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Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous – Chapter 19

.。.:✧ Midterms Are Harmful ✧:.。.

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Translated By Arcane Translations
Translator: Mod7
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The midterms were just a few days away.

This was a time when everyone lost their minds.

Even those who diligently studied couldn’t help but feel a little anxious.

But guess what?

This was the infamous Iron-tier classroom.

Most of the students here were anything but normal.

Students who claimed they’d finish studying for the midterm in one day and then proceeded to slack off were common.

There was a student who wasted an entire day throwing “thank you” punches at the air, claiming it helped him memorize the material. Another student claimed he would go to an abandoned house to receive the power of the Lord.

There was even a student who was chanting something that sounded like a spell with his eyes rolled back.

“Om…”

“Hey, what’s wrong with him?”

“He said he received a good luck spell for the exam from a shaman.”

“But he looks more handsome than usual. I want to try it too.”

These students were losing their minds in various ways.

Of course, Hye-ji and I were no different.

“Shinwoo, stop making a fuss over a single exam.”

“You need to delete that ‘how to get rid of professors’ search query on your phone.”

“Professors create exams, so we need to eliminate them.”

“You truly are the embodiment of the authentic support, Karazim.”

Suddenly, Hye-ji thrust her fist towards me.

“Shinwoo, become the Professor Punch for my sake.”

“…I’ll be the Professor Punch.”

He is a God!

The God of Virginity!

After lunch, we headed to the training grounds for practical training.

“Hye-ji, how are they testing us for the midterm practicals?”

“Didn’t I tell you during practical training a while ago? How can you always forget-”

“I left early that day.”

“-That’s understandable.”

I had left early that day because my heart was shattered by the nickname “God of Virginity” and the Virgin Peace Prize.

Maybe she explained it then, but I had no recollection of it.

As the nightmare resurfaced, my expression darkened.

“I’m officially the academy’s virgin, damn it.”

“I don’t see it as a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good thing.”

Hye-ji looked unusually cheerful as she tried to console me.

Then, she continued her explanation.

“Anyway, for the midterm practicals, you have to choose a student with a higher rank than you and challenge them to a duel.”

“What if they refuse?”

“Seriously? A higher-tier would be too scared to face a lower-tier?”

“True, they’d be too embarrassed to refuse.”

Imagine an Iron-tier challenging you to a 1v1 mid lane battle and then saying “Scared?” if you decline.

You’d be a laughingstock for the rest of your life.

-No, I couldn’t make it that day. But if I did, I’d definitely win.

-Yeah, right. Typical scaredy-cat, running away because you know you’d lose.

-*Just admit you’re too scared to fight, ‘bro, I’m too terrified to face you.’ *

Those three sentences would haunt you forever.

At every drinking party, maybe even at your funeral.

That’s how deep the world of 1v1 mid lane battles goes.

“And if you don’t choose anyone, you’ll be randomly assigned an opponent.”

“Who are you going to choose?”

“Jung Ah-yeon. My abilities have improved, so it’s time for revenge.”

“She’s a delusional old fart and a fake martial arts enthusiast, so think of something to tease her with.”

“Note: The King of Water Spirits is Ifrit.”

We chatted as we walked towards the training grounds.

The weapons I chose for today were a shotgun, a speed loader, and the trendy hand axe.

To be honest, I hadn’t used an axe much before.

I wasn’t a fan of its design.

But I changed my mind after reading a popular novel.

‘To convey your feelings through an axe… How moving!’

Expressing emotions through actions instead of words.

A perfect protagonist.

He’s my role model.

I gathered my weapons and dragged my sparring partner with me.

The poor guy was one of the students who claimed I couldn’t get it up.

“Are you going to kill me?”

“I’ll let you live.”

Of course, he wouldn’t be living a good life.

After dealing with him, I planned to drag in the other students one by one.

His turn would come around quickly.

‘You guys haven’t even used these weapons. I maintain them every day, you bastards.’

Just then, I spotted Hye-ji in the distance.

She was also dragging a student by the collar.

It was the student who made the blasphemous remark about me making a guy wear a skirt.

Good job, Hye-ji.

Eradicate those who try to force crossdressing guys as heroines.

I was about to start the execution…

When Professor Mi-ran arrived with a group of people.

“These are Japanese students who are here to observe the academy until the end of the midterm practicals.

They’ve received basic Korean language training, so communication shouldn’t be a problem.

They’re going to observe the practical training sessions today, so please be kind to them.”

The visiting students immediately dispersed.

Most of them behaved similarly.

They either ran around the training grounds, observing the duels, or chatted with the academy students in small groups.

However, a few of them seemed to be examining the training facilities, gauging their size and scope.

I knew it.

‘Mostly high school students, with a few spies planted among them.’

The “observers” immediately took out notebooks and started scribbling furiously.

They were likely recording the information they had gathered.

Of course, it wasn’t my problem.

Their notes wouldn’t be of much use anyway.

Due to the closed-off nature of Japanese academies, it was unlikely that they would implement any improvements based on what they learned here.

In fact, Japanese academies were the worst of the worst.

They only accepted cash payments, no credit cards.

They still used handwritten logs for dormitory entry and exit, instead of ID card scanners.

And yet, they advertised themselves as state-of-the-art academies.

‘They can’t escape their medieval mindset, those idiots.’

As I was lost in thought, a Japanese student hesitantly approached me.

She was probably here to watch our duel.

Maybe Professor Mi-ran recommended it.

The splatter genre isn’t really appropriate for children.

But since she was here, I decided to be polite and walked towards her.

She suddenly spoke,

“Chong…”

“…What?”

My hand trembled.

I was caught off guard by the unexpected racial slur.

‘Chong? Chong? Did I hear that correctly? Chong? Chong?’

She’s dead.

This is self-defense.

Offended, I started walking towards her.

She screamed, tears streaming down her face,

“Don’t shoot, Chong! I don’t know Korean well! Please spare me!”

“…Huh?”

“Don’t kill me!!!”

“Hey, hold on!”

Before I could stop her, she ran away.

The problem was, she was running towards the training ground where Hye-ji was.

“Help me!!! That person is trying to kill me!!!”

She clung to Hye-ji, sobbing, and pointing at me.

Hye-ji’s eyes followed the girl’s finger and met mine.

Her expression darkened.

*’No, seriously, I’m innocent.’ *

“Why are you making her cry!”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“She wouldn’t be crying if you didn’t say anything! That doesn’t make sense! Apologize to her right now!”

“…Sowwy.”

Unable to defend myself, I apologized and returned to my training ground.

Seeing my annoyed expression, the guy who was waiting for his execution said,

“Shinwoo? Hey Shinwoo, I don’t know what happened, but I have something to tell you-”

“Go ahead.”

“Physical defects don’t matter that much. And nowadays, there are plenty of good dildos on the market, so don’t worry.”

“Present your head.”

The axe sliced through the air and embedded itself in his skull.

Clean and swift.

And so began the execution of those who spread the Kim Shinwoo impotence rumors.

One thing I learned from this:

‘Swinging an axe feels amazing. It’s an academy essential.’

While waiting for the next victim, I glanced at Hye-ji to catch my breath.

The visiting student, who was crying her eyes out earlier, was now chatting and laughing with Hye-ji.

Good.

It’s good to see them both smiling.

Everything should be fine.

“Kyouko, you speak in an interesting way.”

“This guy is quite wwwww omoshiroi wwwwww.”

…Everything will be fine.

Probably.

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Two days until the midterms.

The Iron-tier students were anything but normal.

Classes were meaningless at this point, anyway.

The professors, recognizing this fact, gave the students free study time.

Of course, what the students were doing didn’t resemble studying at all.

“I wonder if I can use the Power of the Titans to get rid of the exam.”

“This is a [Trial]. We must overcome this [Trial].”

“Jesus is king. Non-believers will go to hell.”

“Om Mani Padme Hum, Om Mani Padme Hum, Om Mani Padme Hum.”

“The only salvation is professor euthanasia.”

“If I fail this exam, I’m turning this academy into a Holypse.”

…’Holly’ wouldn’t be quite right, would it, bastard?

I reported the last guy as a potential terrorist.

Soon, staff members arrived to apprehend the potential terrorist.

And they tried to catch…

Me.

I’m innocent.

I just had a thermos bomb in my bag, a gift for the professor.

After a series of misunderstandings, the actual terrorist was dragged out of the classroom, and silence descended once again.

It felt like it would last forever.

Until someone suddenly appeared.

‘Who is it?’

The classroom door abruptly opened, and a male student walked in.

Long, flowing blonde hair. A white outfit adorned with gold patterns that fluttered in the breeze.

Gold accessories adorned his entire body, flaunting his wealth.

But there were three things that stood out more than his attire.

First.

His ears were exceptionally long, unlike a human’s.

‘A pointy-eared bastard.’

Yes.

The student who just walked in was an elf.

His somewhat handsome features confirmed his elven heritage.

Second.

The earring on his long right ear.

The earring’s design was peculiar.

A blue, distorted circle with green decorations.

It was antique and beautiful, yet it also emanated a sense of danger and malice.

And lastly.

The numbers above his head.

The number was close to 9000, but the red number was also high, around 7000.

It implied that he could regress frequently but also failed often.

‘His life must be a mess.’

I could tell just by looking at him.

He was an idiot.

As soon as the male elf entered the classroom, about twenty female students followed him.

The female students were a diverse group, ranging from humans to elves to beast-kin.

I felt a pang of jealousy.

The only ones who ever chased after me were summer mosquitoes and those damn unicorns.

*’Damn it, some people get chased by dozens of unicorns…’ *

Those lucky bastards.

I… don’t miss them.

My heart ached at the thought.

The elf looked around and said,

“Where is the wench called Kim Hye-ji, the one who defeated Jung Ah-yeon?”

His tone was dignified yet arrogant.

It was the voice of someone accustomed to being in a position of power.

His words echoed through the silent classroom.

The female students behind him squirmed excitedly.

“Master’s words are always a blessingggg!”

“Ah! That’s the tenth time today.”

“Where’s that Hye-ji bitch? Making Master wait for her?”

“Ohhhhh, come out. Let’s have some fun together.”

Because of the girls, something suddenly started leaking from his crotch.

This was insane.

‘This isn’t the Noryangjin Fish Market, why do you reek, you bitches?’

I was worried.

Not for those bastards.

Their minds were already beyond saving.

I was worried about the visiting students observing our class.

Kyouko, the student who was getting along with Hye-ji yesterday, was sitting next to her.

This was definitely not something they should be witnessing.

‘The visiting students are babies. We need to protect them.’

The elf was about to speak again when no one answered him.

Hye-ji cut him off with an annoyed tone, as if trying to stop him,

“Why are you looking for me? Get lost if you have nothing better to do.”

But the elf didn’t seem offended.

He turned his attention to Hye-ji and approached her.

He stopped in front of her and suddenly reached for her face.

“I told you, I have nothing to say to you, so get lost.”

Hye-ji raised her left hand and swatted his hand away.

But he immediately reached for her wrist and grabbed it.

“You actually are a woman. Good! You’re worthy of becoming this one’s wife.”

“Let go of me, you bastard.”

The number above his head increased by one.

He smirked and muttered, “Easy,” under his breath.

He leaned in, trying to get closer to Hye-ji’s face.

Or at least, he tried to.

Until my fist connected with his face.

BAM!!!!

“Ugh!”

The red number above his head increased by one, along with a satisfying thud.

The female students screamed.

“Kyaaaa! Master!!!”

“Master is under attack!!!”

“Why did you attack Master!!!”

“What are you looking at, bitches? A person’s allowed to punch a pointy-eared bastard in the face.”

What can I say? My fist was born with a mind of its own.

Thinking only of your master?

You’re all terribly selfish. ;ㅅ;

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Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous

Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fucking Ridiculous

Score 9.7
Status: Ongoing Type: Author: Artist: Released: 2021 Native Language: Korean
Hey, all of us who CAN'T regress, how about we hit that like button? I'll go first!

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Oriedroc
Oriedroc
1 month ago

Every chapter feels like a shitpost

Anonymous
Anonymous
1 month ago

Around elves, watch yourselves.

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