hunter, call someone else a monster?! You’re the monster!” she yelled.

“Aaaaagh! An elf?! Why is an elf here?!”

The man, initially focused on me, panicked further as the stomping feet doubled.

But what he needed now wasn’t a rational conversation, but two minutes of pure hatred.

Not only did he fail to recognize a normal person, calling them a monster, but he also had the nerve to ask for help after committing such atrocities!

“Aaaaagh! Stop! Stoooop! Please! Spare me!” he begged.

“That depends on you! Don’t worry! This won’t kill you!”

“Aaaaagh!”

After what felt like two minutes of our combined assault, the exhausted man clung to my pants leg, pleading for mercy.

“Stop! I was wrong! I was wrong, so please stop!”

“I know you were wrong! Who resorts to violence to hear an answer they already know! Tell me something I don’t know!”

“Ugh… What… What do you want? I swear to God, we’re just ordinary slave traders…”

“There are no gods for slave traders!”

“Aaaaagh! I was wrong! Please stop hitting me!”

The despicable creature was trying to lie convincingly by invoking a god.

He must have been truly desperate to sell out even a god.

I decided to scare him further by drawing my sword and bringing it close to his bound hands.

“You dare lie so brazenly, invoking a god’s name? I doubt you’ll see tomorrow’s sun. Let’s start by cutting off your fingers before you repent for your sins.”

“Aaaaagh! No!”

I pinned him down as he struggled to escape, pressing the sword against him as if I were about to cut him.

His face turned pale, a sight to behold.

“If it can’t be done, then I’ll make it happen! We’ll see if your confession about your connections to the Itys Elf Noble faction and the forgery of slave documents comes first, or if your tongue gets ripped out first! May God be our witness!”

“Y-You’re right! We forged them!”

“Don’t you dare speak to me informally! You should be licking the dirt, not preserving your pride!”

Figuring he was sufficiently broken, I raised my voice.

He immediately slammed his forehead against the ground, kneeling.

“I was wrong!! The Paladin is right! I… I kidnapped innocent citizens, forged documents, and sold them as slaves!”

What?

Paladin?

I almost burst out laughing, barely managing to control my expression.

I glanced at Asirye, who was also struggling to contain her laughter, her face mirroring mine.

It seemed this man, true to his frail appearance, had no tolerance for physical pain.

He must have been incredibly desperate to make such assumptions.

I had no intention of impersonating a paladin, but I wasn’t about to correct his misunderstanding either.

I spoke with a hint of sarcasm, feigning bewilderment.

“You tried to ambush and kill me with magic, and now you call me a paladin? Have you committed so many sins that a few more don’t even register?”

“I’m sorry! I failed to recognize your noble presence! I never imagined you would grace us with your presence all the way from the Holy Kingdom. Please forgive me!”

Is this… the taste of a misunderstanding trope?

This was surprisingly entertaining.

Asirye, already several steps away, covered her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to suppress her laughter.

I also stepped back, sensing the need for caution.

“You think you can just apologize and everything will be forgiven? You’re utterly hopeless.”

“I’ll tell you everything! This time, I’ll confess everything without lies!”

“Whether that’s true or not remains to be seen. It’s not something I can judge here and now! Lead me to where you keep the forged documents and your workshop!”

I hauled him to his feet and shoved him forward, standing behind him as he walked.

I couldn’t resist giving Asirye a thumbs-up over my shoulder.

She burst out laughing again at the universally understood gesture of pleading with clasped hands.

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“H-Here it is. All important transactions and document forgery were handled here.”

As we reached the workshop, I was genuinely relieved I hadn’t killed him.

The workshop wasn’t just a simple tent; it was a hidden space, meticulously constructed.

The wooden trapdoor hidden beneath the floor of an ordinary-looking tent was a sight that would have appealed to my inner child, but it also served as a disturbing reminder of how long these monsters had been operating here.

“How many years have you been committing these atrocities?” I asked.

“W-We’ve only been here for about three years. We simply filled the void left by the previous hunters who died after a failed transaction. You see, if you pay, you receive unparalleled safety, something money can’t buy.”

He used the word “only” after three years of selling people.

He was truly delusional.

Still, he was a valuable source of information for now.

Asirye and I followed him inside, gathering all the important documents we could find.

Some documents even mentioned collaborators within the Royalist faction, not just the Noble faction.

While not entirely surprising, it made me wonder why the Royalists hadn’t intervened directly.

Perhaps they had tried other methods, and I just happened to dismantle this operation faster.

I’d have to ask Lord Ekaf when the opportunity arose.

“Eldi, I think we’ve gathered everything important without taking too much,” Asirye said.

“Me too. Let’s go.”

“A-Are we going straight to the Holy Kingdom?”

He was trying to eavesdrop, but I wasn’t obligated to explain.

I knocked him unconscious rather than waste my breath.

He’d be useful later.

The documents were more important to me now.

While there was nothing directly linking them to Count Bosha, there was plenty to destroy.

“The war has been long indeed. To think bandits and slave traders would collude to this extent.” I muttered, looking at the documents detailing transactions, locations, and what appeared to be privately raised troops disguised as bandits.

“If this is truly Count Bosha’s doing, he might have been planning to create an army out of bandits.” Asirye said, peering over my shoulder.

“That’s why I want to destroy them all, but they’re too spread out.”

“Let’s see… This one, this one, and this forest. We could clear those in two days.”

The bandit hideouts Asirye pointed out on the map were each at least three days’ travel away.

“There? We can’t use wyverns; they’d be spotted.”

“It’s fine. This is something I can negotiate with the spirits. Once we’re in the forest, distance becomes irrelevant.”

“There’s such a thing?”

I was surprised by this new information.

Asirye nodded casually.

“They’re essentially a nuisance to the forest and the spirits. If we offer to deal with them, the spirits will gladly help. Of course, this is only possible because I’m an elf, and you’re with me. I don’t remember exactly, it’s been so long… but it’s like shortening a day’s walk to an hour.”

“Like a spirit gate?”

“The concept is different, but similar.”

I was tired after a long day of fighting, but Asirye’s words revitalized me.

The thought of another productive day ahead made me excited.

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[Mr paladinnnnnn]