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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: FusionX
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Adriana was warm.
Perhaps, I had been wishing for someone to approach me like this.
Just being held in her arms made me feel like my anxious emotions were disappearing.
Whether it was the saint’s ability or not, I realized that the emotion she harbored for me wasn’t simple pity.
It was something closer to understanding, not pity or sympathy.
Adriana was sobbing in my arms.
I, who had actually experienced the deaths, was indifferent, but this person I had just met in this life was crying.
What should I say?
This was the first time I had felt this in my life.
I didn’t know what to say to Adriana.
I hadn’t known there would be someone who would be sad for me.
I hadn’t thought there would be someone who would understand the emotions from the deaths I had experienced, and be sad because of that.
Not because they pitied me, but just.
I didn’t know what to say to a woman who was crying simply because she was truly sad.
The sound of my heart beating loudly echoed.
That pulse, which was gradually quickening, slowly created heat, and eventually warmth enveloped my flushed cheeks.
I stroked Adriana’s hair, which occasionally twitched against my chest.
I didn’t know what emotion I was feeling now.
It was so unfamiliar, wasn’t this the first time I had experienced this in all my lives?
Maybe I had just been scaring myself.
I had never talked to others about my past, so perhaps I had just been frightened and afraid in advance.
Of course, most people would probably have different emotions from Adriana, but what was certain was…
This incident had clearly had a positive effect on me.
I slowly removed Adriana’s head from my chest as she stopped crying.
Carefully, so as not to be too rough, I just wanted to show her that I was alright now.
I grinned and rubbed her cheeks around her reddened eyes.
My fingers were soaked with tears.
The fact alone that she had cried for me made many emotions cross my mind.
Would there be anyone else who could cry like this for someone they had just formed a bond with in this life, and had only met a few times?
It was possible because it was Adriana.
I thought that meeting her in this life might have been something like fate for me.
“Raise your head. I need to wipe your face.”
At my words, Adriana slowly raised her head.
Perhaps because she had buried her face in my chest, I smiled at her thoroughly reddened face.
The sight of her sniffling nose gave off a slightly different impression from before.
If she had seemed more mature than anyone earlier, now she looked like a child.
It wasn’t bad.
Rather, it was fine.
Whenever I saw Adriana like this, I couldn’t help but smile.
Adriana, who didn’t resist at all as I wiped her face, briefly raised her head towards my face and moved her lips.
“Is it okay? That I… saw your memories.”
“It’s fine. I thought I would have to tell you someday anyway. I was a bit surprised that it happened so soon, but I’m okay now because you hugged me.”
“Ah, I didn’t come to hug you though.”
As the tips of her ears turned slightly red, I shrugged and finished wiping away her tears.
After I had completely wiped her face, Adriana, who was still looking at me, closed her mouth.
As if pondering something, her lips that had moved several times closed again.
It was probably about the memories being shown now.
The thirty-fifth life was special to me in many ways.
“Can you see Miragen?”
Adriana was slightly surprised that I called the princess by name, but soon nodded in affirmation.
“I can’t see, but it’s flowing into me as memories. That’s how I could see your emotions. If it made you uncomfortable… I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright. I don’t mind if it’s you, even if I might mind with others.”
I didn’t really want Miragen or Adele to recall their memories.
Especially Miragen, she might feel guilty about having killed me.
If I had come to the Crown of Memories with Miragen, it probably would have been more serious than I thought.
As Adriana hung her head at those words, I continued explaining about this memory.
“I was a bit naive until then.”
It might sound strange to say I was foolish after dying 34 times, but that was how it looked to me.
It was a time when I had found my own wisdom.
Considering that I had nearly married Miragen after gaining Yuria’s approval without killing the Crown Prince.
It was probably the closest I had come to success, but Miragen had died.
If not immature, how else could I describe myself for not considering that?
I thought I had died a lot even then, but to the me of the 101st life, it just seemed stupid and foolish.
“Do you remember what I said before? About having someone I loved?”
That was about Miragen.
That Miragen was the first and last person I had truly loved since birth, and that I wouldn’t love anyone else again.
That feeling remained.
Although I had formed many bonds in this life, I didn’t wish for them to progress into closer relationships.
“I remember. Could it be, that was Miragen?”
“That’s right. Miragen was always my last lover.”
Adriana, who made a strange expression for a moment, looked at me blankly.
As if she finally understood those words, she hesitated before speaking.
“Then the one who killed you… was Miragen too.”
“It was a death I had wished for in the first place. I don’t know how you read the memories, but if you saw my memories, you probably know.”
The scenery shown by the crown was the image of me wailing while holding the dead Miragen.
It was a rainy night, when I had tried not to let Miragen go alone due to an unusually anxious feeling.
Although I had somewhat overcome such emotions now, it was true that unnecessary sentiments still arose when I saw it again.
Miragen was alive now, wasn’t she?
As I rubbed my forehead and exhaled softly, Adriana approached me again and gently held my hand.
I didn’t mind talking about anything now, but I smiled slightly at her worried expression.
It had been a long time since someone had worried about me in many ways.
Her attitude was quite different from Adele’s, and I was feeling that slight difference while talking about my memories.
If Adele thought of memories simply as memories and valued the present, Adriana fully accepted all of the emotions of the memories.
The reason she reacted to every small action of mine was probably because of that.
To Adriana, the current me probably seemed quite unstable.
As I looked at Adriana, who was gripping my hand tightly as if she wouldn’t let go, I quietly opened my mouth.
It seemed I needed to reassure her.
From now on, no matter what happened, I wouldn’t be particularly shaken.
“Do I still look anxious to you?”
“…No.”
“I’m fine. I was a bit surprised earlier, but that was just momentary, wasn’t it? If you’re uncomfortable, you can let go of my hand.”
Even though I loosened my grip, Adriana was still holding my hand.
Though not as much as when she was hugging me, I could still fully feel that warmth.
Soft without a single callus, and small enough to be completely covered by one hand.
I quickly realized that this was a desire coming from her heart, but I decided to accept it this time.
This was probably the only way to repay her kindness.
Even if the day came when we revealed our hearts to each other, I just hoped she wouldn’t get hurt.
If, even after achieving my goal, I was still alive.
Then I would give a different answer, but that was for later.
My fingers moved in the hand she was holding, and our fingers intertwined.
I quietly embraced her shoulders, which had flinched in surprise.
Earlier we had been face to face, but this time I embraced her from behind as she faced forward.
Thump thump.
The sound of her heart beating rapidly reached my ears clearly.
This was the only repayment I could offer, so it couldn’t be helped.
I thought I had been saved for a moment.
If the saint reaching out her hand to me from the quagmire of inescapable emotions wasn’t salvation, what was?
Just because I was grateful.
Just because I didn’t want to forget this current feeling.
I held her for a long time, until Adriana’s ears turned completely red.
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The memories continued to play.
From the thirty-fifth night when Miragen had died, through the fifty-fifth life when I had died by Miragen’s hand again.
To the life when I had given up everything and left for the North.
Adriana, sitting in my arms, silently watched those memories.
It was a bit unsettling to watch it without saying anything, but through our earlier conversation, I realized she understood my emotions.
There was no need to be anxious.
I was just watching in case Adriana might cry again.
“Was this when you first met the Grand Duchess?”
“It wasn’t the first time we met, but it was probably the first time we became close. I left like I was running away. Without telling my sister or fiancée, when I even abandoned my title.”
Thinking about it, it was surprising that Adele had accepted me like that.
To readily accept someone who had fled without any connections.
What would she have done if I had been sent to assassinate her?
I was a bit worried, but my thoughts scattered as Adriana tightly gripped my arm.
It was a strange position in many ways.
She was leaning against my chest with my legs spread, watching the memories.
Her hair, tied up in a ponytail, occasionally tickled my nose, and my eyes narrowed at that sweet scent.
If I had thought of Adriana as just a connection before, it seemed my emotions had changed a bit after this incident.
Was it affection?
I hoped it wasn’t, but at this rate, I didn’t know when my heart might change.
With the person who had been my lover, the person who had tried to become my lover, and the woman who had been nothing to me. My feelings for them remained the same.
It seemed that in this complicated relationship, I was probably the only one agonizing.
“Robert, are you going to tell others about your memories too?”
“…I’m not sure.”
I thought that Adriana knew about these memories, and that someday Miragen would recall them too, just like Adele had.
Should I tell her in advance?
No matter how many times I pondered, it was a dilemma without a clear answer.
The memories they recalled weren’t all happy ones, so I thought it might be better if they lived without knowing for the rest of their lives.
Even if they knew about the memories, I hoped they wouldn’t be sad, but it would probably be too much to tell them right away.
“I think I’ll have to keep it hidden for now. As you can see, not all my memories are good ones.”
“…I suppose that’s true.”
Adriana, who muttered like that, then smiled bitterly and sighed, looking straight ahead.
My memories were slowly coming to an end now.
As she watched the memories heading towards my 100th death, there was one thing I needed to reveal to her.
What was I wishing for to repeat the regression?
Although the essence had become blurred, there was clearly a goal I harbored in a corner of my heart.
Killing the Crown Prince.
Shouldn’t I tell the only woman in this world who knew my memories?
After a long time had passed and all my deaths had ended, I quietly opened my mouth towards Adriana.
“I think you now know that I’ve died 100 times and am living my 101st life.”
“I know. I… saw it all here.”
“I don’t know how many more times this regression will repeat, but I’m trying to end my regression in this life.”
Adriana looked at me, surprised for a moment.
Originally, I had chosen to come to the South to gain her support, so in the end, we had returned to the fundamental issue.
After staring intently at Adriana, I carefully continued speaking.
“I… intend to kill the Crown Prince.”
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[man this arc really hitting me in the feels, the onion slicing ninjas are striking again]
